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AIBU?

To leave a bf two year old for 14-15 hours?

42 replies

ArriettyMatilda · 03/02/2016 08:01

I've got a hen do coming up in a couple of months that will be about an hours drive away. It's an all day activity followed by an evening of food and drink, which is not at all unreasonable. When dd was just over one I had a similar day and so I came back to feed her before the evening bit. I'm wondering if I could leave her all day without worrying about feeding her. Currently she feeds on waking, before nap, briefly after nap and then before sleeping at night and a couple of times through the night. I happily leave her all day if I need to, but I've never missed the bedtime feed.

I'm concerned she be really unsettled and confused about where I'm the milk gone. Has anyone got any past experience of leaving a bf toddler without milk for the first time? Is there any way I can prepare her? Will I need to express in the evening? The first few times I left her in the day I was uncomfortable by about 5pm, but that's not so bad now even though she feeds in the day. And finally am I being pfb?

OP posts:

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Iguessyourestuckwithme · 03/02/2016 08:03

Without sounding rude she's 2, give her a beaker with cows milk/water/juice and she'll be fine. She may miss mummy but a 2 year old will survive without breastfeeding for a day or 2.

notenoughbottle · 03/02/2016 08:05

I fed my ds2 the longest out of all
Of my children - over 2 years. How long are you planning on feeding for? I'd maybe advise starting to cut down feeds now which would help. If it's a couple of months away you have plenty of time to prepare and you're ds will be old enough to slightly understand there is no milk from mummy for just one day.

notenoughbottle · 03/02/2016 08:06

I fed my ds2 the longest out of all
Of my children - over 2 years. How long are you planning on feeding for? I'd maybe advise starting to cut down feeds now which would help. If it's a couple of months away you have plenty of time to prepare and you're ds will be old enough to slightly understand there is no milk from mummy for just one day.

MLGs · 03/02/2016 08:06

Ywnbu to leave a two year old for this length of time.

They don't actually need the milk for nutrition so will be fine with food and other drinks. I would try to cut down on the feeds in the meantime so that she is not used to so much milk by the time you go. Were you thinking of cutting down anyway?

I would also try to cut out night feeds for my own sanity if it was me, but that's up to you.

If you think she would miss the milk itself you could leave a bit of ebm. But I guess it is the closeness of bf she will miss, so get whoever looks after her to give her lots of cuddles and she will be fine.

Writerwannabe83 · 03/02/2016 08:07

She's 2, not 2 months. Of course she will be fine.

I breast feed my 22 month old and sometimes he goes 48 hours without seeing me and of course he's absolutely fine.

gamerchick · 03/02/2016 08:08

Ah shell be ok. I know where you're coming from though. You shouldn't get engorged now either as its pretty much made as they feed. Boobs are clever.

Cabrinha · 03/02/2016 08:12

At 2, I was back travelling away for 2-3 nights at a time, and still bf. She just fed when I was there, and had cows milk and cuddles when I wasn't. No problem at all. Carried on like that til 4.

SerenityReynolds · 03/02/2016 08:14

She'll be fine. I assume she drinks cows milk from a cup as well? Just offer that at the times she would normally breastfeed. Get whoever is looking after her to plan a busy day so she is distracted and hopefully tired at bed time. Worst case scenario, she might grizzle a bit but you're certainly not going to do any long term damage.

Sweetpotatoaddict · 03/02/2016 08:21

I left our 1 yr old for 24 hours with my parents when he was still feeding 3 times a day. He was absolutely fine, when I arrived back he wasn't particularly impressed with me, but had a feed and forgot all about the terrible thing mummy had done!! He had milk from a beaker before bed, and my parents said he was completely fine and his usual happy self. I expressed in the evening for comfort.

Yanbu, she doesn't need it for nutrition and if anything like my little boy will be fine. Go without feeling guilty.

HackerFucker22 · 03/02/2016 08:25

At worst she just won't settle all that well for whoever has her. She certainly won't starve!!

I often find in threads like this you can't win though. People seem to find it odd that a 2 year old is still bfing? My dd is just gone 1 and I am in no hurry to stop. I thought natural weaning was 'rated' on here but you often see comments to the contrary.

OP it's up to you, your child is 2 now and one night out isn't going to be detrimental in anyway. I'm consciously making the effort to leave my bfing, co-lseeping, clingy little one as I think she needs to gradually learn mummy goes but comes back [so far I've only left her with daddy and only left her a few hours at a time but I'm back to work 3 days a week now so leaving her with mil]. I am not trying to tinker with her feeds at all though. She can decide for herself.

Janeymoo50 · 03/02/2016 08:29

Maybe try a sippy cup with milk. She's two years old, not 2 months.

Cheby · 03/02/2016 08:31

YANBU. She will be fine. I went back to work when DD was 11 months, but still fed to 2.5. Had a couple of work over nights in that time and she was fine, just fed when I got back. Enjoy yourself!

HappyJustToBe · 03/02/2016 08:35

I fed DD to 2 and went away quite a bit in the second year for 24/48 hours. She was fine with her Dad because she didn't associate him with bf.

ArriettyMatilda · 03/02/2016 08:36

Thank you, you've all been fairly reassuring. Like a pp said I'm not worried about nutrition or even particularly hydration as it's only one day and of course she drinks and eats a wide variety of other things. She'll probably enjoy milk or juice in a cup as a treat. Its more the comfort side of things for both me and her.

I'm not really looking to cut down. I've done nothing much to cut down to what we're at now and I've notice lately that her feeds are a lot shorter and a lot more centred around sleeping and waking than for any other reason. For example she's happy with a cuddle rather than a bf if she's hurt but as soon as we get in bed it's milk time. She always feeds more if she's teething so I'd rather not cut down until all her teeth are through.

I'm feeling optimistic about leaving her, so hopefully she will be fine on the day.

OP posts:

justwondering72 · 03/02/2016 08:44

I'd agree with the pp.. .it's you she associates with milk / bf, she's not going to expect that from whoever is putting her to bed that night. They'll find their own way to help her to get to sleep. My mum used to sing songs and tell made up stories, DH read books / stories on his phone. I fed mine until they were nearly 3 and nearly 4, and both were just fine going to bed without milk / with someone else at that age.

She'll be fine. Enjoy your day!

BlondeOnATreadmill · 03/02/2016 08:50

I'd be weaning her anyway, as she's 2 years old. This will give you some freedom back.

SatsukiKusakabe · 03/02/2016 08:53

I know where you're coming from, I'd find it very hard to leave my bf 2 year old in the evening. My dh puts her to bed every other night, she still has a feed but a shorter one on those nights so I know she'd be fine to leave and would settle for him. Could you start getting her used to a different bed time now, with your dp for a few nights a week where she isn't actually going to sleep with a feed? It will make that one evening less of a big deal.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 03/02/2016 09:09

She (sadly) probably won't care as much as you. Both of mine weaned at around two years, if I was available they would demand but didn't give a fig on the nights I was at work . Get yourself away and enjoy!

OhShutUpThomas · 03/02/2016 09:21

I'd be weaning her anyway, as she's 2 years old. This will give you some freedom back.

Judgey much?

There's nothing weird about feeding a 2 year old, it's perfectly natural. If OP wanted to stop, I'm sure she's aware that she could. We all have different priorities and OP obviously enjoys the comfort she gives to her daughter.

Bloody hate this attitude towards breastfeeding toddlers.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 03/02/2016 09:41

She might be upset at bedtime, or she might not. You could try going out one night at bedtime and just see how she is with whoever is putting her to bed, that way you could work on bedtime with a beaker/bottle occasionally so the hen night is a success (and you'd have less worries about her not settling).

I'm off for the day in March leaving a 9mo alone with DH. DS is EBF and just started weaning and I'm sure it'll be a bit traumatic. However, it's only one day and TBH I really need a day where I'm me, not mummy, not boobs, just me. I'll have to pump at lunchtime I think but even if DS cries all day (unlikely) he will be fine. Sometimes, it's good to get out.

CesareBorgiasUnicornMask · 03/02/2016 10:05

I'm still feeding my 18 month old and when I'm at home he demands 'boooooooob' loudly and insistently on a regular basis. When I'm at uni and he's at nursery or with DH he isn't bothered and goes down to nap without it. Your DD will be fine. Just be careful you don't get a blocked duct if you usually feed every few hours!

LeanneBattersby · 03/02/2016 10:16

I've fed all my children until they were 3 and from about the age of 18 months I've been able to go out for long days, then full nights and eventually weekends without them really noticing. I usually bed share with them so they just share with my husband instead and they've been fine. I understand why you're worried as I was too the first time I left them but I think you'll be shocked by how well yours copes.

Good luck and enjoy your day out.

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Booboostwo · 03/02/2016 10:32

I've left both of my DCs in similar circumstances and they were both fine as they don't associate bf with DH. She'll be fine, go have fun.

SecretSpy · 03/02/2016 10:38

My toddler regularly went 48 or more hrs away from me from about 18m onwards and just resumed feeding each time. As long as they're with someone you are totally happy with, it will probably be fine 😀

StitchesInTime · 03/02/2016 10:47

DS2 is 29 months and breastfeeds. He likes to breastfeed first thing in the morning and at bedtime. If we're having a quiet day at home, he also likes to have a feed lots several times throughout the day.

But, when he's having a day at nursery, or a busy day out and about, he can go without BF quite happily. If I'm out in the evening and someone else puts him to bed, then he settles well for bed without BF - presumably because it's me he associates with BF, so if daddy or granny puts him to bed, he's not expecting to have any BF so isn't upset by it not being offered.

I did worry the first time I was away for bedtime, but DS2 was absolutely fine about it.

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