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To think I need to do something about the new neighbours?

(38 Posts)
Cakedoesntjudge Sun 06-Mar-16 08:10:09

My new neighbours moved in about a month ago. I've yet to actually see them but have worked out from all the bellowing that a woman is living there with her two children, one a teenage boy and one a preschool daughter - and potentially her partner.

Since moving in multiple times a day I can hear her yelling at the children, most often the daughter, thinks like "shut the f up you f-ing little b****" and similar. The child is always crying I don't blame her.

I live in a semi detached house with very thin walls and I am not bothered my usual everyday noise, I understand that's a part of it. I'm not bothered by occasional parties or the occasional argument/yelling at children (I appreciate everyone is human and snaps sometimes).

However, this is really bothering me. It is occasionally at pretty anti-social hours (in this week alone I was woken up at 6 by it twice and once at 1:30am). Not to mention the fact that hearing the little girl crying her eyes out afterwards really pulls at my heartstrings!! I can't fathom talking to such a young child like that ever, let alone with such regularity (I do have a 5 year old, I know that they can test your patience like nothing else on earth).

I don't know what to do about it. I am torn between going round there and saying something though I would imagine she'd rip my head off, ignoring it and not being an interfering neighbour, or reporting her. But I wouldn't really want to do that without talking to her first.

Advice from anybody would be welcome!

Ratbagcatbag Sun 06-Mar-16 08:13:07

I'd report it to ss, they can then see if the mum needs any help at all.
I would have been in two minds before but after that case where a neighbour heard the little girl crying and they have now been prosecuted for her murder I think I would have too.

Ratbagcatbag Sun 06-Mar-16 08:15:05

I also wouldn't talk to her about it, she's not going to admit anything to you and possibly will be more underhand, if you then have to report later on then she would suspect it's you.
Reporting now gives ss the option of working with her.

Cakedoesntjudge Sun 06-Mar-16 18:06:57

Yeah I think I'm just going to do it. Later after I posted that this morning I heard her yelling at the little girl telling her she was an effing slag and she was going to smack her one for having an accident (she didn't for the record otherwise I'd have called on the spot whether it's a Sunday or not) If she goes nuts at me she'll just have to get over it. I did think about that article in the news too!

I did end up saying something when I got back from my mums today. She was having a bellowing match on the doorstep with her partner this time and I let it go on for about ten minutes with her swearing and going off her nut at him (he, in fairness, was keeping his cool pretty well) and then I just opened the door and asked them to cut out the swearing as it's all I've heard since they moved in and I didn't appreciate my 5 year old having to listen to it. He apologised. They're still yelling now but do thankfully seem to have dialled back on the swearing mostly! My current solution is to stick the tv on and turn it up until I can't hear them!

JolseBaby Sun 06-Mar-16 18:14:23

SS - pronto. Calling a small child a 'slag'? Poor kid.

Skittlesss Sun 06-Mar-16 21:49:10

Social services or police if ongoing domestic. They'll report to SS as well if domestic reported and they have children. Poor little girl, I feel sick for her. Honestly if she wakes you up in the night shouting like that then call straight away. Social services emergency duty team will be on. That poor child.

bumbleymummy Sun 06-Mar-16 21:58:44

sad poor little girl. How awful.

Dawndonnaagain Sun 06-Mar-16 22:07:03

I used to pray somebody would report my mother, a) so that I could be rescued and b) so that I'd be believed. I still live with the consequences of maternal abuse at the age of 57. Please report.

Pinkheart5915 Sun 06-Mar-16 22:12:26

You could report your concerns to social services? A visit from them might do the child some good will even show the parent in to behaving like a parent or they could offer the mum some support.

I guess if you feel the little one might be in danger call 111 see what they say

JoffreyBaratheon Sun 06-Mar-16 22:19:04

We have lived next door to this for 2 1/2 years now and it's heartbreaking.

We're at the point now we've been told to ring the police and on the emergency number, as well. But nothing happens - police get fobbed off by the and leave smiling and joking, every time. We've heard the 3 and 5 year olds next door called fuckers, cunts, bastard, idiot, little shit - you name it.

SS came out briefly, visited weekly then seemed to sign them off. NSPCC got things going and got the police involved, but now don't even bother to acknowledge emails. The police told us "the relevant agencies are involved".

These children remain alone in the house with two alcoholics (we assume they are alcoholics as years ago we lived next door to a registered alcoholic, and they buy booze buy the crate - even he didn't).

On Friday I heard the little girl crying and screaming, and the father shouting at the mother that "I've had five years of this shit now!" (the older child is five so I guess he meant parenthood). They are clearly two inadequates with all kinds of issues but nothing ever gets done and the children remain in their care.

Ring 999. Don't bother with the other police number - that is only logging incidents.

Email the NSPCC (but they will stop responding when this continues and bear in mind if people are abusing their kids, they're doing it repeatedly).

No-one gives a sod, any more, about children in these situations. I think the odd high profile case is collateral damage and the powers that be see it as cheaper to sack and pay off a high profile social worker, than it is to deal with the case.

I have become a cynic, and utterly lost all hope of these two kids being got to a place of safety. No-one cares, I suspect, because there'd be a lot of unemployed people if these scumbag 'parents' were actually dealt with.

(We saw them kicking the crap out of their dog in broad daylight and they got away with that too - because I didn't film it).

Record, btw. Get evidence.

My kids have got hardened to hearing it after over two years. I often feel like taking out a private court case if the police won't do them for child abuse - to sue them for abuse of my kids, having to live a few metres away from this. There needs to be some mechanism to deal with these situations - I hope you don't have years of this.

Cakedoesntjudge Sun 06-Mar-16 22:52:39

Joffrey that's awful sad it's only been about a month and I'm already finding it heartbreaking - I think it bothers me more that although she's crying her eyes out when she's being yelled at ten minutes later I can hear her playing happily - to me that shows how used she is to such outbursts and I just think that's horrific, especially at such a young age.

Jolesy - I know, I honestly can't fathom how someone could do that once without feeling guilty forever, let alone doing it over and over again.

Skittlesss- it's good to know there's an emergency number for night time. That makes sense now you've said it - I suppose such things rarely slot neatly into office hours!

Bumbleymummy - I know, always makes me want to go round and take them to mine for snuggles, hot chocolate and a film. Whatever issues the mum is facing to behave in such a way, no child should ever have to put up with it.

Dawn - I'm so sorry that happened to you, children are so helpless in situations like this and I think it's so easy for people to miss because I bet she's not like this with them in public.

Pink heart - since this started I have always stopped what I'm doing and paid particular attention when she's loosing it because you can literally hear EVERYTHING. If I'd ever laid a hair on her I would have called someone immediately - I'd rather be accused of being a bit over zealous than know I was just sitting back and ignoring it. I originally thought maybe it was just moving stress and she dealt with it particularly badly but after hearing more and more I think this is some kind of sad normality and I don't think that's any healthier sad

I will call and report it tomorrow. Does anyone know if you need a name to do so? Or can you just report an address?

AlpacaLypse Sun 06-Mar-16 23:05:16

If you don't know the name you don't know the name. The address is better than nothing. Definitely get something moving. Poor children...

Pinkheart5915 Sun 06-Mar-16 23:07:53

I don't think your need there name, just give the address of the property explain what you hear/see and Say you are a very concerned neighbour.

I think there is no such thing as over zealous when a child is involved, Its better to report it and let the authorities decide if the child is at risk or not.

You must be a very caring, warm person to care so much about that little child's well being, your doing the right thing reporting it.

VoldysGoneMouldy Sun 06-Mar-16 23:11:29

You can report just with an address. You can also report anonymously, though if you do that they will not be able to update you afterwards (although tbh they can't always anyway). It's not a nice thing to have to do, but it sounds like the little girl especially really needs you to do this.

Fatmomma99 Sun 06-Mar-16 23:29:41

do you know where she goes to school?

If so, talk to them - they may have their own concerns, and your background information will help them.

CrazyCatLaydee123 Sun 06-Mar-16 23:34:20

You can do online tip off anonymously on NSPCC website.

kawliga Mon 07-Mar-16 00:45:58

Be kind, be neighbourly, be nice to the children if you get a chance. When you read memoirs of kids who grew up with abuse, it was often a kind neighbour, kind teacher, etc, who saved them by showing them kindness in a world where they feel worthless. Would reporting to the school be worth a try? The school is probably already aware.

I'm afraid that Joffrey's experience is typical. I don't think it's just that the authorities don't care. I think there's little they can do if they turn up and the parents deny everything. They can't take dc away just because of what the neighbour said. Come to think of it I don't think they can take dc away just because parents are shouting and calling them slags? I think they'd be sent for parenting classes or something. Sadly authorities seem to wake up and take action when it's too late and something awful has happened to the dcs. In cases that don't end well you often hear that the family was known to ss and sometimes the police too.

goldensquirrel Mon 07-Mar-16 07:44:06

Poor child - I would report and have confronted a person doing smacking and swearing at a baby toddler -15 months or so. She had pinned the child in the pushchair for the beating. It was disturbing on lots of levels buy my own DC were terrified as it was in a supermarket. I told her that she disgusted me and she said she was trying to stop her hurting herself chucking herself down the escalator. I pointed out the irony of her comments when she was smacking a baby. she was shocked I intervened and said I was a do gooder. I told her that I'd rather one of those mothers than the kind she was. She then left.

Something has to be done at a political level- it's shocking all this aquiesing and not good enough. if the authorities don't do anything is their a broader way to highlight this via local MP etc.

Cakedoesntjudge Mon 07-Mar-16 14:07:58

Thanks guys I will just get on with it then, feel like I may have raised suspicions if I'd gone round to ask for her full name!!

Kawliga - they're some very good points. It is tough and I think that quite often social services are just always told they're wrong and get a bad rep for what must be a soul destroying job. I do feel for them.

Golden squirrel - I actually work in a supermarket and have done for years. It is shocking the way some people will treat their children. I once intervened when I saw a woman who looked a bit twitchy full on slap her daughter (who looked about 7) round the face, hard enough to leave a handprint, when she was doing nothing wrong. I couldn't stop myself going over and asking what an earth she thought she was doing when she went to do it again and she went ballistic at me and then her partner came over and started yelling at her asking what the hell she'd done now.

I was glad I did but I did get into a lot of trouble at work for it. Apparently we are not allowed to intervene at any point. Since then I have found myself having to walk away to the warehouse because I just can't abide watching it and not being able to do something. I understand that light smacking is a personal preference for some parents but so many take it too far, I frequently see parents holding young children in pushchairs to smack them like you did and it gets to me every time.

Veterinari Mon 07-Mar-16 14:22:26

Please try and record th shouting OP, you can do it in your phone or get a cheap dictaphone

MadisonMontgomery Mon 07-Mar-16 14:34:02

Report it. I once heard a previous neighbour telling their 5 year old off - it sent chills down my spine, he wasn't yelling, he was just so cruel with what he was saying, and the tone of his voice. This poor little boy was just stood there frozen in fear, I've never forgotten the look on his face. I have always wished that I had reported it, but he & his wife were just so lovely normally I didn't see how anyone would believe me.

Skittlesss Mon 07-Mar-16 19:15:21

Madison, they would believe you. Please don't think they wouldnt. I work on child protection and the offenders often look/seem like they'd never do it xx

Skittlesss Mon 07-Mar-16 19:15:34

In not on

Cutecat78 Mon 07-Mar-16 19:23:29

Off topic but there is no such thing as a "registered" alcoholic.

The swearing would bug me too - everyone has rows and shouts sometimes but that's sounds off the scale.

SC will support her.

WishToBeWell Mon 07-Mar-16 22:52:49

Hi OP Just wanted to say I really do hope you do report. I was that child and everyone turned a blind eye; please don't be that person flowers

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