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AIBU?

To not want to host two sets of house guests in last month of pregnancy?

34 replies

rainbowontheway · 02/04/2016 20:21

I'm beyond tired. Am 35 weeks with DC#2 and have DC#1 who is 3.5. I'm shattered from just taking care of him, trying to tire him out every day (he's a bad sleeper!), picking up after him (it's endless!) and dealing with the usual tantrums and shoes of will. I'm working part time until 3 weeks before my due date. We're about to get a painter in to decorate upstairs and are having to do lots of souring out of the house. Latest house guests (2 adults and a 1 yr old for 2 nights) only left a few days ago and accommodating them involved weird room rejigging and extra tidying (1 yr old plus 3 yr old was a glimpse of the future!). We're wanting to move DC#1 rooms and get their current room set up as the nursery, hence the painting. This means our actual spare room (v small double) will be no more. MIL last visited at end of Feb for the usual couple of nights and is asking if she can come again in April or better wait til after baby arrives in May. Other guests would be friends and their kids (2 and 4) in a couple of weeks. Both would be post-painting and room changing and for 2 nights... Friends have offered to stay in a hotel bit there's still the meals and hosting here in the daytime which makes me tired just thinking about! But we've not seen them for a year and visits post-baby won't be any easier.
I have backache, breathless, and have bad heartburn. DC#1 still invades out bed - and our sleep - most nights. I want to decline both sets of visitors, hotel or not, but DH says I'm being overly grumpy and unreasonable. Am I?

OP posts:

Report

rainbowontheway · 02/04/2016 20:22

Typos galore in my OP but hope you follow! Sorry!

OP posts:

PuntasticUsername · 02/04/2016 20:23

YAsoNBU at all.

Clobbered · 02/04/2016 20:25

YANBU. DH is BU. The End

plonkie · 02/04/2016 20:26

Fuck that. YANBU.

zoodle · 02/04/2016 20:27

YANBU

BettyBi0 · 02/04/2016 20:27

YANBU. You'll need to bank every bit of rest you can get your hands on for the birth and invasion of visitors in the first couple of weeks

FullMoonDiva · 02/04/2016 20:29

Of course your not being unreasonable, your dh is though and a prize numpty to boot!

julietbat · 02/04/2016 20:30

You say post baby won't be any easier but I remember the last couple of months of pregnancy with dc2 as being far harder than anything I faced with two kids.
Don't forget, once the baby arrives you'll be tired because of being up at night but you won't have that exhaustion because of an enormous-belly-and-inability-to-move-properly problem!
It really does get easier

julietbat · 02/04/2016 20:31

So, no! YANBU!

expatinscotland · 02/04/2016 20:32

Why are doing all these meals and tidying up? Your DH wants them, HE fucking does it. You do nothing. He tidies or hires someone in to do it. He shops, cooks and cleans up. I don't understand these guests who expect to be waited on like it's a hotel, especially family members. Tell the friends you'd love to see them but you are absolutely on your knees with fatigue so it would better to reschedule.

MyAmDeryCross · 02/04/2016 20:33

YANBU at all DH and guests are being really fucking unreasonable. I wouldn't expect to stay with someone at 35 w pg unless it was to help them with things. I hope he sees sense and suggests they stay in a hotel and helps with the hosting during the day, shopping, meal prep etc.

BadgerFace · 02/04/2016 20:36

I have a 12 week old and a 3 year old - post baby is DEFINITELY better than late pregnancy especially whilst still working part time and tiring out first born. Take your time now to rest whilst you can. Book a date to see the friends after baby will be 6+ weeks. MIL better after baby is here too, then all hands available to help entertain older child are useful!!

BadgerFace · 02/04/2016 20:36

Also definitely get people to use hotels where possible!

Swirlingasong · 02/04/2016 20:36

Yanbu! By the time they come you will be full term. Who on earth even wants to stay with someone who could go into labour at any time, let alone thinks it's a reasonable thing to suggest? I'm guessing that it's you that normally does most of the work when hosting guests rather than your DH?

Spandexpants007 · 02/04/2016 20:44

If he's going to clean, cook, tidy up, make the beds, wash the linen after while looking after DC and let you rest, then it's fine.

If you absolutely have to have them prewarn them via text/email that you won't be able to cook/change beds/clean due to pregnancy but you're sure they won't expect you to anyway.

rainbowontheway · 02/04/2016 21:36

DH does help out a lot and doesn't find hosting guests as much of a PITA as I do generally (I'd find it less of a PITA if we had a dedicated guest room) but his mum usually visits midweek when he's at work so more falls to me in the day. The friends would visit at the weekend but even if they stay in a hotel I still envisage feeling we have to offer lunch and dinner here and also have the kids running riot pulling out all the toys (my son would be leading that charge!). We'd aim to get out of the house as much as possible though, weather depending.
Maybe after the baby arrives would be easier, as juliet and badgerface say, assuming my net birth is easier than the last anyway. We've tried to see these friends for months now and we last went to them about a year ago but haven't managed to sort anything and much as I'd like to see them I do also feel that a bit longer won't make much difference.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 02/04/2016 21:43

'but his mum usually visits midweek when he's at work so more falls to me in the day. '

So then he takes all those days off work to entertain her. It isn't 'helping out', it's pulling his weight.

And you tell the friends that it's just too close to your due date, you never know when baby will arrive so you'd love to see them after the baby comes.

MrsMook · 02/04/2016 21:53

After birth is easier than last month of pregnancy. Even when a 3rd degree tear made the SPD more painful, at least I was two stons lighter and able to indulge in two hours sleep at a time

YANBU. Put them off until you're feeling human after the birth.

7Days · 02/04/2016 22:00

Nah fuck that. If you're not the 'No is a complete sentence type', say the doctor told you you are supposed to rest, and in truth, you agree with him/her, you are shattered.

rainbowontheway · 02/04/2016 22:02

I think I'll ask them to wait and try not to feel guilty about it. MIL does help out a fair bit and is low maintenance but she's not the type to cook a meal for us all when staying, but does babysit a fair bit when she's here for us to have afternoons / evenings out, though I'm too tired for that now anyway!

OP posts:

Finola1step · 02/04/2016 22:07

This is a really, really easy YADNBU!

Try telling your 'd'h the following: "We have a last few weeks of being our little family of 3. So our focus should be spending time with ds, just us. We have still got a fair bit to do before baby arrives. So no visitors for now thanks".

Notice how the above includes the words our, we and no.

IAmNotAMindReader · 02/04/2016 22:18

Oi rainbowonthewaysDH YABU. For the entire last month of pregnancy 2 (technically month 7) I was in and out of hospital every few days with leaking waters and high blood pressure, then he turned up 5 weeks early. With pregnancies 3, 4 & 5 the blood pressure got higher and higher till I was shuttling between hospital and complete Drs ordered bed rest. Not that I could have done anything anyway as the medication I was on could have tranquilized a horse.

I am not a precious petal. I made such a fuss to get home after a crash C section that they let me go home a couple of days early and I was out (not driving I hasten to add) doing a full weekly shop within the week as I felt fine.

YANBU, he is.

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DoreenLethal · 02/04/2016 22:24

Who on earth thinks it is fine to visit someone who is 8 months pregnant with a little one already? Fuck sake.

rainbowontheway · 02/04/2016 22:25

Thanks for the support. The most recent visitors confirmed for me that I'm just feeling too tired for all this but equally, I think DH feels that as we pulled out all stops to host them (my relatives from afar who rarely visit but who were visiting us and other local family and using us as a base as no-one else could host them) we need to host the others too..

OP posts:

suspiciousofgoldfish · 02/04/2016 22:41

Don't do it rainbow, any of it. Just say no.

Don't promise anything after the birth either. It may be easier to have guests then, or you may be buried under a pile of nappies and nursing bras, wearing your dressing gown at 3pm and crying for no reason.

House guests and imminent babies are a terrible combination.

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