Stranger cleaning my DD

[8reasonstohide]

I was feeding my DD some puree fruit. She had only had 3/4 mouthfuls and had a slither of fruit around her mouth.

A woman whom I did not know and never met before but was part of the 'gathering' I was involved with (mums meeting up) took it upon herself to grab a napkin and wipe my daughter's face - several times.

I was 'WTF' whilst smiling nicely at her but AIBU for thinking it is odd to do this, as friendly as she was, I wouldn't dream of interfering with a parent feeding their child.

Or am I being a bit precious?

As a side note, I don't bother cleaning/wiping until feeding has finished or if she is blathered in it!

[Leavingsosoon]

I hate it when people do stuff like this, but I'm probably precious as well.

[abbieanders]

She probably did it out of habit, just on autopilot. I wouldn't get too riled up about it, assuming you'd have mentioned if your child was hurt, harmed or frightened.

[WorraLiberty]

She probably just thought she was being friendly/helpful.

Suppose it's a bit odd but nothing I'd give a second thought to really.

[Finola1step]

Personally, I would find this a bit strange. In the sense that I am more than capable of cleaning my own child, thank you very much.

But being gracious, I would probably try to see it as she was doing no harm. She might feel that in a mum's group it is important to show that "we are all in this together" etc. Kind of. Maybe?

[8reasonstohide]

abbieanders no she wasn't hurt, harmed or frightened but clearly perplexed as to who this woman was and what she was doing!

[theycallmemellojello]

Oof no that's not ok. I think it's fine politely to say, please don't do that. It's important to get into the habit of teaching kids boundaries, when they can say no etc, and hard to do that unless we also are assertive about such things.

[8reasonstohide]

Just wondered what other people thought really! I have never seen, heard it done or done it myself so, like my DD, was a bit perplexed by it rather than a WTF? Or maybe I was for literally a split second!

[Anniegetyourgun]

Or she may have had a little OCD going on whereby the sight of a blob of food around someone's mouth makes her twitchy. I wonder if she wipes her own child's face (and/or her own) lots of times throughout eating.

[8reasonstohide]

theycallmemellojello - boundaries! Never thought of it like that. I am very cautious of strangers and I don't even insist my DS gives a kiss goodbye to even relatives if he doesn't want to as I am only too aware of it being inappropriate to force physical contact onto someone who doesn't like it (such as my DS and even my DH!)

[Crazypetlady]

I don't think she meant any harm still a bit weird though.

[herderofcats]

One of mine was very sensitive to tomato round the mouth - the skin would redden etc. So maybe she'd had a similar experience and was trying to be helpful?

[ppeatfruit]

I wouldn't dream of doing this, no you are NBU. Someone else's baby, someone else's job. I was a CM \nanny and i wouldn't have done this if the parent was feeding the mindee, unless asked of course.

[PerspicaciaTick]

It was only when I became a patent that I realised how many adults have massive issues with "mess" and "dirt". I think it is fairly easy to rub along in the office at work where " dirt" isn't really a day to day issue, but when you see people struggling with their children's feeding and playing you realise there is a lot of anxiety around this.

[Axekick]

It's a bit odd, but it would make me laugh rather than feel upset.

A child isn't going to grow up not knowing boundaries because a woman once wiped it's mouth.

[glamorousgrandmother]

As an Early Years teacher of 30 years I have to restrain myself from bending down and tying the shoelaces of random children when I am out. The woman probably acted on a similar instinct - probably shouldn't have done it but no harm done.

[Fairenuff]

Try standing behind a child with a wonky ponytail and you'll see how instinctive some of these actions can be OP.

[ThreeFrazzledFandangos]

I would just assume that she did it on autopilot.

I had a weird moment recently where someone at a toddler group handed me their baby while they sorted their toddler. I only realised I'd sniffed him and kissed the top of his head when I caught her WTF look.

I can't help it, that's what babies do to me! maybe she's the same!

[Georgethesecond]

Our GP kissed the top of DS's head when he was little. I thought it was sweet.

[KurriKurri]

Does she work with small children? When I worked in a nursery I wiped so many snotty noses and food covered chins it became a reflex action I also come from a big (and very tactile) family and at gatherings everyone randomly cleaned everyone else's kids if necessary -no problem.

So it wouldn't have bothered me really, but I don't think it is precious that it bothered you - your baby, your boundaries and if something makes you uncomfortable then that is your maternal instinct kicking in, it's fine to feel that way - I'm glad your baby wasn't upset by it

[peggyundercrackers]

I would have smiled and said thanks. she was probably doing in on autopilot - nothing meant by it I'm sure. Don't be So defensive or critical of others.

[Sugarandsalt]

That would have annoyed me. My DD never had much interest in food, and at that age would (a) have stopped eating immediately if someone wiped her mouth while eating (b) screamed as though she was being murdered if a stranger approached. But I agree that she probably meant no harm.

[MerryInthechelseahotel]

Our GP kissed the top of DS's head when he was little. I thought it was sweet

GP's get younger and younger these days!

[Salmotrutta]

I'll bet it was purely automatic too!

Sort of thing I might do TBH...

[8reasonstohide]

Made me laugh!

Yes, when some of you put it like that!

As a teacher I am often stood behind wonky pony tails, shirts half in, half out, collars not down, laces untied. But that's a bit different as 'these' are my students and I would be a bit mean to let them go about their business with laces untied/photo shoot with a wonky pony tail etc.

I just wouldn't do it to a stranger. But yes, certainly get the point that she may be a bit OCD with mess, being helpful etc. Like I said, didn't know if it was common place or not - certainly when not asked for.

[Summerwood1]

Ah,that was nice of her!