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To demand answers from OH?

(44 Posts)
Spicysugars Tue 28-Jul-15 14:16:34

Okay, so recently (last month or so), my OH of 1 year isn't ejaculating anymore when we have sex, which I find really hard because 1. It makes me feel satisfied when he does and 2. He isn't really enjoying it as much anymore, I know he isn't, and I'm usually the one inisiating sex.

Here's my issue: He gets SUPER touchy and gets his back up when I try and mention it. I only ever mention it calmly and in a considerate way, yet he still gets so pissy!

I want to try and help/talk about this but he just won't, which is making this all 10 times work. I can't bring this up to him as I did again 5 minutes ago and he dismissed it and got angry.

I know he does masturbate a lot, but yesterday he went 4 days without masturbating and STILL couldn't cum when we done it. I feel like absolute shit.

In the past, if he had a
bit of trouble ejaculating, he'd just wank and then when he was ready to climax, I'd take him in my mouth etc (sorry for TMI) grin

Oh, and might I add, he's only ever ejaculated through vaginal penetration once, possibly twice, since we've been together.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Tue 28-Jul-15 14:24:32

Does he watch a lot of porn?

Gottagetmoving Tue 28-Jul-15 14:24:50

No wonder he doesn't want to talk about it if you come across as impatient and demanding to him as you did in your OP.
It sounds like you are monitoring his sexual performance all the time!

TheRealAmyLee Tue 28-Jul-15 14:25:16

If he masturbates a lot the problem may well be that he is used to the specific tight grip of this and struggles with other kinds of stimulation.

He does need to man up and talk about this. It can be solved but it will take both of you to do it. It basically involves him not masturbating and you doing more things together so his body learns to respond to your gentler touch. Google or a good sex tips book are your friend for specifics.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 28-Jul-15 14:30:53

Ahhhh.. the good old death grip
Too much porn and masturbation will do that to you.
Have a look at the link, it might help?

Spicysugars Tue 28-Jul-15 14:35:57

Just so you all know I most certainly don't sound as demanding like I do on my Post.

The way I speak to him is very soft and gentle, and not at all demanding.

Yes, he watches a lot of porn to masturbate.

yorkshapudding Tue 28-Jul-15 14:37:10

This must be difficult for both of you. I can understand your frustration as it sounds like you feel as though you're the only one trying to address the problem. I really think that "demanding answers" is the wrong way to go though. For one thing, he may not have any answers for you. If I stopped being able to orgasm with my partner I imagine the last thing that would improve the situation would be him demanding to know why. We don't always know why our bodies respond the way they do. Do you think he would consider talking to a professional about it?

Morganly Tue 28-Jul-15 14:39:17

Show him this

PurpleSwift Tue 28-Jul-15 14:41:34

It's the porn.

It's messes with your head. Tell him he needs to go cold turkey for a while on the porn. At least a few weeks

TheyGotTheMustardOut Tue 28-Jul-15 14:42:45

How old is he? Does he drink a lot or smoke? Is he on medication or suffering any mental health issues? There are so many variables.

Spicysugars Tue 28-Jul-15 14:48:03

Hi, he's a healthy 21 year old.

I'm not demanding answers, I just want to talk, and I gently considered to him that perhaps he should speak to a health professional about it if he finds it uncomfortable to talk to me, and he went off on one completely and said ''if you don't like it, fuck off''

User100 Tue 28-Jul-15 14:50:43

"Demand answers" seems like an incredibly unfair way to approach something that isn't a decision he's made and it is clear he finds fairly embarrassing!

Morganly Tue 28-Jul-15 14:52:15

Ok, I've changed my advice slightly. Show him the death grip web page and then dump the thoughtless, foul mouthed git.

Allhallowspeeve Tue 28-Jul-15 14:54:56

The 'death grip' grin

Spartans Tue 28-Jul-15 14:55:44

Well what answers so you want?

Personally I think it would be better if he spoke to his gp. He obviously doesn't want to discuss it with you and you keeping on asking isn't helping.

Leave it for a while and then tell him it upsets you and you would like to help or support him going to the doctors.

First though you need to back off.

His swearing at you is out of order, but I can also understand he must be frustrated if you keeping bringing it up when he has made it clear he doesn't want to discuss it.

Spartans Tue 28-Jul-15 14:57:04

Problems like this are so difficult. Because while it's his problem it's effecting both of you. If he won't get help and I jot sure what you can do.

Spicysugars Tue 28-Jul-15 14:59:47

I've probably made my post sound as if I keep bringing it up to him, but I've only asked about 2 times this entire month and with very thoughtful timing

What if he WON'T get help? I often find myself in the living room once he's fallen asleep, crying tears of frustration.

Spartans Tue 28-Jul-15 15:03:07

Tbh OP what do you want to do five won't get help?

Some people would be happy to live with it, some wouldn't. You can't force him to talk about it or get help.

Spicysugars Tue 28-Jul-15 15:03:22

Another question is how do I politely decline his offer for sex? At this point, I'd rather not have sex because if we do and he isn't ejaculating, I feel very frustrated and hurt, where as if we just didn't do it, I wouldn't feel so bad.

It's so hurtful when he wants to cuddle up to me after sex (he loves cuddles) but all I want to do is scratch his face off.

Spartans Tue 28-Jul-15 15:03:47

What do you want to do if he won't get help

Spicysugars Tue 28-Jul-15 15:05:36

If he won't get help, I don't know what I'd do.

I love him to bits and I'm happy in all other aspects of our relationship, but his lack of fluid is making me go insane with frustration.

QuizteamBleakley Tue 28-Jul-15 15:08:20

Scratch his face off? shock Do you 'need' him to ejaculate? If he's had a good time and you've had an orgasm (?) then where's the problem? Tell him to lay off the wankfodder for a month or so and perhaps be a bit nicer to each other.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Tue 28-Jul-15 15:11:02

You really shouldn't take his lack of orgasm so personally but equally, if he would rather you 'fuck off' than talk to you about it maybe you should.

Spicysugars Tue 28-Jul-15 15:16:11

But what if we were to try for a baby? How the bloody hell would that one work hmmconfused

Allhallowspeeve Tue 28-Jul-15 15:16:17

op have you ever had sex where you didn't orgasam but enjoyed it? You can't really control someone's enjoyment of it. It shouldn't effect you if your satisfied and have enjoyed it and he says he enjoyed it too.

He does however seem to have a porn issue. If he can't get by with out watching it, it sounds like he has an addiction. You can't force some one with addiction to get help or to try to stop. they have to get to that point by them self.

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