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AIBU?

To think moving back to home town was a really bad idea?

34 replies

fugglestone · 21/03/2016 21:25

We moved out of London a couple of years ago, have two small DC. We moved back to my home town in Wales as we could never have afforded to buy a house in London, DH got a job nearby and a short time later, so did I. Both DC are now settled in school. I thought small town life would be nice for my DC and that it would be safe etc compared to London. I thought being closer to my family would give us a bit more help with the DC. We were also excited about buying our own home in an area we could afford to buy in.
The reality has been pretty disappointing once the initial novelty wore off. My family have not really been available to help us very much due to their own busy lives and tbh I don't feel that close to them anymore having not lived near them for so long. I have reconnected with some old friends but don't feel I have much in common with them anymore. I have tried hard to form a new circle but just haven't really succeeded. I find living in this town completely boring. It reminds me of the boredom of my youth and it depresses me. I don't really think I want this for my DC after all. We can't go back to London as it is out of our reach but I feel like giving up on this whole plan and relocating to another, smaller city. AIBU to disrupt my family again? I feel like an idiot for doing this and that I should have known it was a stupid idea. At the same time I just don't think I can stay here for years for the sake of family stability when the place depresses me so much.

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ssd · 21/03/2016 21:28

sounds crap

just move

fugglestone · 21/03/2016 21:38

Thanks ssd that's what I think but its such huge disruption for my whole family I feel awful about it.

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CasperGutman · 21/03/2016 21:39

Don't rush into anything but yes, in your position I'd think about moving to a smaller city, in visiting range of family (say about an hour's drive) and affordable compared to London, but with more people and things to do than a small town.

We moved to Cardiff and it's good being able to visit family without having to plan a full on weekend trip anf staying the night, but it's a proper, lively and sophisticated city.

VirginiaWoofs · 21/03/2016 21:41

You might feel the same in another city ? I'd wait a little bit

fugglestone · 21/03/2016 21:41

Thanks Casper its good to hear good things about living in Cardiff and that its worked out for you. I was thinking of that size city, with lots to do but not the madness of London.

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PinkFluffiUnicorn · 21/03/2016 21:56

we have moved around too many times usually been made to move out of rented houses, but always felt glad to be moving, now settled in a small town and made it home, we have been here 7 years. You will know when you feel home...

lertgush · 21/03/2016 22:12

I moved back to my home town when my oldest was 3 months old. It was OK but I know exactly what you mean about finding it boring and not wanting my kids to experience the same boring teen years as I did.

So I moved to the US.

Bit of an OTT reaction possibly, but I've never regretted it :-)

Tabsicle · 21/03/2016 22:14

Cardiff is lovely. SiL lives there with her family and there's quite a lot going on now. Which part of Wales are you in? Would that be a big move?

I also quite like Bangor - decent uni so quite a lot of fun stuff around.

fugglestone · 21/03/2016 22:38

I'm (entirely irrationally) afraid of outing myself Tabsicle but lets just say its remote- too remote and small and driving me nuts, note close enough to any city to really be accessible. If we do move Cardiff would be a contender as would quite a few small but vibrant cities in the Mid to South West, of which there are actually quite a few. We just went a bit too extreme going from London to this plus the complete brain melt of being back in my home town.

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fugglestone · 21/03/2016 22:39

lertgush I am inspired by your bravery! How long were you in your home town before you made the move?

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Maisy313 · 21/03/2016 23:03

You are not near Cardigan are you?!

fugglestone · 21/03/2016 23:11

I'm not Maisy, is it phenomenally depressing as well?

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blueturtle6 · 22/03/2016 06:23

Focus on the positives, smaller schools for children, able to go out in the countryside after school and weekends, not worrying about them.joining gangs. Plan trips back to city if need be?

MrsJamin · 22/03/2016 06:45

I'd move to Cardiff if I were you. I live in a small city after growing up in the countryside and however much I fantasise about idyllic rural life, I think we'd all be bored by it, increasingly so when the children grow up. Do it now!

GreatFuckability · 22/03/2016 06:47

How old are the DC? I do know what you mean about small hometown life, I did it too and whilst I don't hate it as much as you seem too, I don't want to live here forever either. I'll stay a few more years as my DC are now in or coming up to high school age and don't want to move them, but once they finish school I'm off!

Maisy313 · 22/03/2016 08:17

Yes it is! We moved from west London for exactly the same reasons. Regret it deeply! Coast line is beautiful in summer but it just doesn't feel enough.

jimmyjoejamtoe · 22/03/2016 08:24

do it. nice areas of great cities is a great life style imo. even the suburbs ime interesting.

jimmyjoejamtoe · 22/03/2016 08:25

many areas of zones 4-6 are still affordable too

scarlets · 22/03/2016 09:00

Cardiff property can be expensive, especially family-sized houses near the decent schools. I'd do plenty of research on that kind of thing. City life is fine if you've the money to avoid the undesirable areas and schools.

You don't mention your husband and children very much. If they are well-settled they may not want to move I suppose.

fugglestone · 22/03/2016 10:37

I need to sit down and have a proper talk with DH, trying to get things clear in my own head first. I think he has similar feelings but would probably prefer to stay here for the next 10 years then move. I just look ahead and that seems an eternity. I keep thinking lifes too short to stay somewhere i dont like. I have a lot of guilt about DCs as they are settled in school, only in year one so maybe a move wouldnt be so bad. Its not just small town vs city thats the problem though, something about being back in my home town is seriously getting to me!

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fugglestone · 22/03/2016 10:39

Maisy sorry to hear Cardigan is also depressing! Maybe we can start a support group!

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blobbityblob · 22/03/2016 11:24

I think it's an awful lot easier to move a dc in year 1, than one in year 5/6 or after.

And very hard to make that decision if it's mainly just you being unhappy.

I feel that way about where I live. If I could go back in time, I'd have moved when they were little.

It's hard now because their friends mean so much to them at this age. Whereas I think in the early school years the friendships were quite fluid, chopping and changing. It would have been much easier to integrate into a new school then. They've got Sats next year and we've to apply for secondary in October. It's make or break now and I think I'm erring on not moving and sticking it out for another 8 years.

It's such a diifficult decision to make. But I think in year 1 they'd have adapted quite quickly and probably not remembered much about it. The longer you leave it, the harder it gets. And life is short. I'm not going to be leaving here until I'm 56 - nearly a pensioner! It's a long time to be unhappy and not really making the most of your life.

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xenapants · 22/03/2016 11:39

If you can afford to move again and can make it work with jobs etc, then god, just do it. I couldn't live in my hometown again and life's too short to be unhappy. Cardiff is a good suggestion, I hear good things about it. Also, if you're anywhere near the bridges, Bristol is ace.

fugglestone · 22/03/2016 12:07

Thanks blobbity, sorry to hear that you feel a similar way. It does seem harder to move when they are older and have stronger friendships.

xena I have thought about Bristol! What is it like as a place to bring up DCs?

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MissHooliesCardigan · 22/03/2016 13:16

I feel for you. The thought of moving back to my home town makes me feel suicidal. I think you've given it long enough. I agree that, if you're going to move, it's better to do it sooner rather than later as DCs adjust better and changing schools when they're still at primary isn't a huge deal. I also think there are huge advantages for older DCs and teenagers to living in a city or large town as they're able to be more independent and aren't reliant on you driving them everywhere so they'll probably be thankful when they're older. Good luck.

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