To think two separate collections should be organised

[Daisywellies]

Two colleagues have recently had babies. Someone has just decided that we will do one collection and split the money and has already put the collection in motion. I am much closer to one of the new mothers than the other (who I barely know) and would prefer to give different amounts to each collection.

AIBU to wish that we could have two separate collections.

I know it's a first world problem and not that important but just interested in views.

[Chattymummyhere]

Two seperate collections.

However you might that due to this double one a few people might be handing over extra money in cards to their proffered new mum.

[SylvanianCaliphate]

Wouldn't it be horrible if you had two and new mum 1 raised £150 but new mum 2 £20?

It's fair imo to split it, Chuck in £5 and maybe an extra small gift for favourite?

[Scholes34]

If you're closer to one of the mums, you might be buying your own present for her anyway. I would have preferred two collections, but looks like it's too late now.

[WankerDeAsalWipe]

I agree it probably should have ben two separate collections as presumably they don't all know and are close with the same people. it's done now though, so I'd stick a few quid in between them and buy something separate for you friend.

[Timetodrive]

Whoever organised this cannot win if they are so close together, if they had of done them separately I could easily see an aibu about how many bloody collections. Personally all collections should be bloody binned, and shitty birthday cakes.

[SoupDragon]

Wouldn't it be horrible if you had two and new mum 1 raised £150 but new mum 2 £20?

This, absolutely.

organising a collection is one of the most thankless tasks there is!

[Daisywellies]

In fairness, I don't think there'd be that obvious a difference in the collections. Most people would probably give a similar amount to each but some people would be closer to one colleague than another and prefer a bit of discretion regarding the amount they give to each collection.

Anyhow, will perhaps just buy something small myself for the closer colleague and just give a normal amount to be split between the two communal presents.

[FeelingSmurfy]

I think it's the right thing to do, would be awful if two collections so close together raised totally different amounts. The one with less would be really upset and the one with more would feel really guilty, taking the shine off the moment for both of them

In your situation I would put 2 X the amount you would give to the one you don't know/like as much and buy the one you know better / get on better with an additional little gift or voucher. Your friend would probably prefer that as it has come directly from her friend

[FeelingSmurfy]

If you are struggling with £ (as most people are now) one collection would be better as you may feel you have to give at least X amount to every collection, and you only have to do that once rather than twice, not everyone will give double the amount because its being split

[Nurserywindow]

Somebody did this recently where I work in relation to two people retiring. It annoyed a lot of people as some of us had worked very closely with one of the people and barely knew the other, and vice versa.

I don't like to feel forced to contribute fairly generously to a present for someone I barely nod to in the corridor, or to feel that I can't give a decent amount to someone I really like and respect without half of it being donated to someone else's gift.

In relation to a baby present it probably wouldn't bother me as much, but it is a bit presumptuous to just assume you can split everyone's donation 50:50.

[TTWK]

Wouldn't it be horrible if you had two and new mum 1 raised £150 but new mum 2 £20?

Not at all. There would be a reason for the huge disparity, probably because new mum 1 was nice and new mum 2 wasn't. Serves her right. You reap what you sew.

I've been known to empty my hole punch machine into a collection envelope for some twat I loathed. Immature I know, but it made me feel better!

[ilovesooty]

And another reason might be simply that one had been there longer than the other and had formed more bonds with people.

How does "reaping what you sow" work there?

[Nurserywindow]

It's also assuming that people want to give to both collections whereas some of them might prefer to say 'well I don't really know Sarah so I'll just give to Laura's collection'.

It's not really a big deal, and doing collections are a faff so it definitely saves a bit of bother, but I can see how it could annoy people if there was a big difference in the relationship they had with one colleague over another.

[justmyview]

I would favour one collection. Otherwise, it wouldn't be very nice for one person to get a more generous present than the other

[CloserToFiftyThanTwenty]

Do people really give very different amounts to a collection depending on how well they like their colleague?

[Nurserywindow]

It's more how well you know a colleague. If I'm very friendly with someone or they have been very supportive to me then I would give more than the average amount to their collection.

[TTWK]

And another reason might be simply that one had been there longer than the other and had formed more bonds with people. How does "reaping what you sow" work there?

I wouldn't be upset at all to receive less in a collection than someone else who had been there far longer. It's perfectly understandable.

[MrsHathaway]

How would they know? Mothercare gift cards are the same size and shape no matter how much you load on to them.

Yes, separate collections, even where that means two going round at once.

[Nurserywindow]

I don't see how they'd know either. Presumably the presents will be given at different times or posted out to the receipients at home. So unless they compare, which I can't imagine they would, how would they know that one person got two outfits for their baby that cost £50 while the other only got one outfit that cost £22?

[MissPenelopeLumawoo2]

Wouldn't it be horrible if you had two and new mum 1 raised £150 but new mum 2 £20?

Not at all. There would be a reason for the huge disparity, probably because new mum 1 was nice and new mum 2 wasn't. Serves her right. You reap what you sew.


But what if one of them worked in a large team so came into contact with more people, but the other one worked in a smaller team of say three or four? It maybe that they are lovely, but just do not have the opportunity to meet lots of other colleagues. I don't think you can assume it is because they were not nice!

[ilovesooty]

TTWK that's not what you said in your original post. You said the probable reason was one person being nicer than the other so it "serves them right" and "you reap what you sow"

[SylvanianCaliphate]

I think that whatever the reason you would give more to one is it shouldn't tarnish the thought and spirit of a collection.

If you don't like or have a grudge then don't give at all and buy a small individual gift.

It's a work collection, pia but one of those things. Not an opportunity to grind axes or popularity.

Maybe I'm thinking too much like 'if you don't have enough for all then no one has any'

If, for whatever reason one mum finds out the other got more it would be cruel and a bit spiteful imo.

[Viviennemary]

I think it's fair enough to just have one collection. It might save hurt feelings if one peson gets more than the other. If you are close to the person just buy her a present yourself.

[Nurserywindow]

I don't think it's got anything about bearing grudges sylvanian. I know I have a standard amount that I give to most collections. For people I'm particularly close to or who I feel I owe a lot to, I will up that amount (sometimes considerably). For someone that I don't know very well but feel pressurised into giving to their collection, I might give slightly less.

I don't think there's anything spiteful about that.

[GoblinLittleOwl]

If it bothers you so much, have two separate collections, just as long as you are prepared to organize them yourself. Then you will find out how much fun it is, getting people to contribute to one collection, let alone two, and finding appropriate presents.