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AIBU?

Who is being unreasonable here?

40 replies

3boys3dogshelp · 03/08/2015 22:01

Grrrr! I'm really cross with dh and he thinks aibu, could do with some outside input please.
We go on holiday in 4 weeks. I am a size 12/14 and my 12s are a bit too tight atm. Don't want to look fat on holiday but I've been trying and failing to diet and do more exercise by myself. Spurred on by threads on here about it, I suggested to dh that we both do the 30 day shred together for this month before we go. Partly cos he needs to get fit too, partly to help my motivation, mostly because we just don't seem to do anything together these days. He agreed and we shook on it(!) 2 nights ago.
Last night we just didn't do it so tonight I mentioned it at about 6. We have 3 kids - 2 were in bed by 7.50, he then read to the other for 50 mins until I shouted up to tell him the time (ds1 is only 7 and was shattered before his story, he had a watch on and knew the time).
Then he came down and phoned his mum for a chat - he only speaks to her every couple of weeks and had no reason to call tonight. I was getting pissed off by now (9.15) but didn't say anything as I keep being accused of nagging. Then he said he had to send a quick email for work and spent half an hour on it. He's just sauntered in at 9.45 to put the bloody dvd on and then called me lazy when I don't want to start doing it now. It is turning into another stupid petty argument. Aibu??

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3boys3dogshelp · 03/08/2015 22:02

Sorry for the essay!

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PurpleSwift · 03/08/2015 22:12

Decide a daily time and stick to it.

I'm somewhat inclined to think he was procrastinating deliberately in the hope you wouldn't want to do it by the time he said "okay" so he didn't have to do it but could say it was down to you. Are you sure he wants to do it?

FarFromAnyRoad · 03/08/2015 22:15

He doesn't want to do it! Leave the poor sod be - I'd rather eat my own eyes than do a bloody 'shred' - and incidentally, whatever the fuck happened to good old fashioned exercise! Shred my arse!

3boys3dogshelp · 03/08/2015 22:19

That's a good idea purple, a little complicated by our working hours changing every day but I'm sure we could figure something out.
No, I don't think he wants to do it as much as me, but he said he would and now he's messing around. I don't think I'd be that bothered except that this is just one of many many small things which make me feel like he just doesn't want to spend any time with me.

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DoJo · 03/08/2015 22:19

He didn't want to do it earlier, you don't want to do it now - I don't really see how one of you can be unreasonable without the other being guilty of the same.

HIBU to call you lazy, but YABU for not just saying 'Well, I'm going to do it now' when the urge took you and leaving him to decide whether or not he even wanted to do it tonight.

WorraLiberty · 03/08/2015 22:20

YABU

You're the one who has decided to lose weight, so you'll need to get on and do it independently.

3boys3dogshelp · 03/08/2015 22:21

Cross post far that made me lol ????. If he doesn't want to he should just bloody well say so - he's a middle aged man ffs!

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DoJo · 03/08/2015 22:22

this is just one of many many small things which make me feel like he just doesn't want to spend any time with me.

Cross posted, but honestly, if that is your main concern, then I would choose something a little more appealing to do together than a gruelling exercise regime. If your schedules are hard to organise then spending time together should be the priority and you can do the shred when you get time rather than turning the time you spend together into something that you have to be really motivated to do at the best of times.

ShebaShimmyShake · 03/08/2015 22:23

Also, and I realise this is kind of beside the point, but all these Insanity and Shred programmes are really not sustainable long term. They're essentially what bodybuilders do in the 'cut' phase of their training - and bodybuilders don't permanently cut, for many very good reasons. If you do stick to it, you probably will get some visible results because it's so intense, but it won't last, and you could actually hurt yourself long term.

3boys3dogshelp · 03/08/2015 22:24

Ok iabu. I Just think 10pm isn't the best time to start exercising, showering, drying hair etc etc. I will find my motivation in the morning (lost circa 2012) and sort myself out. He can wobble down the beach on his own!

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DragonsCanHop · 03/08/2015 22:28

Just get on with it with out him, he may want to join in in the end.

This is not just about the shred is it?

sumoweeble · 03/08/2015 22:30

Can't you have sex instead? Potentially good exercise and better way of spending time together than shredding.

3boys3dogshelp · 03/08/2015 22:30

I just feel like I need a kick start where I get some actual results. I'm not really overweight or anything (I'm 5'10" and a 12) and once I start feeling the benefit of looking after myself better I get really motivated - I wouldn't intend to shred longer term.
I appreciate its not quality time, but we don't have much in the way of childcare and both work crappy hours. If we watch a film we fall asleep! We tend to eat with the kids then kids bedtime/housework/work/then watch TV or mess about seperately on the Internet. It's boring and crap and needs a shake up.

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3boys3dogshelp · 03/08/2015 22:31

No dragons

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3boys3dogshelp · 03/08/2015 22:31

Sex is a long story...

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FarFromAnyRoad · 03/08/2015 22:32

Well sorry your DH is being a bit of a middle aged arse OP but do listen to other wise posters re this 'shred' business. Why not search out the Low Carb or 5:2 threads on here - you'll probably do as well or better with one of those. Good luck.

lastqueenofscotland · 03/08/2015 22:37

Urg shred is a load of rubbish I did loads like it at uni to little effect if you don't keep it up and I know a few people who did some damage, weight exercises which a lot of them are you need good form or you will hurt yourself.

What about 5:2 and c25k?

I'm a mildly compulsive runner probably do 40 miles a week at the moment and its great, sense of achievement f you enter a race or parkrun, plenty of calories burned, for all people say it doesn't change your body shape, I have a nicer bum and legs and wayyyyy less cellulite than from before I started.
Also if you need motivation there are lots of running clubs with beginner sessions (just make sure you check, my clubs idea of beginner is easily jogging a 5k another in the area is 60min 10k)

3boys3dogshelp · 03/08/2015 22:40

Haha, signed myself up for a 5k, started c25k 10 weeks before, did 2 (not a typo) runs in those 10 weeks. Managed the 5k without making an arse of myself but am no fitter or healthier as a result. Maybe I need to try again.

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3boys3dogshelp · 03/08/2015 22:41

Also dh did go on about how running would not help me tone up, which didn't really help. Although I appreciate I need to be responsible for myself.

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lastqueenofscotland · 03/08/2015 22:43

It won't make you super toned, but it will burn fat, which you do need to do to get toned... if that makes sense.

doing weight exercises without losing any fat tends to make people look bigger, as they have more muscle with the same amount of fat underneath.

BackInTheRealWorld · 03/08/2015 22:46

He didn't want to do it earlier, you don't want to do it now - I don't really see how one of you can be unreasonable without the other being guilty of the same.

^^ totally this.
If you want to do it, do it. Sitting around waiting for someone else to do it with you and then deciding you don't want to do it when they want to do it is just an excuse.

Even if they were procrastinating, they had run out of excuses and had finally agreed to do something YOU were the one who wanted to do in the first place. Sounds like a lazy arsed way of getting out of it and blaming someone else to me.

3boys3dogshelp · 03/08/2015 22:46

I went to slimming world before ds3 and got really into it. Most of the time we could still eat together but since then 2 of my sons have developed (different) food intolerances and I'm struggling to come up with sensible recipes. We eat together as a family most of the time - if dh or I are late we just reheat it.

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sumoweeble · 03/08/2015 22:47

I don't like the sound of him calling you lazy and telling you/implying that you need to tone up.

3boys3dogshelp · 03/08/2015 22:48

Ok I have already said I accept I am being unreasonable. If not wanting to start exercising at 10pm makes me lazy then I'm lazy .

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GinandJag · 03/08/2015 22:49

I think YABU, OP. Your DH obviously doesn't want to do this and you are trying to force him.

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