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aibu to be pissed off by constant comments

(37 Posts)
spillyobeans Mon 10-Aug-15 22:13:37

Ok firstly when someone says something about parenting styles etc i know mostly they mean well etc and ultimately it comes down to me and dh as parents to do as we believe to be right, but...

Aibu to be annoyed at the constant comments, from mainly family, in regards to parenting, especially some very outdated oppinions.

I.e: about weaning and introducing solids at 6month "oh thats rubbish you should give him solids from 3months...ds is a hungry baby he will be looking for it"

About how my 5week old ds is 'spoiled' and 'taking the piss' (i quote from mil!) As i pick him up when hes crying. Fil even said hes attention seeking! I said you cant spoil a 5week old as they cry for a reason and mil just laughs and says oh no ds is too spoilt. ( but then if shes with him he doesnt get put down even if its obvious shes annoying him!)

Also just uneducated comments towards breastfeeding. I had a couple of long cluster feeding days and i was told that ds was 'taking the piss' out of me and just wanted to be on me and probably wasnt feeding and i should give him a bottle as he was obviously too hungry and my milk wasnt enough. Which as most breastfeeding mums know is bollocks.

Im not a doormat and bring them up on everything and say "well health visitor said this or breastfeeding support worker said this" and i just get scoffed at!

sad

mrsmeerkat Mon 10-Aug-15 22:15:27

flowers

Can you tell them a lot less, reduce contact
Mine is critical like that

No real advice - it hurts

Zeitgeistic Mon 10-Aug-15 22:17:47

Can you reduce contact? They don't sound awful.

Suggesting a newborn baby is 'spoiled' is a particularly twattish thing to say.

Theycallmemellowjello Mon 10-Aug-15 22:20:32

Yanbu and it's hard to get my head around the type of mindset that suggests a tiny baby is 'taking the piss'! Please just remember that these people are complete weirdos, don't let them get to you, and yep reduce contact if poss.

Birdsgottafly Mon 10-Aug-15 22:22:45

My DD gets this from her DPs side, it's got to a point were I told her to tell them straight.

Purplepoodle Mon 10-Aug-15 22:23:01

Smile nod and ignore

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips Mon 10-Aug-15 22:29:40

It's really fucking annoying isn't it. Weaning advise that's 40 years out of date, breastfeeding advise from someone who didn't breastfeed... I feel your pain I've had it. I like to mention HV, even if I'm just making it up but I find it best just to give short answers and not engage in conversation on the subject.

Quietlifenotonyournelly Mon 10-Aug-15 22:38:33

I agree with purplepoodle you have to try switch off a bit more. My MIL is lovely but I get annoyed at of some of the things she comes out with cue smile and nod.

spillyobeans Mon 10-Aug-15 22:39:35

Purple poodle- thats basically how im surviving atm! Cant reduce contact as its pil who live 2 mins away and we see pretty much daily! I like them and they help alot which is apreciated, but we are on completely different pages when it comes to parenting!!!

Peacheykeen Mon 10-Aug-15 22:40:35

What horrible comments! Taking the piss! shock how can a new baby possibly do that. I can't believe someone would make such insensitive comments to a mother bf a baby.

spillyobeans Mon 10-Aug-15 22:41:08

Tiptoe- yes! Im basically just saying "hmm well hv said to do it like this so im just following advice" and leave it at that! But inside hell is bruing!

lostinikea Mon 10-Aug-15 22:45:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spillyobeans Mon 10-Aug-15 22:47:16

Peachy- the conversation went as such:
"Hows baby" - " Oh great, but its just hard with the clusterfeeding atm, hes been feeding constantly lol" - "oh thats not normal, hes taking the total piss out of you" - " no its actually very normal when bf as it increases the supply, just hard work" - "no no your spoling him"

What the actual fuck! Everytime mil asks me how ds is i just say 'fine thanks' and leave it at that now!!

MrsDeVere Mon 10-Aug-15 22:47:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bretonstripedmum Mon 10-Aug-15 22:49:22

Yes v annoying and absolutely green light to rant!

Honestly I think people forget what it's really like.

"Put that baby down, you're spoiling him, leave him to cry"
"Feed him 10 minutes each side no more than every 4 hours"
"Never feed at night"
"Try adding porridge to his milk"
"He's just using you for comfort"
"Oh give him a bottle"
"He should be sleeping through by now"

...blah blah blah...

... and ignore! grin

Pandabee11 Mon 10-Aug-15 23:04:21

If your Mil is anything like mine she'll be pushing for you to bottle fed so she can have alone time with your baby.

I also have red flags waving from the other comments mentioned.

Remember, you are the mother, you hold all the cards. Reduce contact and nip this behaviour in the bud. Trust me, if you don't it will only get worse. Try simple one line answers like, 'we've got it covered thanks' and then change the subject. If they won't let the subject drop, just wash, rinse, repeat. They'll get the message.

If you really are struggling with their behaviour check out this site, very helpful for new mothers with oppressive ILs.

community.motherinlawstories.com/forum/forumdisplay.php/94-Mother-In-Law-Stories-Spam-Free-Zone-NEW

spillyobeans Mon 10-Aug-15 23:09:09

Breton- i know! My post is a bit of a rant, but you just need it sometimes! Especially as im surrounded by dhs family and mine are other end of country so i feel like ive no one to back me up! Apart from dh who does most of the time!

Oh yes and ive already been told i should be giving him baby rice at 5weeks....erm no.

Its just anoying how when you say well advice is to do a b and c, and you get met with silence as a responce hmm

Peacheykeen Mon 10-Aug-15 23:11:13

Not normal! What a cunty thing to say. Mine were ff from birth but I always say to friend's who have bf how much I admire them cause it looks bloody hard work! Mil is being a knob

DelphiniumBlue Mon 10-Aug-15 23:13:23

" Really , is that what you used to do?" ( smile, headtilt) " that's so quaint but current medical advice is...."

spillyobeans Mon 10-Aug-15 23:13:45

Pandabee- great, sitting here bf and reading that brew

spillyobeans Mon 10-Aug-15 23:16:05

Tbh i dont know why i expected anything less from mil who, before ds was born, informed me that ds would be eating chicken nuggets when she got him as that was a proper kids meal, not the healthy stuff i eat...

Rubygoose Mon 10-Aug-15 23:16:15

I feel your pain on this one! Only this very eve I had to refrain from telling a well-intended, but totally clueless, friend of mine to piss off with her breastfeeding advice! She has no kids or BF experience yet keeps telling me that I don't have enough milk for my 4 week old and I should give her formula so I can palm her off on my mum or DH, in order to catch up on sleep!! �� I find the best thing is to be firm in your refusal to take said advice! My reply was 'I don't want to give up breastfeeding so I will soldier on'. End of. These people think they are being helpful,so secretly we should chuckle at how clueless they are, and how silly their 'advice' is, however so well-intended.

paulapompom Mon 10-Aug-15 23:22:21

A 5 week old taking the piss and doing something for attention? 5 weeks though? First time I've said this but - is she on glue? grin

I remember my MIL repeatedly telling me that she used to put a raw egg yolk in BIL's bottle to help fill him up at about 3 months old an that it was usual to give a chicken leg bone to gnaw on when teething. She also seemed very disappointed that we said no Easter eggs for his first Easter: "it's such a shame he can't have chocolate": he was 8 months old FFS! and had no idea what chocolate was at that point! confused

GiddyOnZackHunt Mon 10-Aug-15 23:27:34

I agree with practising your tinkly laugh, head tilt and quaint comment. Also practice not giving them an in. So rather than mentioning cluster feeding you need to say "Great and baby is enjoying the milk. Weight gain etc" Don't use any negatives. Don't pause.
Not sleeping = So alert
Windy = enjoying his milk
Crying = oh he misses his mum
Big poo = so much nicer than ff milk poo
And so on. It might be bollocks but they've been happy to spout random nonsense at you.

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