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To think DH should have organised something?

(34 Posts)
SESthebrave Tue 09-Feb-16 20:01:55

It's my birthday next Monday. On Christmas Day, DH said that for my birthday he would sort out a trip to the West End to see Wicked (which he knows I've wanted to see for a while) and a night away DC free. He asked my DB and SIL if they'd look after the DC. My parents were with us too and my mum said she didn't think it was fair to ask DB and SIL like that.

A couple of weeks ago I was telling a friend how I was looking forward to it and she said she might be able to get cheap tickets for Wicked. I told DH and he told me to speak to her and book it and also speak to DB and book childcare. I refused saying part of the treat was not having to organise it. I thought it might end up that we see the show but not have a night away.

My friend today said she'd messages DH a link last week. I asked DH if I needed to plan around anything for the weekend and he said no, that he now thinks it's too late to book anything and that he'll have to owe me. He says he has ordered me a present which he's sure I'll like.

My friend has today offered to have the DC overnight or babysit for the evening but he thinks it's too late now. We're already out for a meal Friday evening (late Christmas meal with friends) so I'd like to do something other than a meal out but I don't know what. I'm not sure why I'm left feeling I need to organise something and surely DH should have just sorted something?


CMOTDibbler Tue 09-Feb-16 20:13:43

YANBU, so tell him to get off his arse and organise what he said he would. That its important to you to see him making an effort for you. That organising your own birthday treat is no treat at all.

MadameJosephine Tue 09-Feb-16 20:14:32

Honestly? I would go out without him, selfish sod. I remember something similar happening leading up to my 40th, (now ex) DP said we should go on a trip away but he never actually organised anything so on my birthday when it became obvious that nothing at all was arranged I went online and booked myself a last minute week in lanzarote and flew out that afternoon

Tiggeryoubastard Tue 09-Feb-16 20:16:56

Why did your mother stick her beak in?

Thattimeofyearagain Tue 09-Feb-16 20:21:24

YADNBU. Lazy sod .

SESthebrave Tue 09-Feb-16 20:25:32

My mum always sticks her beak in and I don't think liked the idea my DB would look after the DC rather than her. She won't look after them though as she says she's not able to (physically) which is possibly true due to her arthritis

suitsyousir79 Tue 09-Feb-16 20:27:16

To be fair you could both go in to town on the day and pick up tickets from one of the discount places nearby. If the baby sitter is sorted you could both still go. He does sound a bit like he cant be arsed tho, and could do with a rocket up his arse!

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow Tue 09-Feb-16 20:27:35

Organise something with your friend and leave your lazy thoughtless DH at home.

Vintage45 Tue 09-Feb-16 20:28:49


eddielizzard Tue 09-Feb-16 20:44:20

don't involve your mum in your babysitting plans with your db. if he wants to help, let him.

and your dh clearly doesn't want to honour his promise and that is very crappy indeed.

Tiggeryoubastard Tue 09-Feb-16 20:44:51

Well frankly if I'd tried and you'd let her interfere like that I probably wouldn't bother after. And we'd be having a serious talk about her interfering.

Potatoface2 Tue 09-Feb-16 20:49:52

my husband is always like this....says he will take me for a meal but then asks me to arrange it....stopped doing it....and i dont bother with his anymore both ways imo.....if he wants to do something on his birthday he can arrange it his self.....its my birthday soon....i might treat myself to a trip to lanzarote....will be more of a surprise for him when he gets in from work and im not here!

3WiseWomen Tue 09-Feb-16 21:00:37


Not only he is not honouring his promise but he is clearly avoiding doing so (all the talk about it being too late is rubbish. He should, at least, been trying!!).

I would have a very serious chat with him. How serious will depend on whether this is a normal occurence or not.

foxessocks Tue 09-Feb-16 21:02:14

Maybe he has organised something as a surprise...?

diddl Tue 09-Feb-16 21:15:31

Well tbh it sounds to me as if you are cutting off your nose to spite your face.

He tried to speak to your brother about childcare so I'm not surprised he asked you to do that.

And when friend said she thought that she could get tickets I would have asked her to there & then, no buggering about telling husband to do it.

If it always/often happens though I could see why you would be turning it back to him.

Jumblesalesandra Tue 09-Feb-16 21:27:38

Iwould book it myself and sort the babysitters myself. We have joint money so I wouldn't care who actually went online and booked a show or evening out.

FelicityFunknickle Tue 09-Feb-16 21:36:41

Ffs. This is so annoying.
although your dh has not been a boy wonder over this, I can see why he wants you to sort the childcare.
It was your dm who thwarted his attempts to arrange a babysitter with your db, In that position I would feel uncomfortable pushing it tbh.
Arranging the night out / away is a thoughtful thing to do but as it's your family who are expected to babysit and your dm made that difficult then I can see why he is a bit pissed off.

gingerboy1912 Tue 09-Feb-16 21:38:06

Yanbu op. Your Dh is a lazy buggar

FelicityFunknickle Tue 09-Feb-16 21:41:06

Oh just read the op properly.
What am I missing? Why the fuss about not having to book it. Your friend said she could get cheap tickets and dh said you should go ahead and book it.

diddl Tue 09-Feb-16 21:43:42

Glad it's not just me Felicity

Can't imagine saying to my friend "oh that's great but husband's got to book it, or the whole thing's ruined".

I'm guessing this must be one of many things he's said he would do but hasn't.

Jumblesalesandra Tue 09-Feb-16 22:04:53

I do think you just have to be pragmatic about this kind of thing. If you want to go then make it happen. Same as if I want a particular birthday present. I will research it in advance, and then either take DH to buy it together, or order it for myself and give it to him to wrap. Not very romantic I suppose, but after 30 plus years of marriage it's nice to have practical solutions.

SESthebrave Tue 09-Feb-16 22:12:44

I suppose part of the treat is not having to organise it. My friend said she could try and contact someone about cheap tickets. She said "Tell him to contact me and I'll let him know what I can sort".

I didn't let my mum interfere. She did. Why didn't DH follow up with my DB separately afterwards when she wasn't around?

Having said all that, I take on board your comments about cutting off my nose but at no point until today did he say nothing was organised. I'm not sure what stopped him from booking tickets and organising other childcare for the evening with no night away. We have a number of friends / babysitters who could help with that. DB was asked for overnight help. The night away wasn't key but organising something was.

diddl Tue 09-Feb-16 22:22:42

I do get that, but I wouldn't dig my heels in & risk it not happening for the sake of a couple of phone calls.

I also would have more time to do it & know that if my husband said that he would do it, he wouldn't just be saying it; that would be his intention iyswim.

mrsmeerkat Tue 09-Feb-16 22:22:48

It is a huge let down but if you are going for a meal this weekend already then it's not as bad as it could be.

I would go to the concert with your friend and leave dh babysit

SESthebrave Tue 09-Feb-16 22:25:16

diddl - yes. I will make some phone calls and see what is available. You are right to say that. I don't have more time than DH though. We both work ft.

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