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To wonder why the hell my mum has bought such a big house

(62 Posts)
pinkcoww Thu 19-Nov-15 14:43:13

NC as may be quite revealing.

My mum has been with her boyfriend for almost 2 years and they recently bought a new build house together as he had sold his house in London (we live in the north). It was £280,000 (quite expensive for where we live) for a 4 bed terraced house with 3 bedrooms and they've got some of it on a mortgage. They had to fork out loads in solicitor fees and whatnot.

They now do not have enough money left to hire a van to remove their remaining stuff or any money to furnish this big house. Half the rooms are literally empty. It's a lovely house don't get me wrong but I find new builds too little for their price. They have a lot of rooms but are very small in perspective.

I really don't understand why they have bought such a big expensive house when they only need a 2 bed one. I am the only child and they are not planning on having more children. Neither sides have a vast family either. They clearly couldn't afford the whole thing really as they can barely put food on their table now they are in said house. I've been lending them money for food shopping, which I don't mind doing really. Plus they have to struggle moving things in two small cars because they can't hire anymore vans. My mum has even considered selling her car (which she really needs to commute to work) to furnish the house. AIBU to think they were stupid to go for that house?

pinkcoww Thu 19-Nov-15 14:43:37

3 bathrooms sorry*

pinkyredrose Thu 19-Nov-15 14:49:09

a 4 bed terraced house with 3 bedrooms confused

Sighing Thu 19-Nov-15 14:49:16

I take it not all the money went inyo yhe new house then (a property in London would have been more than 280). Have they / he paid off debts? They've apparently over stretched themselves.

SwearyGodmother Thu 19-Nov-15 14:49:54

People can be a bit funny about houses - the cult of the "forever house" as peddled by Kirstie & Phil is, I think, what it all boils down to. People seem to buy houses based on what their perceived needs will be in 15 years time rather than what they need now, and then they end up overstretching themselves. New builds are also seemingly desirable/at a premium as they're new, not icky second hand...

I agree that it seems a bonkers thing to do, but ultimately is their choice. Could they rent out one of their en-suite rooms to make ends meet in the short term?

pinkyredrose Thu 19-Nov-15 14:50:39

Maybe they're going to foster or fill it up with refugees or something.

pinkcoww Thu 19-Nov-15 14:52:58

I think her partner got a bit carried away with the remaining money before they moved into the house as he seemed to have a new range of gadgets and stuff (he's a big apple fan). He had to spend a lot on a solicitor and initially moving stuff from his old house down south. They now apparently have no money, other than what they need to pay bills and have gone way over the top with the house choice. There were much nicer, cheaper houses they could have gone for. I just don't understand all the fuss about new build, modern homes. They all look the same to me, have no character and are way overpriced.

PerspicaciaTick Thu 19-Nov-15 14:58:05

I think it is very odd that they have left themselves so short that they can't feed themselves. That seems mad - unless it is a short-term problem while they wait for first pay cheques in new jobs to arrive.

The BF's London house must have either been tiny or worth a lot more than £280K - perhaps they have been dreaming of having more room and saw the move north as a chance to achieve that dream. I must admit I would be keen to have extra rooms if it gave me a chance to have a study or workroom for myself, but not at the expense of eating.

When my DH and I moved from our tiny two bed terrace house to our current home, it was literally half-furnished (we had a sofa and two garden chairs in the living room). But we gradually sorted it out as we wanted it, there was no hurry.

Arfarfanarf Thu 19-Nov-15 15:00:36

they didn't need it but obviously wanted it and if they're now skint well, that is the choice they made so they must be happy to have made that sacrifice. What they can't do of course, is choose to spend so much and then moan that they spent so much grin

I would have just let them get on with it. If they're eating beans on toast for a year, that's up to them. You're very nice to be subbing them after they've made this choice. How long do you intend to make up their shortfall for? Do you know how long until they have recovered from this financial slump?

pinkcoww Thu 19-Nov-15 15:07:33

My mum's partner moved up here to live with her in what was our rented property (i've since got my own place). We've always lived in the North. I think maybe he wanted to have a similar home here to as he did down South but over estimated it. As far as I'm aware he chose the house, if it was my mum I know she would have been more sensible about it. I guess she got carried away with the whole living in a new big house fiasco. I'm just really concerned for them now as they don't have the best paying jobs.

BarbaraofSeville Thu 19-Nov-15 15:21:12

I expect that lots of people will say that 'it's their money, it's up to them what they do with it' but it does seem a bit mad - who wants 3 bathrooms to clean when there are only two people living there?

I've always thought it a bit odd when people buy houses much bigger than they need, but different people like different things. I'd rather have a smaller house and money to do fun things instead, but each to their own.

It is worrying however that her DP is spending money on gadgets when they have run out of money for the move and furniture hmm.

Have they lived together before and is this financial problem a short term blip, or could they have problems long term, especially as he appears to have difficulties with priorites and budgeting - is she going to be struggling to buy food/pay bills while he goes off in search of his latest iToy?

MissTwister Thu 19-Nov-15 15:30:56

My one bed flat in a London suburb sold last year for £380k so if he had even a similar property he'd still have loads left. Solicitors etc a few grand, removal vans only in the hundreds of pounds so where did the rest of it go!

Justaboy Thu 19-Nov-15 15:31:02

pinkcoww I've always been of the opinion that people 'opp North have a lot more real world sense that them thar southerners.

And this proves it totally.

They sound absolutely daft as they must be in what their forties or fifties and you'd hope they'd have more sense then that, at that sort of age.

He needs weaning of his Apple addiction for starters!

BarbaraofSeville Thu 19-Nov-15 15:38:09

I can't work out how someone can move from the south to the north, to a similar property and not end up with money left over unless a lot of mortgage or debt has been paid off, or they have moved from the worst area in the south, to one of the few areas of the north that are disproportionately expensive such as Cheshire.

elementofsurprise Thu 19-Nov-15 15:39:18

Justboy I've always been of the opinion that people 'opp North have a lot more real world sense that them thar southerners.


I was thinking about this recently, but came to the opposite conclusion. I thought it was something to do with Southerners, especially Londoners, having to be so careful with money just to put a roof over their head.

StrawberryTeaLeaf Thu 19-Nov-15 15:41:00

You said yourself that the rooms are small, so an extra one to use as study/hobby/storage room might be sensible. The price sounds like a bargain to London ears, too TBH.

You say that they are 'partners' rather than married and that the sale of your mum's DP's previous house has financed the purchase. Do you think the legal position your mum is in re her new home is worrying you?

pinkcoww Thu 19-Nov-15 15:43:24

He moved in with us in a 3 bed rented house and £500 a month rent split between 3 people was fine as we all worked standard minimum wage jobs (I now run an online business with my dad so bring in a fair amount which is well timed with the baby I'm expecting!). He owned the house down south with his previous partner so would have only got half of the profit, sorry forgot to mention that! The bathroom thing is a shock for me as a working class person, to say there's a bathroom in their house I haven't been in is a bit crazy to me.

BarbaraofSeville Thu 19-Nov-15 15:46:22

Ha ha element, I was reading the Daily Mash earlier. These caught my eye:

I can’t afford to do anything except stay in and worry about money, which is really depressing when you’re meant to be doing all the stuff in Time Out

Still, I could never live anywhere like Birmingham. All those grubby little theatrical experiences within my financial reach. Vile

Mark E Smith said: “I read about a young couple being forced out of their squalid bedsit above a laundrette in Hackney by a foreign investor, leaving them with no option but a move to Zone Six

pinkcoww Thu 19-Nov-15 15:47:20

The legal position is a bit worrying as they are not married and if they were to split I think the house is 70% his so she would possibly have nowhere to live or would have to live with me. I'm in a 1 bed flat at the minute and expecting my first (I'm quite good with money and didn't want to go straight into a big house scenario). Will be getting a house when the time is right but don't see the need at the moment. I have much more money to spend on my baby/furnishing/decorating and bills are less in flat.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Thu 19-Nov-15 15:51:11

My Mum bought a massive house just for her.

She bought it so there was plenty of space for my sister and I and our families to visit. But we never do sad <guilty>

MyLifeisaboxofwormgears Thu 19-Nov-15 15:52:14

People do make silly purchases they can't afford to upkeep -I know people who buy a big car then are surprised by the petrol and insurance bills - which they seem to forget at time of purchase.

Same with houses - people get into a "I deserve it" or "my lifestyle" fantasies and fail to think about upkeep, what they will actually do in the house, etc.

Birdsgottafly Thu 19-Nov-15 15:52:45

My eldest DD and her DP are waiting for their house to be built, it sounds similar to your Mums.

The position and resale/rental value of the four beds are much more than the other styles.

They are also offering better deals on the deposit needed, so maybe that's swayed them.

I'm probably around your Mums age and can see the appeal in a nice new shiny house.

Is she thinking that she's got a nice house for her Grandchildren to visit/stay etc?

StrawberryTeaLeaf Thu 19-Nov-15 15:53:10

There's not much that you can do, is there? The chances are that it will all be fine.

NewLife4Me Thu 19-Nov-15 15:55:23

I find this odd too.
Why would you leave yourself short of money?
I also don't understand why the solicitor would have cost more than any other house move.
All you can do OP is let them get on with it, however, I can see why you'd be worried.

Justaboy Thu 19-Nov-15 15:57:43

elementofsurprise Well noit if they had any sense they wouldn't be working hours to afford to live there.

(JB Starts whistling On Ilkla Moor Baht 'at)

pinkcoww I'm not a100% sure but bothof the names are on the deeds then I don't think that would alter the splitting but some legal advice might be useful. What you be much more useful is a dose of common sense that they've plainly overspent and ought to sell up and move somewhere smaller!.

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