Bit of background; my SIL and PIL are lovely, kind people who would do anything for anyone. Genuinely lovely. However, my SIL tends to organise big outings/ events to coincide with mine.
For example, she booked her wedding dress shopping weekend for the day after I had my first DC (date known in advance due to CS) and understandably, MIL had to delay seeing DD until dress weekend was over.
SIL booked her housewarming for the day of my graduation so we were all rushing from one event to the next.
She's not a bad person and I do, genuinely think that she doesn't do this on purpose.
So, my current dilemma. We have been TTC our second DC for years, but haven't been successful. We recently shared that we're having IVF in the hope if conceiving number two. If the first shot is successful (good chance it won't be, to be fair) the baby would be born around the date of my DD's birthday. We've all been laughing about this a few weeks later, my SIL (who hasn't got married in the last 5 years despite having the dress 
) has not booked her wedding to coincide with a date that either first IVF baby would be born or we'd possibly be going through more IVF. She's getting married abroad so we need to book ASAP.
So, AIBU to send my DH alone (my DD will stay at home with me due to the faff) as I can't guarantee I'll be able to go due to possible baby's birth, IVF or even a pregnancy. I can't book a holiday it's likely I'll be unable to attend, even if it is a wedding, can I.
I am fully aware that my SIL will be sad as she wanted me and my DD to be bridesmaids, but honestly, she can't expect me to go, can she?
AIBU?
To send DH while I stay at home.
Finallyonboard · 24/02/2016 12:30
And you're sure she's not doing this on purpose?....
Do whatever you want to do, she does. Good luck with the IVF 
South, it's more than three times in the last 16 years butni can't even remember most of them. My DH and I tend tomlaugh about it now. She's such a great person in every other way I don't feel I can hold it against her really
Of course neither of you can commit. Please don't de as a pp has suggested and try to claim it back on a credit card ( think she has rather confused credit card protection and travel insurance 
). Either way, they will definitely not pay out on a pre planned pregnancy. It's hardly an ill ness and certainly classes as a pre existing condition. Obviously health complications during pregnancy may be treated differently.
You SIL may be lovely but she's after the limelight. Keep your plans quiet in future.
She is being unreasonable i think and its too many times to be a coincidence - but if you want to keep the peace, if its that far in advance you dont need to pay in full, couldn't you just book and pay the minimal deposit. It may be that you can go in the end, but if the IVF works and you cant then you will know well before the usual 12week balance payment and would just lose the deposit?
Would that be an option to keep the peace?
and good luck with the IVF 
Not to be blunt, but there's a bit of the IVF process that your DH, ahem, needs to be present for.
So long as you can avoid that, he'd be fine to go. DH went away just after "DD1" was transferred and I actually found out we'd been successful when he was away. Had a very good friend stay the night before I tested so I wouldn't be on my own.
(Four time veteran of IVF here, feel free to PM if you want to chat. DD1 was fourth attempt. One natural miscarriage, and one on IVF - learned a huge amount along the way. DD2 was a BOGOF baby so they can happen too!)
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
The details;
I'm having the first shot right now and happily I have lots and lots of eggs which might be collected Friday (eeek). I'm having genetic screening so gap between egg collection and transfer, so as a guess, may-ish time. DDs birthday early next year and wedding same time.
Wedding hasn't been paid for in full, they are in the final planning stages with the venue, so not sure how official the booking is.
If this shot fails, definitely no baby due around wedding, but we'll be taking our second go as soon as we can, so I could (you never know ) be pregnant? As I've had miscarriages, I wouldn't want to travel if definitely pregnant.
It is possible that I'll be doing nothing though around the time of the wedding and in this instance, definitely should be going. So perhaps booking and paying a deposit as someone above suggested isn't actually unreasonable in this case.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.