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AIBU?

Guest's sleeping arrangements - would this total non-issue irritate you too or aibu?

51 replies

yellowdinosauragain · 31/07/2015 23:22

So, massive first world problem but...

We have a family that we're good friends with who unfortunately live on the other side of the UK. We meet up 2 or 3 times a year, usually staying at each others houses to keep the cost down. For context, we both live in decent sized houses with 4 double bedrooms, and each have 2 children aged between 5 and 9.

When they stay with us we put our 2 kids in together so their 2 can have a bedroom, with their parents sleeping in the spare room.

When we stay with them, they put us all in the spare room and their kids each stay in their own rooms. Their spare room is only just big enough for this meaning we don't have much space for our stuff and we don't sleep well as our kids are excited to be away and wake up early.

Aibu to be a bit irritated by this and wish they would put their (nt, same sex, easy going, good sleeping) kids in together when we visit so we can have a more relaxing visit? And if not aibu to put them all in our spare room together when they visit next month?

Disclaimer - of course I'm not going to put them in together when they visit. I'm also not going to say anything as it's not a friendship dealbreaker or anything. I'm just interested in whether others would be irritated by this.

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rememberremember · 31/07/2015 23:24

Why not put them all together? I would... See how they like it...

The5DayChicken · 31/07/2015 23:28

I'd put them in together, definitely! It might make them realise that 4 people in a single bedroom is an uncomfortable arrangement.

FWIW, your arrangement sounds far more comfortable for all involved.

And as a child who was turfed from her bed countless times when various relatives came to stay, it doesn't do any bleeding harm other than the initial resentment.

Birdsgottafly · 31/07/2015 23:28

Are you sure that they're children aren't sleep walkers or bed wetters, unless in their own beds?

It's there choice, I would start putting them in one room together, if it's going to grate.

DoJo · 31/07/2015 23:30

How long do you usually stay at each other's houses for? If it's one night, I probably wouldn't go to all the effort of sheet changing etc, but might for longer. Can your kids not share with their kids?

mrsfuzzy · 31/07/2015 23:30

i'd point out that it's a bit cramped tbh, maybe they don't realise as you've never said anything before.

yellowdinosauragain · 31/07/2015 23:31

It just seems massively petty to deliberately make them less comfortable when it's no big deal to put the kids in together. Which is why it irritates me to be on the receiving end! I don't think they're deliberately making this difficult for us either, I just think it genuinely doesn't occur to them to put theirs in together.

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Tulipblank · 31/07/2015 23:31

I'm not sure. My friends are staying over next weekend and we plan to give them our bedroom. 2 adults and 2 Kids under 5. On the plus side the room is decent sized, they get their own bathroom, and it's on it's own floor, so no disturbing each other in the morning/at bedtime. We'll sleep in the smaller guest room and our two will be in their own rooms.

I thought this was a fair solution but maybe not!!

yellowdinosauragain · 31/07/2015 23:34

Huge cross posts.

I'm sure their kids don't have any issues that would make this difficult in their house. They do have the youngest child who used to get disturbed with sometime else sharing. But that hasn't been the case for a good couple of years.

It's usually 2 or 3 nights that we stay together

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SurlyCue · 31/07/2015 23:36

we don't sleep well as our kids are excited to be away and wake up early.

If they are old enough to be up unsupervised then this shouldnt be a problem, if they arent then surely you'd be getting up with them anyway even if they slept in another room?

yellowdinosauragain · 31/07/2015 23:37

Tulip I don't think your arrangements are necessarily wrong. I think it depends on what works best for you and your guests. My issue is more that we do our best to make them comfortable and it doesn't really feel that that is reciprocated when we visit.

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yellowdinosauragain · 31/07/2015 23:40

Fair point Surly. They're not allowed to get up until 7 though (our rules to avoid them waking the others up too early) and they chat, comedy loud whisper style and wake us up. They are getting better at this though and I appreciate this is our problem not our hosts.

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SurlyCue · 31/07/2015 23:42

Could you get them to read or draw or listen to music watch cbeebies on ipad with headphones until its time to get up?

Hellion7433 · 31/07/2015 23:44

I would ask my friend very diplomatically if there's any way you could have a separate room to your kids as it would help everyone sleep more

Supersoft · 31/07/2015 23:44

Why don't your dc share a room with their dc? Wouldn't that be the norm?

DoJo · 31/07/2015 23:45

For two or three nights, I think I would be inclined to do a bit of re-arrangement to ensure that everyone had enough space, especially if it means that the parents can't access their stuff once the kids have gone to bed for fear of waking them up.

yellowdinosauragain · 31/07/2015 23:55

I think we'll try that next time Surly!

They sometimes do stay in with their friends (at ours) supersoft but often they're too overexcited and it doesn't end well!

I probably should just ask them hellion, but feel a bit rude rucking up at someone's house and changing all their arrangements...

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Reginamangina · 31/07/2015 23:58

As a kid my brother & I thought it was a huge treat to get to share a room with our parents & if I'm honest I love to do so with my DC when we go places.

That said, being slightly hypocritical, when we go to my partners mum's 5 bedroom house with his stepsister & her 2kids we're shoved in the study and the other family get to split between the three other rooms- 1is entire granny flat. as a matter of principle only,this annoys me.

Wolfiefan · 01/08/2015 00:00

I'm not sure how you can be certain their kids have no issues. I wouldn't put my two together for a myriad of reasons! Book a hotel?

JugglingChaotically · 01/08/2015 00:10

Ooh. Have suffered this one too. No sleep and no fun!
And can't function at work if I've been up all weekend!
We don't stay anywhere where we would all be in one room anymore. Premier inn/holiday express round the corner......
Good luck.

LazyLohan · 01/08/2015 00:17

Next time they come to you, instead of putting both your kids in one room and theirs in another, could you put one of your kids and one of their kids in each room?

They might take the hint and do the same when you visit next.

BackforGood · 01/08/2015 00:34

Couldn't you just casually ask (in advance) if your dc can share with their dc this time, as they've been asking if they can - like a 'sleepover' - to make it more fun for the dc ?

yellowdinosauragain · 01/08/2015 01:37

Wolfiefan I think I can be pretty certain because we know them very well. Also, because they don't have any issues sharing when they come to us, or when they go on holiday!

Backforgood I think you've got the best idea! And we might well do what you suggest this time Lazylohan

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LilacWine7 · 01/08/2015 11:22

IMO YABU to expect them to make their children share. Fair enough if they offer you an extra room, but I think it would be rude to ask. What you do in your own home when hosting is up to you... if your own children are happy to share, that's great, but you shouldn't expect others to do the same. It's likely they wouldn't mind sharing a family room when they stay at yours. They may even think it's strange to be given 2 rooms, or feel awkward that your children are made to share when they visit.

Maybe their children make a fuss about sharing, or keep each other awake, or fight. Maybe they don't want the hassle of changing lots of extra bedlinen or moving furniture around. Maybe they have guests regularly and have a ground rule that guests have the guest-room and nobody gives up their bedroom. It's up to them as hosts. Some kids are possessive about their bedrooms and personal things like toys and may kick up a big fuss about other children having the room. It could create all sorts of stress and tension.

I suggest getting a cheap B&B if you're not happy with the room they offer.

Years ago we had guests stay for a weekend with their 2 young children. We lived in a 4-bed house at the time but only one room was the guest room, the other 2 (small) bedrooms we used as offices so they were filled with our desks, monitors, private papers etc. The guest-room was large so we put the family in there together, spent lots of time making it nice and welcoming and they had their own bathroom etc. We put fresh towels out, guest-slippers, chocolates, flowers, even got some toys and games for the children. But the parents were shocked and dismayed that we didn't offer them 2 rooms. They dropped hints all weekend about using one of our offices. We ignored the hints and thought them rude and ungrateful. We didn't invite them back again.

When you're a guest in someone's house I think you have to fit in with the way they do things, even if it's not how you do things when it's your turn to host. What works for your family may not work for theirs.

AuntyMag10 · 01/08/2015 11:28

Yanbu, it's being a good host to make sure your guests are as comfortable as possible even if you are put out a bit. I make my kids share too, and even offer our room as we have a large bedroom.
However next time they visit, make them squeeze up in one room. They will learn fast how rude they have been.

nokidshere · 01/08/2015 11:35

If you know someone well enough to stay at each other's home for 2-3 nights on a regular basis surely you know them well enough to say something?

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