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To ask those of you with three children

(42 Posts)
notwhistlersmother Sat 08-Aug-15 13:13:34

How do you find it???

Asking for my friend- she has 2 children (DS4 and DD2) and feels like she isnt "done" having children yet- but shes worried about one of her children becoming an "outsider"- threes a crowd, third wheel, having two of the same sex and one another sex.

Just looking for other peoples experiences really.

grumpysquash Sat 08-Aug-15 13:19:36

It's not often I get to a new thread at the beginning smile
I was exactly the same as your friend. I had DS (nearly 4) and DD (2) when I became pg for the third time.

We ended up with boy-girl-boy, but I don't think it would have mattered if it was boy and 2 girls.

They have always got on really well and still do (now 14, 12 & 9). No-one has ever been left out.

Life is occasionally like being stuck in an episode of Outnumbered which is quite entertaining and a little chaotic smile

But the only actual downside is holiday accommodation where you end up having to have 3 bedrooms (more expensive), and special offers which are usually based around a family of 4. The rest is all good.

grumpysquash Sat 08-Aug-15 13:20:39

Oh, and you need quite a big car, especially when they are all in car seats.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Sat 08-Aug-15 13:21:35

3 ds's here.

All was fabulous, never any 'middle child' problems and they all got/get on brilliantly.

Teenage years are expensive, no denying that.

SirChenjin Sat 08-Aug-15 13:26:55

We've got 3, but with a big gap between the first 2 and the youngest. It's very expensive - you need a big car as they grow, family rooms for 5 are nigh on impossible, family tickets are usually for 2 adults and 2 children, and so on. It's great fun and very lively - never had any problems with 'odd ones out' or anything like that - but it's hard work and costs tons. If one is away somewhere and we 'only' have 2 DCs it seems much easier, for some reason!

CordeliaFoxx Sat 08-Aug-15 13:30:07

3 DSs here, they fight like cat and dog and love each other to bits. Aged 12, 10 and 6 they have some shared interests (mainly Minecraft!). It is hard work, but great fun.

FirstWeTakeManhattan Sat 08-Aug-15 13:31:23

I was exactly the same as your friend. Then (after a miscarriage and ectopic), we finally have our DC3. We have DD 7, DS 6 and now DD2 1. The 'big two' are so close anyway, and they both just adore their little sis.

I'm one of three too, couldn't be closer to my two sibs.

Three is lovely, feels like a real little gang!

BackforGood Sat 08-Aug-15 13:31:31

Quite the opposite. I found, when one fell out with brother/sister, there was a 'reserve' still to play with grin
When one goes away on camp or whatever, there is still another at home to annoy 'be' with.
Never had issues with 'odd one out' or 'supposed middle child syndrome ' or one being the only boy, or anything like that. they are all individual people, not defined by their birth order or their sex.

Like Grumpy - I do think that 'Outnumbered' might have been written from spy cameras in our house at times......

YourBubzYourRulzHun Sat 08-Aug-15 13:32:14

I have 3DDs, the older two had just turned 5 and 3 when DD3 was born. They helped out with her when she was a baby and entertained her more than I ever could! To be honest, the older two argue with each other much more than either of them do with the youngest.

The car thing is definitely an issue though, we had to get bigger car as we couldn't fit 3 car seats in the back.

If your friend doesn't feel 'done' at 2 kids she should go for it. I felt the same after having 2 but after the third I knew I couldn't go through it all again! And also it's easier while they are all young, once they start getting older and more independent it's harder to then go back to the baby stage again where they need you all the time and constant supervision once you get used to not having to do it!

NittersAndSewers Sat 08-Aug-15 13:36:18

Totally like being in an episode of Outnumbered!! Funny that you too associate with that programme, grumpysquash grin

We have boy boy girl and the relationships are fascinating. Age gap between eldest and youngest is 9 yrs and he is like an extra parent to her, but a fun one that has time to spend hours reading to her or cuddled up on the sofa with her! Age gap between the two youngest is 3 years and they are like close siblings, playing together all the time. Things may change as they get older but for now it's nice. The middle one is...well, very 'middle child' and needy/competitive in many ways, but who'll ever know if that is due to circumstance or personality.

Gender is no issue so far. DD just wants to copy the boys and play their games.

Life is noisy. And a carefully planned military operation!

A shower without being hassled is a treat!

I never take them with me to supermarkets if I can help it!

We don't go on holidays (cost) but on the plus side they are easily pleased - a ramble in the woods to build shelters and eat picnic is a fab day out for them, for example.

Space outdoors is a must - put them outside in the garden after meals to run around and make some noise before bed.

Highly recommend three, can't imagine life before it!!

RolyPolierThanThou Sat 08-Aug-15 13:38:24

I'm middle one of three and and about to have my third.

Odd one out is actually desirable, not a bad thing. Basically you can't be a bully sibling because you'll get frozen out. Your victim always has an alternative playmate. This means diplomacy, cooperation, negotiation and compromise are necessary skills in threes. I also thinks it helps children understand their position in the family better. If one sibling gets praise and you don't, there is another sibling who also doesn't. So you don't take it so personally. The world is more subtle than just the me and non-me child in the family. I think being one of three has lots of advantages.

Purplepoodle Sat 08-Aug-15 13:39:50

3 boys 2,4,6 they generally play well together but usually two play and other plays alone then they swap around. I find 3 a handful tbh. Life was much easier with two

pinktrufflechoc Sat 08-Aug-15 13:41:55

Very difficult.

I had a big gap between Dc1 and DC2. Then a tiny one between Dc2 and Dc3.

DC1 feels like he is part of a separate family (his words) and a lot of people assume he is the product of a different relationship and that either DH or I is his step parent.

Don't know what the answer is.

Goshthatsspicy Sat 08-Aug-15 13:47:34

We have three. There is 10 years between the eldest and youngest,and 5 years between the middle and youngest. Hope that makes sense.
Anyway, the younger two are more like siblings. Our eldest is so far removed from.child years, that he lives quire differently to the other two. However, lve noticed that the middle and older child are becoming closer in the last few months.
They are 16,12 and 6. Boy, boy, girl.
Worked out really well. smile

chunters Sat 08-Aug-15 13:47:39

I worried about this so much especially as DT were first along! I have b g twins and a DS 2 years 1 day younger.

Yes, yes, yes to the large cars, holiday accommodation and family tickets issues.

They are now 13,13 and 11 and I never did have any of the 'outsider' issues I worried so much about smile If anything DD is closer to her younger brother than her twin brother! I always describe their earlier years as dealing with a 'critical mass' of children while being outnumbered LOL!

RolyPolierThanThou Sat 08-Aug-15 13:48:42

Tbf, pink that's more an issue of age gap than of being one of three. You could get the same assumption of there were no third child.

It must be hard for your eldest.

rightguard Sat 08-Aug-15 13:49:50

I have 3, they're 8,6 and 4 months.

The older two are both girls and are best friends and worst enemies. They either play beautifully together or are ready to kill each other.

The baby is absolutely worshipped by both girls. They adore him, in fact I had to leave all 3 with my mum for a few hours the other day and the baby was screaming but a cuddle from his sister was the only thing that calmed him down.

It's still early days, but so far there's no signs of jealousy of the baby, he's still like a doll for them to play with.

pinktrufflechoc Sat 08-Aug-15 13:50:12

Strangely, when we just had the two children everyone just thought it was a big age gap - the assumption seemed to be we had problems conceiving Dc2.

But with two children very close in age the assumption is that DH is my second husband (he isn't) and DS is the product of a youthful relationship.

It is hard for him flowers

MustBeLoopy390 Sat 08-Aug-15 13:51:49

A new (ish) mum of 3 here, finding it way easier than I thought. Dd is 6, ds one is 3 and ds two is a month old. Ds two has just slotted in lovely with our family and is bringing so much joy. Admittedly trying to get out the house is sometimes like planning a military operation and organising to go anywhere as a family of 5 who don't drive is a logistical nightmare sometimes but other than that it's fab grin I'll pop back into this thread on the 29th after our first family holiday away (with the other 15 members of our extended family on dh's side) and let you know if I still think it's not too bad lol!

DarylDixonsDarlin Sat 08-Aug-15 13:52:41

Life would have been easier, neater, cheaper, tidier, cleaner and simpler with 2. But my third is an absolute darling and she made our lives complete. Just wish she'd sleep in her own friggin bed grin

Its true the bit about they always have one to play with, even if one is off doing other things. I had boy, girl, girl - now aged just turned 9y, 6.5y and almost 3y.

DH and I are both the eldest of 3, I'm sure this has influenced our decision. We're not planning a 4th.

MustBeLoopy390 Sat 08-Aug-15 13:53:04

Forgot to say no arguments between siblings, but again it's early days for ds two so who knows what it will be like when he is mobile and chasing down the other two grin

AliceMum09 Sat 08-Aug-15 13:55:07

I love it! I'm one of three, and so is my mum (my granny, my mum and me all ended up with very similar age gaps between the children, about 7 years between the oldest and the youngest, with the middle one arriving 3 years after the first one), so I think 3 just felt right to me.

Mine are 9 1/2, 6 1/2 and just gone 3, sometimes we struggle finding days out that suit all of them, and we have the usual holiday nightmares (I've given up on package holidays since we are not 2 adults and 2 children) but other than that no negatives! My kids all like to fight with each other, they are not picky, but it's never a case of two ganging up on the other, it's every man for himself!

Like someone else said, no.3 just slots in and you don't notice the difference really. Until you take one of them out of the equation (for example if DS goes on Cub camp for a weekend) and then you realise that actually life is quite a lot calmer with just two children! But I wouldn't have it any other way.

AliceMum09 Sat 08-Aug-15 13:55:39

Oh, and mine are boy, girl, girl.

Squitten Sat 08-Aug-15 13:56:10

We have two boys and a girl. The eldest is only 6 so we are still very much in the toddler trenches. So far it's fine though. The boys make a good duo and they both love their sister. The gender differences are not apparent yet because DD is still very little. Our middle boy tends to flit between the two siblings but I do have to be aware of his needs as he tends to get a bit lost between school-going DS1 and the toddler at the moment. Obviously that will change as he starts school this year and gets more to do himself but he is actually the most laid back of the three.

It is hectic though. That feeling if having two and suddenly having your hands full is magnified somewhat but it's also nice to see a little independent tribe developing as they all charge off into the park together smile

Branleuse Sat 08-Aug-15 14:00:57

my ds1 feels a bit of an outsider, but theres a 6 year age gap btween him and ds2, whereas only 11mths between ds2 and dd, and those two are like twins.
They do all love each other though

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