Bad teeth AIBU to mention?

[Ilovetorrentialrain]

My boyfriend of 5 years (we don't live together) has always had pretty badly looked after teeth (neglected in his teens, he brushes them several times per day now but it's too late).

Around 6 months ago one of them snapped completely and he needs a crown. It looks pretty bad and is in quite a visible place. He doesn't appear bothered about getting it sorted.

In short, his teeth are getting to be a real turn off. Money is not an issue and he is not phobic about the dentist. He just prioritises work etc over getting this sorted.

WIBU to say how I'm feeling? What would you do?

Please go easy, not done AIBU before!

Thanks.

[sunnyshowers]

Sure to be flamed but I d hate that. It's not that I demand perfection but reasonable teeth are important but the lack of intrest in fixing them would trouble me.
They must hurt?

[GertrudeBadger]

yanbu to mention - I'd probably say it makes him look poor, or as though he's not looking after himself rather than not fanciable though!

[MatildaTheCat]

After five years together I'd definitely say something. Tell him you are concerned that neglecting his dental health needs could lead to future problems as well as looking unsightly. A broken tooth is asking for trouble...which is bound to happen on holiday or at some really inconvenient time. It also looks a bit unprofessional if he works in an environment where it matters how you look.

Find a local dentist from a recommendation and make him an appointment. Book the hygienist while you are about it as well. The fact that he neglected during his teens doesn't need to mean he loses all his teeth by the time he's 30 or whatever.

[steptoeandaughter]

ok, sorry to hijack but I have a similar predicament. Been seeing the loveliest bloke for the last 4 months. The description of your DP's teeth is very similar, if not worse.

Obviously I am not that bothered as it hasn't put me off seeing him...but I keep wondering WHY he never got it sorted.

He has a good job etc so it hasn't held him back but I think it makes him look like someone he isn't. Should I mention something?

[Namechangenell]

So long as you live in a developed country with access to decent dentists, say something!

[AdrenalineFudge]

Of course say something. You should too step because as the relationship grows it'll always be at the back of your mind. At some point all you'll be able to see are the dodgy teeth and not the man himself. Sorry but I don't understand why someone wouldn't.

[GertrudeBadger]

Yes also steptoe, I would, why not? My DH has started taking better care of his teeth when he realized that other people noticed, maybe it doesn't bother them so they've just assumed other people don't notice.

[steptoeandaughter]

...don't want to offend him...

...don't know how to bring it up...

[centigrade451]

Just tell him you overheard some random person refer to him as that bloke with the ugly teeth and that you don't want him to be 'one of THOSE people' known for their bad teeth and that it reflects poorly on him. Tell him he is such a fantastic man but that his teeth let him down and he deserves to be known more than the guy with bad teeth. Tell him he must get it sorted.

[Ilovetorrentialrain]

Yes Steptoe I'm the same. My teeth aren't perfect and that's not what I'm expecting , but they're really pretty bad. If he yawns it's just a sea of dark fillings, and now the broken one which is an awful dark colour.

As a PP said, I imagine it is noticed at work. He has a professional, senior role. It's not the end of the world of course, but becoming an issue for me.

[ppeatfruit]

Why not casually mention your next dental check up and talk about your own teeth? Then he'd join in and you could assist him in his hunt for a 'good' dentist or whatever problem he has with dentists.

dh is obsessed with his bloody dentist and his filling that keeps falling out! But it's better than looking like he doesn't care.

[Ilovetorrentialrain]

Good idea, thanks Gertrude.

To be honest he is the least image conscious person I have ever met. In some ways this is nice and refreshing, but in others (mainly the teeth, but also wearing clothes he used to fit into but doesn't any more, needs reminding to clean his shoes or throw out ones that are beyond repair) I have issues. He's clean though don't get me wrong!

[Ilovetorrentialrain]

Centigrade that's a great way of putting it too. Thanks.

I really appreciate the suggestions form everyone.

We talk about pretty much everything... But this is something I'm struggling to know how to say.

[3luckystars]

Could you put some Nutella over one of your teeth and give him a big smile? See if he likes it.

[oldlaundbooth]

Decent teeth are as basic as taking a shower and keeping yourself clean.

He needs to get himself sorted - he must be terrible to kiss.

[toastandbutterandjam]

I don't think you would be unreasonable to say something. You have been in a relationship for 5 years. Brushing them several times a day will not resolve the damage that's already done. Could you say something about you going for a check up and ask him to go for one too? He could end up very unwell (abscess and all sorts) if he leaves broken teeth without treatment. I would mention it and explain the health issues he could end up with.

I used to have awful teeth (was extremely dental phobic though - dentist put me in hospital when I was young and I was unwell for months). I wanted orthodontic treatment for a long long time and eventually (last year!) plucked up the courage to go and get my dental health and orthodontic treatment sorted. I am thrilled

I hope you get it sorted OP

[oldlaundbooth]

This is what Tom looked like beforehand!

Dentists are MIRACLE workers!

[Ilovetorrentialrain]

Ha luckystars!

I was honestly expecting to be told to stop placing importance on looks so am so chuffed for the understanding, practical advice. Thanks.

[Belikethat]

I would say, that tooth looks awful, why don't you get it fixed?

If that is too blunt, just say a version of it.

[WeAllHaveWings]

He is probably well aware of how his teeth look so I don't think it is appropriate to ask him to change his appearance to suit you. The same way it would be wrong for him to say to you he didn't fancy you or like your appearance because you'd put on weight, boobs were sagging, legs were hairy, wrinkles on face etc etc.

[steptoeandaughter]

WeAllHaveWings this is exactly how I'm thinking

[steptoeandaughter]

Posted too soon.

Just would feel like an insult to him a kick in the teeth. He doesn't seem bothered and who am I to try and change him? But on the other hand I don't understand him not getting it sorted. He's handsome now but with nice teeth...

[doughnutslikefannys]

I would say, that tooth looks awful, why don't you get it fixed?

That's probably the route I would go down too. My mum is really weird about teeth and has passed that obsession on to me, I couldn't go out with someone with bad teeth

[specialsubject]

not so much looks, but this is going to, er, bite him at the worst possible time if/when he gets an infection. Which by sods law will be at a time when he can't get to a dentist.

and also later in life when dentures are not fun.

he doesn't need a silly hollywood smile but he does need healthy teeth!

[PestilentialCat]

My DH neglects his teeth. They are brownish near the gums because of tetracyclines as a child - he can't help that.

What he can help is never going to the dentist even if he breaks a tooth & has pain on eating. He last went 10 years ago (at least) & the lovely dentist recommended a colleague for implants - he just never made the appointment & has broken more teeth since. His smile is okay but his breath is awful & he reckons he just doesn't have the time to go doesn't stop him pissing about on his half day

He's not phobic, he just can't be bothered