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AIBU?

Have I really made a baby with a child abuser?

40 replies

TurtleNeckJumper · 26/04/2016 12:08

I began seeing someone. A year ago, I was told that I couldn't have children, so after knowing this person's sexual health, we stopped using contraception.

I fell pregnant. I'm actually overjoyed, of course! I've always wanted to have children, so it was lovely news. However, my 'partner', isn't working; he has also got £60,000 worth of depts. He told me that it was because his mother had died and he developed bad depression and had to go into hospital, etc.

So I have been supporting him and helping him find a job, he has been to several interviews and didn't get any - which I'm now not even sure if it's true!

Around 2 weeks ago, I met his sister for the first time, in a rather unpleasant way. She came banging on my door, pushing and shoving 'my partner' and shouting how he is lucky she hasn't killed him, etc.

She then turned around to me and said I'm a fool to be with a man who beats up children. I asked him to leave for the afternoon... I got talking with his sister, over Facebook. Saying that he was inside for hurting her son.

I don't know how to confirm who is right? I'm just so lost with it all.

OP posts:

Report

SharonBottsPoundOfGrapes · 26/04/2016 12:09

Believe her. I would.

KnotNora · 26/04/2016 12:10

Ask the police

PippaFawcett · 26/04/2016 12:11

Some police forces, perhaps all, will do background checks on partners to help women determine whether people have a history of abuse. I would get in touch with your local force to check. And yes, I would believe her.

papayasareyum · 26/04/2016 12:11

have you goggled his name, that's where I'd start?

AddToBasket · 26/04/2016 12:11

The police will help you with this. Contact the local station.

NapQueen · 26/04/2016 12:12

Id call her and have a conversation.

Heirhelp · 26/04/2016 12:12

You can go to the police and under Clare or Sarah's law find out if he would be a risk to you or your children. Somebody more knowledge will be along soon to explain how it works.

You said he has lots of debts he gave up work when he had depression. Does he still have depression? Is he seeking treatment? Is he looking for work?

Who told you that you could definitely not have children?

Arfarfanarf · 26/04/2016 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TurtleNeckJumper · 26/04/2016 12:15

Well, I'm wondering if he ever had depression at all - instead of being in hospital, he was probably in prison, if she is correct. No, he isn't seeking any help for his depression, that I'm aware of.

I was told I was going through an early menopause.

OP posts:

Princesspeach1980 · 26/04/2016 12:16

The police will definitely help with this. They are legally required to give out information relating to children, and also domestic abuse. They might not go into details, but they will tell you whether they feel you or the baby are at risk from him.

CutYourHairAndGetAJob · 26/04/2016 12:18

I don't have much knowledge of this but presumably social services would take an interest if he has a record of child abuse. Could you contact them in the first instance to ask for advice.

Poor you, what a horrible thing to happen.

BarbarianMum · 26/04/2016 12:18

Can she tell you when he went to court/was put inside? You could try googling him, see if anything comes up. Or look at old court transcripts/records which I think are in the public domain. Or approach the police under Sarah's law - actually I think I'd try this first.

You owe it to all of you to find out the truth, now. And please think carefully about whether you'd be better in or out of a relationship with this man now a baby is on the way (congrats). The debts alone would raise a red flag with me.

hellsbellsmelons · 26/04/2016 12:19

And his good points are...?????
Sorry, but he doesn't work.
He's in massive debt.
You already think he is a liar.
Why are you with him.
He is a cocklodger.
And you do not need this drain on you with a baby on the way.
You will need your energy and money for your new DC.
From what you have posted, he'd be gone from my home!

ChemistryHunt · 26/04/2016 12:20

Contact the police, I know there is a new procedure in place to allow women to gather certain information about a new partner if they are concerned they or their children are at risk. I am sure they can help you.

hownottofuckup · 26/04/2016 12:21

The police will help you with this, please call 101 and speak to your local force.

thedancingbear · 26/04/2016 12:22

I wouldn't necessarily believe what the sister says - there could be any kind of background between the pair of them. But I do think you need to investigate further.

At the risk of asking the bleeding obvious, what has your DP got to say about it?

Lweji · 26/04/2016 12:25

Odd.

How did she find out where you live?
How long have you been with him? If more than a year, you had never met his family? Why?

Why do you tend to believe anything he says? £60,000 worth of debt caused by depression?

Surely she's able to provide details or evidence.

TurtleNeckJumper · 26/04/2016 12:25

He said that his sister is lying and that she is mad that he refused to go and see his nephew, due to him being unwell. Something along those lines, I wasn't really interested in what he had to say at that point, my head was a bit everywhere.

OP posts:

TurtleNeckJumper · 26/04/2016 12:25

He said that his sister is lying and that she is mad that he refused to go and see his nephew, due to him being unwell. Something along those lines, I wasn't really interested in what he had to say at that point, my head was a bit everywhere.

OP posts:

TurtleNeckJumper · 26/04/2016 12:25

He said that his sister is lying and that she is mad that he refused to go and see his nephew, due to him being unwell. Something along those lines, I wasn't really interested in what he had to say at that point, my head was a bit everywhere.

OP posts:

TheHobbitMum · 26/04/2016 12:27

Definitely go to the police OP they'll give you the facts under the new laws about protecting partners x

TeaBelle · 26/04/2016 12:28

Agree with previous posters - phone 101 and ask to make a request under Claire ' s law. They will then share the relevant information with you at a planned appointment

ImperialBlether · 26/04/2016 12:29

Then ask his sister for facts and figures. What did he do? When did he do it? What was his sentence? Where did he serve his time? Is he now on probation? That sort of thing. Or you could go to the police and ask them.

Buzzardbird · 26/04/2016 12:32

You were told this two weeks ago?

Google his name? Phone the Police?

What are you waiting for?

Aliasnumberone · 26/04/2016 12:42

Op, congratulations on your pregnancy, you know this already but your child will be the most precious thing in the world to you especially as you weren't expecting to be a mother at all and you need to do everything you can to make sure you are both in the best place possible, safety, financially and emotionally. Get this guy checked out and then make your decisions

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