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AIBU?

to ask my F- in -L to control his dog

32 replies

LG · 26/06/2015 12:13

my 79 yr old f in law has a 3 yr old german shepherd dog which he has never managed to control/train. Last time we went there (for fathers day), the dog jumped up at my 11 yr old DD (it is as big as her), ran at her and put its jaw around her legs leaving scratch marks from her teeth. This happens every time we have tried to go out in the garden. My f- in law cannot control the dog or get hold of her. The dog is simply too strong. The situation only ended when my DH came and screamed at the dog and we were able to run indoors. My f-in-law told me not to come any more as he wasn't going to get rid of the dog. I'm fine with that but my DH say I can't stop my daughter visiting with him as its not my decision. AIBU to think this is wrong and that my F in law shouldn't have this dog. (It has attacked him as well causing him to need hospital treatment).

OP posts:

Report

PrimalLass · 26/06/2015 12:15

It is your decision. Tell your DH it is that or call the police.

Ejzuudjej · 26/06/2015 12:25

You must stop your daughter visiting.

Lottapianos · 26/06/2015 12:30

Dear me, some people have very strange priorities. I completely understand why you would not want your DD anywhere near there. FIL is being utterly ridiculous.

Floralnomad · 26/06/2015 12:33

Why can't your dd see your FIL at your home or meet up somewhere ?

Birdsgottafly · 26/06/2015 12:41

You can't be around this dog.

I'd rather you reported him.

I'm a long standing GS owner, I've fostered "aggressive" dogs, who ended up just needing proper care, control and exercise.

This is very untypical GS behaviour, they are stable dogs, that's why they are used in security work.

From a love of the breed, POV, report him and get the dog removed, it will be sorted out and re homed.

googoodolly · 26/06/2015 12:42

You can't make FIL give away his dog, but why can't your DD see her granddad at a restaurant or at your house, where the dog won't be allowed?

Birdsgottafly · 26/06/2015 12:42

As well as no-one being injured and a healthy young dog PTS.

Birdsgottafly · 26/06/2015 12:58

Just to add that there might be the odd exception to the rule, but a 75 year old (as he was then) shouldn't get a GS puppy, as I age (I'm nearly 50), I'll look to older rescue dogs.

SorchaN · 26/06/2015 13:10

I don't know much about dogs, but I've heard that German shepherds are very trainable because they're usually very intelligent. Can your husband help his dad to train the dog? There are training classes all over the place - it might be something nice they could do together once a week or something.

Mind you, even a well-trained dog should be watched closely around young children, and your daughter shouldn't be taken to your father-in-law's unless/until the dog is better trained.

Denimwithdenim00 · 26/06/2015 13:18

Does your dd even want to go? Mine would be far too terrified after that incident. Your dh is being very cavalier about her safety isn't he? That would worry me the most.

As Birds says I would report it to the RSPCA or such as a dog not properly under control.

Your fil is in danger here too.

CordeliaFoxx · 26/06/2015 13:20

I have GSDs, they are absolutely wonderful dogs, but like all dogs you need to train them. I'm am seeing this more from the dogs point of view to be fair, how old is the dog? Could anyone help FIL train it?

Is the dog being exercised? If not then it will have so much pent up energy that this is all coming out the wrong way.

I don't think it's unreasonable for you not to want your DCs around the dog until it has been taught some manners.

LG · 26/06/2015 13:51

thanks everyone. My father in law refuses to go to dog training classes. he is very stubborn and thinks he can train a dog by himself. My M in law has alzheimers and although she has carers he doesn't leave her much and so wouldn't come to ours. He hates being shown up how little control he has over the dog. I don't think the dog gets enough exercise/stimulation although a dog walker walks her but she has to wear a collar saying "aggressive dog - do not approach". Can you report a dogs behaviour on private property? Who would I report it to?

OP posts:

diddl · 26/06/2015 13:59

Hang on, so the dog attacked your daughter, but you are the one who has been told not to go anymore?

Well, fuck that!

How is your husband magically going to ensure that this never happens again?

And why does he want to go somewhere that you aren't welcome?

lardyscouse · 26/06/2015 14:05

Can you afford to pay for training? German Shepherds are very biddable and it seems it is being rewarded for antisocial behaviour. I have a feeling both you, the dog, and your father would be happier with a well trained dog. They are far too intelligent to be underused.

LG · 26/06/2015 14:10

thanks diddl - you sum up how I feel exactly, but my dh does want to go and see his mum who has alzheimers also he feels he should still see his dad who won't last for ever. All fine but I just don't want my dd to go and be in danger.
My father in law won't go to formal dog training . He thinks he can do it. I have threatened to lie in front of the car if Dh tries to take DD there!

OP posts:

LG · 26/06/2015 14:12

ps I can see the dog is v intelligent but is just so bored and under stimulated.

OP posts:

SylvaniansAtEase · 26/06/2015 14:12

yes it is your decision

yes it is the right decision

tell your fool of an H he has the choice to either respect your decision, or watch you call the police and report the dog and see it taken away.

No discussion.

At 13, your daughter can report what happened to her as well as you, so the report will be substantiated. The dog will be rehomed or destroyed. So tell your DH to wind his neck in, get some bloody backbone and support you in protecting your daughter if he won't do it himself.

Denimwithdenim00 · 26/06/2015 14:25

But op does your dd want to even go? She must have been terrified.

I have to say I would have zero respect for my dh if he acted in this way.

Hate up say it but he sounds as arrogant as his dad.

Surely your mil could be vulnerable too here?

Report report.

CordeliaFoxx · 26/06/2015 14:26

Sorry but for everyone's sake, the dogs needs rehoming. GSD rescue are brilliant.

diddl · 26/06/2015 15:33

It is your decision if you think that your daughter might be bitten by a dog & that your husband/FIL won't do everything possible to prevent that.

Presumably it's not as simple as dog being in the garden when you are all in the house, or another room if weather bad & or being in the house if you want to be in the garden!

Chiggers · 26/06/2015 17:58

Can your DH and your DD both take the dog to training classes so that they can learn to control it. It should then reduce the risk of your DD getting bitten and the dog is more likely to obey her than your FIL. I find that with my 2 Staffords (the most stubborn dogs I have ever come across), they will do anything when there is treats of any size. That is one thing I use to my advantage in training my dogs. Training any dog is not something you get the dogs to do a small number of times and then stop doing it. Training a dog is a constantly ongoing thing IMHE, so if your DH and DD do take the dog to training classes, they have to keep on with what they have been taught up to the point when the dog may be PTS.

On another note, IME, the older generation can be a pretty stubborn lot and this may be something that your FIL feels he should be able to do himself.

Fatmomma99 · 26/06/2015 18:28

I agree with diddl and others - there's no way I'd let my dd go to that house with that dog there (and I'm a major dog lover).

Totally understand why your DH still wants to go (although your FIL sounds like he was deeply rude and nasty to you LG, and if that was me I'd be very upset by my DH's lack of support), but that doesn't mean dd needs to be there.

I would be making my DH tell me his plan for protecting her before I would even consider it.

Andrewofgg · 26/06/2015 19:40

The dog needs rehoming if that means immediate removal then find someone able and willing to take it. Otherwise it needs PTS which I know will not be popular with some around here. But this dog is a serious attack, possibly a fatal attack, waiting to happen.

DH will have to see his parents without their DGD until the bloody dog goes. Dig your heels in, take no shit about this.

Penfold007 · 26/06/2015 20:37

Your DH is the problem. He has NO right to put his/your daughter at risk.

TheCatsMother99 · 26/06/2015 23:04

My nan had an evil dog that used to behave like this. We didn't see her much but when we did go to see her I was petrified because of the snappy dog who always went for my ankles. I was always too frightened to go to the loo as that's when it really went for me, when I went from the living room to toilet.

I imagine your DD might feel how I did so (as well as the actually safety reason) I wouldn't let her go.

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