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To be upset by teachers comment towards Dd

(41 Posts)
Joliefleur1216 Tue 26-Apr-16 13:59:19

Children can stay for school dinners whilst they are part time at dd new school or they can come home at 12. We decided Dd shouldn't stay for lunch as she's a fussy eater & sandwiches aren't an option until she's fulltime. However, she cried on her first day - so, teacher asked us if we would pay for school meals so she could stay. We were reluctant as she has never had a big appetite which I put down to her being premature. Dd has continually not eaten the school meals - everyday lunch time supervisor passes comment on the fact she has eaten very little or nothing at all. The teacher also continually talks to me (infront of numerous other parents) about this whilst in the line waiting to go in to school. Today her comment was 'Petitfleur says the dinner was too hot yesterday and wanted someone to blow it.' She turned to Dd and said 'you want special treatment don't you Petitfleur'. Of course Dd didn't understand & said teacher did this to get a laugh from other parents, which they did of course. I found this highly inappropriate & have told them on numerous occasions that Dd has a problem with food. I'm a nursery nurse and wouldn't have gotten away with this type of conduct if my manager heard - both in a confidentiality aspect and making fun of a child who has no concept of what was being said! Her old nursery was fantastic in understanding which enabled a relaxed feeling about food & she eventually was comfortable enough to try new things. I really felt that we were getting somewhere with her and I'm so upset it's being made an issue as this will eventually make her not want to go to school. no mention of how she's doing in the classroom I might add - just constant negative comments about meals instead!!!! It's her second week Fgs and she's just turned FOUR!

Sorry for the long post - didn't want to drip feed and I'm venting! blush

aginghippy Tue 26-Apr-16 14:05:09

YANBU it's inappropriate.

Why don't you go back to your original plan and have dd eat lunch at home?

Euripidesralph Tue 26-Apr-16 14:05:59

That's completely unacceptable of the teacher.... I personally think adults shaming children is beyond disgusting and a sign of an insecure personality

I do think you should take this up

Having said that in general is it possible you are expecting an awful lot from the school in terms of dealing with dds food issues ?

However that does not justify that comment

Melbournemel Tue 26-Apr-16 14:06:01

God what a passive aggressive bitch! If she behaves like this in front of the parents I would be worried what she is like with the kids tbh. If I were you I would be emailing a complaint to the head.

Nuggy2013 Tue 26-Apr-16 14:07:41

Speak to the head, totally inappropriate behaviour. Especially as you've informed them there's an issue with food etc. Wtf has it got to do with other parents?!?

Tiggeryoubastard Tue 26-Apr-16 14:12:31

That's awful. I'd be chasing that up. But on the other hand at that age a child shouldn't really be expecting an adult to blow on food that's too hot, and I doubt it was, school lunches aren't served hot. Do you think maybe you're pandering to your child a bit?

NeedACleverNN Tue 26-Apr-16 14:16:39

If she has genuine issues with food tigger then it may not be the fact the food was hot but a needed to blow on it to reassure her.

Yanbu

Joliefleur1216 Tue 26-Apr-16 14:20:43

Euripidesralph we definitely don't expect school to get her to eat. Hence our reluctance to send her for school dinners. We quite simply said - 'let her eat what she wants to, we collect at 1 and I don't mind feeding her at home'. We are essentially paying for her school meals and don't want her to be forced into eating them, as she got very upset when the teacher was called in to sit with her the other day and tried to force her to eat pasta.
She ate half today but said the meat was too hard to chew - so not sure about the quality of food anyway confused
I'm just really worried about September when she starts full time - she's such a happy, confident child and I hate to think of her upset at school as its really not like her sad

TormundGiantsbabe Tue 26-Apr-16 14:23:14

teacher asked us if we would pay for school meals so she could stay
Don't all 4 year olds get free school meals?

I wouldn't have my fussy eater on school dinners. Far too stressful for him and I wouldn't expect the lunchtime supervisors to pander to him or be patient enough with him. Packed lunch is far less work for everyone.

Joliefleur1216 Tue 26-Apr-16 14:23:26

Tigger food definitely wouldn't have been hot - she would've been saying this because she didn't want to eat it as they made her sit there until the end of play to try to make her eat it.

Joliefleur1216 Tue 26-Apr-16 14:24:06

She's not compulsory school age yet - so no not until September Tormund

CotswoldStrife Tue 26-Apr-16 14:28:42

My DD wouldn't eat at all in school when she started. The teachers didn't force her to eat by any means, they tried all kinds bless them - sitting at large tables, small tables - but at no point did they force her.

Why are you making her try the lunches, did she cry because she wanted to stay and play? I'm not sure why she cried on the first day. I don't think the teacher should be making remarks like that in front of other parents and I would raise that with her.

grumpysquash Tue 26-Apr-16 14:31:44

How come she's at school if she's only just 4? Shouldn't she start in Reception in September?

Joliefleur1216 Tue 26-Apr-16 14:35:38

grumpy - Our school have a part time intake for children the term after their 4th birthday - this uses their 15 hours government funding. It's supposed to help transitions. But I'm sure this is having a negative outcome for her transition as she will be able to have packed lunch in septmeber so wish I'd have waited!
All the other children was staying for dinners, and she wanted to stay too cotswold

soapboxqueen Tue 26-Apr-16 14:37:10

I have to say I'm confused about this set up for lunch. It's she in a nursery attached to the school or is this an independent school?

At any rate. If she isn't eating anything I wouldn't bother letting her stay for lunch. There's no benefit to it. In September you can send her in with a packed lunch.

Tbh I wouldn't expect people to blow on food, it's unhygienic.

I don't think talking with a parent, while other parents are milling around is a massive issue unless there is something major to discuss. In which case ask for an appointment. How much a child ate, isn't a major issue imo.

You could chat with the teacher about what she said in front of your dd but be prepared for a different take on it. Nobody is a perfect witness and children even less so.

If you are unhappy with their level of care, then tackle it now. It won't improve by itself before September.

neighbourhoodwoes Tue 26-Apr-16 14:40:10

I'm guessing op means school nursery. Ours operated a similar scheme where they could stay to eat in order to build them up to the school day ready for reception. We had a similar child but we simply allowed Sandwiches to be brought in, I'm not sure why they won't allow it but teacher was very unreasonable to shame infront of other parents.

Joliefleur1216 Tue 26-Apr-16 14:40:42

No school lunches will definitely be happening next week. I just feel cross that she made me feel guilty for not letting her stay for them in the first place - then makes inappropriat comments.
I didn't want to speak to the teacher about it btw. She just came out with it this morning.

FlyingElbows Tue 26-Apr-16 14:46:11

What you should have done when they asked if you wanted to pay for dinners is say "no, it's a waste of money as she won't eat them" and just take her home. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down. I doubt very much the teacher was trying to embarrass you or your child.

Joliefleur1216 Tue 26-Apr-16 14:49:51

Parents also weren't milling around. The children were lined up - parents stood silently waiting for them to go in, soapbox.
Sorry, assumed school set up was fairly normal as I know lots of schools in our county use this transition system as many don't have school nurseries attached to them. 4 year olds (term after 4th birthday) are able to go into the reception class in the school part time if capacity allows to get them used to school before the September intake.

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn Tue 26-Apr-16 14:50:00

It's you who decided to send your DD in for lunch as they cried on the first day as they wanted to stay. The teacher didn't make you sign up your DD for school lunches. Are you sure it was the teacher who made you feel guilty and not your DD for crying? I can't say I'd been too bothered about a teachers opinion against the wishes of my DD. Anyway, If it's not working out, then change it.

Why not go and see the teacher this afternoon, tomorrow after school, or give her a call and ask her not to make comments about your DD in front of other parents. I'm sure she'll get that.

mouldycheesefan Tue 26-Apr-16 14:55:21

Just take her home for lunch. It's all being overwrought about nothing.

moochy11 Tue 26-Apr-16 14:57:15

If it was me I'd have a word with the teachers and tell them the pressure from them re eating school dinners is having a negative impact on your little girl, ask them to let her eat however much she wants and not get involves. At dd's school they don't get involved with how much children eat at all, they say they can't because they have so many children and not enough time or staff, I wouldn't expect them to to be honest so no idea why your school is getting so involved, is it a private school? I had this at the school I went to, v strict and traditional about clearing your plate and it was so stressful, def would not want that happening to my dd.

If they can just leave her alone then she won't have the stress, and when she gets home you can feed her properly with what she likes. Then in September do the packed lunches. Is there no way the school would let her take in a packed lunch at the moment, make allowances for a child who's getting upset with the pressure to eat school dinners and it's effecting her settling in? X

summersky11 Tue 26-Apr-16 14:57:46

I don't understand why you don't bring her home at 12? it seems pointless for her to be there if she isn't eating anything and not enjoying it!
I think you are being precious

CotswoldStrife Tue 26-Apr-16 15:01:08

Ah, I thought it might be about missing playtime (which is vital when you're young grin )

At DD's school when they start in September the younger ones in the year have a couple of days on their own and then the older birthdays join them. Don't stay for lunch for about a week, then phased again (younger first couple of days, older children then join them) and leave after lunch, then a full day.

namechangedtoday15 Tue 26-Apr-16 15:05:43

Why are sandwiches not an option until she's full time?

I don't think the comment will have any impact on your DD, If she's not old enough to understand what the teacher meant, I'm sure she cannot tell you why the teacher made the comment (i.e. to get a laugh from the other parents).

Actually I think its probably a legitimate concern - certainly as you say this is a transition period. Do they know she'll be having a packed lunch in September? If you've told them she has issues with food, do they think its food in general because they may be flagging up to you that you need to address the issues by September. It will be difficult for her to go the whole school day (i.e. including the afternoon session) without any food - she'll struggle to concentrate etc and it may affect her progress.

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