Dsis seems offended I can't stay at hers for whole weekend

[IAmAnAwkwardTurtle]

Was meant to go and stay with dsis for the weekend.

Think she expected me to come fri night until mon morning but have found out I have interview for a voluntary position on the Saturday, which I am reluctant to miss.

She seemed a bit upset when I spoke to her about it and said I could now only come on sat eve until mon morn. Also arranged to meet a friend while in the area.

I know weekends are precious to her and her dp so purposely tried not to stay whole weekend. Has massively backfired though, I've upset her and feel awful

How can I make it better?

[IAmAnAwkwardTurtle]

PS I have a flexible timetable so think she is upset I couldn't have arranged work commitments to fit in around weekend.

[goodnessgraciousgoudaoriginal]

You could start by cancelling on the friend you arranged to meet in the area. It's pretty rude to arrange to meet someone else when you had planned to go and stay with your sister?!

[reni2]

You don't. You have an important interview. Bring some flowers. Is she aware you are meeting a friend? If you only have 2 nights she might be a bit miffed if you spring that on her, she might have made plans?

[IAmAnAwkwardTurtle]

It was just for a quick coffee. The purpose of the weekend was for dsis' birthday treat. So we were going to have bday treat, I was going to see friend while still in town and then head back to dsis' house... She was obviously welcome to come

[reni2]

And yes, do cancel the friend unless sister knows and has agreed.

[Alibabsandthe40Musketeers]

I do think it's rude that you've arranged to see a friend, the interview I would be understanding about if I was in her position.

[Alibabsandthe40Musketeers]

And did you discuss that with your sister before you planned it?

I am not particularly precious about my birthday, but I think that would upset me quite a bit.

[AIN]

I think it's rude to meet a friend on that weekend, unless it was mentioned at the very start. I would phone up and explain that you made that plan as you were worried her weekend was precious, but you would love to spend it with her. Cancel your friend and arrange another time.

[IAmAnAwkwardTurtle]

Thanks. She lives in a capital city and I barely see my friends so was hoping to take opportunity. She was welcome to come. It wasn't meant insensitively but can appreciate how it could seem like that

[Iflyaway]

Your sister sounds controlling is she older, like mine?

You still have your life to lead so why is she demanding all of your time?

I would personally not have a problem if sibling or friend came for a weekend and had some personal appointments - all the better for a bit of me-time.

[IAmAnAwkwardTurtle]

It's not her bday, it was her bday present from months ago

[IAmAnAwkwardTurtle]

She is older, yes.

[SantasLittleMonkeyButler]

Oh for heaven's sake, why do people always roll out the "she sounds controlling" card in situations like this?

It's not controlling AT ALL.

OP, I understand why your sister is disappointed. She's probably really looked forward to the weekend for a while & planned activities/meals etc. around a 3 night stay. Do you ever have friends or relatives to stay with you? If so, do you make not plans for what you might do whilst they're with you? It's not controlling, it's being a good host surely?

That said, the interview is obviously something you need to go to so your sister will hopefully understand that. The meeting up with a friend I would cancel. If you're going to spend time with your sister, do that. Don't use her house as a hotel while you spend your time with others (unless she knows you're doing that in advance and is fine with it).

And no, I'm not an older sister . Youngest of 4 actually.

[ToffeeForEveryone]

The interview is understandable if it can't be rearranged to another time.

Double booking with the friend is pretty rude though. Your sister has cleared her weekend to host / spend time with you. Would you think it was reasonable if it was the other way round and she said she was going out for part of the day despite you travelling to visit her?

[diddl]

I can't see the problem with also taking the chance to catch up with a friend, especially if you have told your sister in advence.

Although I can see that this time you are also going for a day less than usual, so I can understand her disappointment.

How often do you see her& do you usually spend most of your time with her?

If so, I can't see the problem tbh.

[Euripidesralph]

Agreed that meeting with the friend is a bit off, and the fact that in several posts you justified it may suggest you were a bit entitled about it.... The interview is fair does though

Do you make an effort to visit dsis? Usually I mean?

And I'm the youngest sibling so no bias

[TheBunnyOfDoom]

Changing plans for an interview is fair enough, but I think going to stay with your sister for a couple of days and arranging to bugger off with a friend is rude. She wants to see you, not play third wheel to someone she presumably doesn't know from Adam.

[GnomeDePlume]

She was obviously welcome to come.

That does not sound like a great invitation especially since this is to somebody who is being your host.

[SanityClause]

Can you see your friend before the birthday treat?

So, have interview, travel to city, meet friend for coffee, go to DSis's house, go to treat?

Or, is there a possibility you could meet the friend on Monday morning! Before you leave?

Not to hide the fact you are meeting the friend, but just so it doesn't seem like you are using your sister's house like a hotel to do everything you want while you are in her city, which to be honest, is how it might seem, if you just pop to see the friend part way through the visit.

[MrsGentlyBenevolent]

I don't think you are unreasonable to see your friend for a quick coffee. Most of us can't dedicate a whole 'long weekend' to others, purely based on birthdays and such. I think it's more than fair you're going Sat eve-Mon morning. If it's a friend you hardly see, I don't think it's wrong of you to take the chance at all. You say your sister is often busy, does that mean you often have to make visiting plans to fit around her time? Sometimes people have to make their plans around you, sometimes they change closer to the time. You're still going to see you sister, she's still getting you for most of the weekend, but you taking a couple of hours to do other things is not bad or even unusual.

[diddl]

"I don't think you are unreasonable to see your friend for a quick coffee."

I was beginning to think that I was the only one!!

[GloGirl]

A quick coffee is different though, she's talking about meeting up after the 'birthday treat'

So it sounds like, out with sister to see a theatre production, then out with friend afterwards for drinks. That doesn't sound nice go me. Meeting up at 2pm for coffee for an hour on one day out of 3 is perfectly reasonable.

[GruntledOne]

If the interview is for a voluntary job, does it really have to be this Saturday? Usually people who need voluntary workers are so grateful you're interested that they'll bend over backwards to accommodate you, and wanting you to attend with four days' notice and rearrange prior commitments seems seriously off.

People seem to be focussing on the arrangement to meet a friend, but it's not clear that that actually bothers OP's sister - what upsets her seems to be the arrangements changing at the last minute.

[cleaty]

And plenty of people free up a weekend to see a loved sister.

[cleaty]

I agree that the interview for voluntary work can probably be rearranged. Phone them up and check.