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Am I going crazy?!

(38 Posts)
TheTowelSaga Thu 16-Jul-15 06:48:48

Namechanged as don't want to out myself.

Without going out tmi, my husband and I were intimate last night... I was using the loo and he got up and picked a towel out of the washing basket to wipe himself up with.
I stood up and then asked 'oh what's that towel?' As I had previously done the washing today and knew there was only 1 towel in the laundry basket (which was pink). His reply was 'it's my rugby towel, I just picked it up, it was in the washing basket!!'
Now I wouldn't have really thought anything of it (other than its weird and I was sure it wasn't in there earlier) and just shrugged it off, but then his reaction made me confused as he seemed really defensive.
I told him it wasn't in there earlier, he said he hasn't touched it and I must've put it in there then. He then informed me that he hasn't seen his rugby towel for ages as he has been using my red ones (I can confirm this is true). But I just don't understand how a towel can just appear?! Because it definitely was not in there. I feel so silly as it is only a towel, certainly not an appearing object that would scream affair he has something to hide, but I can't sleep because i keep thinking about it and my mind is working overtime wondering where the bloody hell this towel could have appeared from?
For what it's worth, nobody has been in my house & I only have 1 DS who is a toddler and was never unattended upstairs.

sebsmummy1 Thu 16-Jul-15 06:58:28

Where do you think it might have appeared from OP? I can understand your suspicions seeing that you had just completed the washing and he was acting weird, but where would he have magicked a towel from and why might it indicate an affair?

AnyFucker Thu 16-Jul-15 06:59:22

why does a rogue towel suggest "affair" to you ?

my house regularly offers up random bits of laundry

OttiliaVonBCup Thu 16-Jul-15 07:01:29

Why on Earth would a towel mean affair?

AnyFucker Thu 16-Jul-15 07:02:04

is there some history or back story here ?

CakeUpWall Thu 16-Jul-15 07:03:17

Didn't want to read and run, as I know how it makes you feel when something keeps you awake all night with worry sad - but I'm afraid I don't think I know the answer!

Firstly, you are not going mad; there is an explanation for this. My first thought would be that your DH had been having a bit of 'me time' and had used the towel earlier, but I know that if it was my DH he would not have been up for performing again that evening!

Your first thought seems to have been Affair. Has anything else happened which has ruffled your spidey senses?

Fallout4 Thu 16-Jul-15 07:03:53

My house regularly steals my clothes which are never to be seen again....grin

TheTowelSaga Thu 16-Jul-15 07:04:03

That's exactly why I'm so confused, as the rogue towel doesn't indicate affair at all... It was his suspicious reaction and my lack of understanding where the hell it could have come from.
clearly I just need to accept that we have a magical towel

TheTowelSaga Thu 16-Jul-15 07:07:42

CakeUp I feel so silly for being kept awake over a towel sad
No history of unfaithfulness, but he has previously lied to me about something that he swore on my child's life he hadn't done, which I later found out he had sad

Sometimesjustonesecond Thu 16-Jul-15 07:09:00

This is the sort of thing that wpuld drive me crazy too.
Is it possible the towel was caught up in another item of laundry so you missed it earlier or did you literally wash everything?
Maybe dh threw it in the wash basket earlier and because you've already done the washing he doesnt want to admit he left it languishing in a sports bah for weeks?

If something is niggling at you wrt an affair, then it shouldn't be ignored. Sometimes you are subconsciously aware that something is wrong but it takes a small and seemingly unconnected event to knock you into full awareness. Im not saying there definitely is something wrong btw. In my house laundry is always going missing and turning up in random places with no explanation.

ahfuckit Thu 16-Jul-15 07:13:40

Sounds like gas lighting, but if incidents are really rare because he feels caught out rather than anything abusive?

Sometimesjustonesecond Thu 16-Jul-15 07:16:02

Cross posted with you OP. Once someone has lied to you and proven that they can look you in the eye and swear that black is white, I think it is impossible to fully trust them again and you will look for evidence that they are not being honest because you dont want to get fooled by them again.

Maybe this is why he is defensive because he knows you are no longer automatically trusting what he says.

It's very hard being married to someone who can lie as easily as they breathe. If you are genuinely uneasy about him then quietly investigate.

youareallbonkers Thu 16-Jul-15 07:31:34

Is it one of your towels? Or a strange one?

teeththief Thu 16-Jul-15 07:35:47

He had a wank earlier in the day and used the towel to clean up, then got embarrassed when you questioned him is my guess

Euphemia Thu 16-Jul-15 07:36:31

My house stole a stripy T-shirt and didn't give it back until the day I replaced it. hmm grin

Where could the towel have been? How long is it since you last saw it in the wash?

TheTowelSaga Thu 16-Jul-15 07:43:53

He didn't use it for himself earlier, I could tell as he wouldn't have been up for last nights performance blush
He just got out of bed without hugging me (which we do every morning) or saying bye to me. I got up and moaned at him while he was trying to use the bathroom, along the lines of why didn't you hug me clingy wife and his response was "why would you want a hug when you don't believe where the towel has come from?!"
I replied "because it's weird and I just want you to agree that it's weird and reassure me that I'm not losing my mind and that it's just one of those things. I haven't done anything wrong, I only questioned where it has come from, but I haven't accused you of anything so I don't understand why you're in a strop with me?! It's not like I'm being unjustified in not believing you after what's happened before!"
His response was "why would you want to just carry on as normal if you don't believe me?! How can you not see that, you thick fucking twat?" shock

TheTowelSaga Thu 16-Jul-15 07:47:33

I have no idea where the towel could have been. It has been months since I saw it. It's his rugby towel, I don't like him using the normal towels as he gets them muddy and gross in his rugby bag. Rugby has only just started back up with pre-season training the last week or so, and he's been using my red towels.
May I also add, on closer inspection of the suspicious towel - it smells rather fresh & seems to be clean hmm

AnyFucker Thu 16-Jul-15 08:02:57

thick fucking twat ?

does he often talk to you like that ?

<suspects there is a shitload of back story>

Saltedcaramel2014 Thu 16-Jul-15 08:11:00

Echoing AF above but seriously

He called you 'A thick fucking twat'?

Over this?

Is the name-calling and swearing mutual?

I would be more upset about that than the towel... really nasty language and treatment

Euphemia Thu 16-Jul-15 08:13:35

There's a lot going on here.

Whatever he lied about before, do you often bring it up? You haven't forgiven him: will you ever?

Thick fucking twat?! Sheesh!

TheTowelSaga Thu 16-Jul-15 08:20:36

Euphemia I don't often bring it up, to be honest it breaks my hard every time I think about it so I kinda just act like it never happened.
The language is something that's normal for him. All of his family speak to each other like that too, I used to get upset about it but now it just goes over my head as I know he is uneducated and struggles to vocalise his feeling and emotions without resorting to petty name calling. It's just his way blush

mummy0bummy Thu 16-Jul-15 08:23:51

You know your child is going to pick that up too though? sad

TheTowelSaga Thu 16-Jul-15 08:24:01

*heart

Allstoppedup Thu 16-Jul-15 08:24:28

Er, he called you a thick fucking twat over an argument over just a towel? scratch that, there's nothing you COULD be arguing about that would justify that behaviour

This behaviour would make me even more suspicious, a hugely defensive over reaction on his behalf.

I'd say you have a big problem regardless of where the towel came from if he speaks to you that way OP!

TheTowelSaga Thu 16-Jul-15 08:26:04

mummy I know, I have thought about that too sad I've called him on it many times and just learned to accept that is simply the way he is. I always make a point of calling it if he speaks to me like that in front of my son though and in public blush

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