To go to groups everyday?

[Pearl2015]

I have a 4 and 6 year old and a 4 month old baby. I am very lucky that the 4 month old has slept through the night since 4 weeks old so I have more energy than I did with the other two. I take him to a group every morning after dropping the other two at school, come home for lunch then after cleaning up lunch do an hour or so walk with ds in the buggy (only way he will nap and if he doesn't nap he can't make it to the end of the day) which leaves me with 45 mins to have a cuppa and recover from the walk! (I am unfit) before the school run.
My house is a mess and unorganised. My mil said if I only went to one group a week I would have time to look after my family and home properly. I had never thought of it like this. With the first two kids I didn't have the school run so we went to groups/park etc in the morning and then did housework/cooking etc in the afternoons. Aibu? Do I just have to accept that ds will do less activities/park etc than his sisters? If I did all the house stuff in the week and only took him to one group we would have time for us all to do things at the weekend. I'm scared he will feel bored if we spend most of the week indoors though! My own mum thinks I am being silly as taking babies and toddlers to activities is a modern thing, she said in her day mums were too busy cooking cleaning and looking after the family to do things like that. I'm scared ds will miss out though, all my friends go to groups everyday and don't seem to do any domestic stuff! I would really like a nice clean organised home though and home cooked meals every night?

[HeffaLumpers]

Why not have one or two days without a group where you can do your jobs, batch cool for the rest of the weeks etc. A four month old baby doesn't need in anyway to be going to any groups. They are exclusivly for your benefit at this age so if they aren't making you happy stop going. A four month old will not miss out at groups

[meglet]

yanbu. If it suits you and you enjoy getting out meeting people then carry on. sod the housework.

(disclaimer; am a working lp so my housework standards are rock bottom ).

[HoggleHoggle]

I take ds to groups every day, he gets waaaaay too bored if he's not out and about. That being said, he's 18 months old and I only started doing this from 12 months. I wouldn't have felt that at 4 months he 'needed' to be at groups and I certainly wouldn't feel that he's missing out if he doesn't. But if it's important to you to socialise etc then I think you're doing nothing wrong!

If you would like a bit more time at home though for housework etc could you cut the groups in half, say one morning at a group then next morning not? I see where you're coming from about the afternoon walk being non negotiable, my ds is a buggy napper too.

[EmzDisco]

Yes sounds like if you'd like to get your home a bit more shipshape maybe dropping one or two groups is the way to go. You'd still be able to go out with the baby most weekdays and get your weekend too. If you were able to really get stuck in (baby permitting of course!) on your cleaning day then you might find that makes all the difference!

[GlitzAndGigglesx]

Maybe commit one morning a week after the school run to have a good clean then that way you only need to do the odd little bits throughout the week

[littlesupersparks]

I like to take my toddlers to groups every morning but I'm not sure I would if I just had a baby to worry about. But if it's a social thing for you that's important too. But then my kids sleep/slept in the afternoon generally so I could get on with a few bits and bobs around the house. Would your baby settle in a sling as you did a bit of a potter? Half an hour is long enough to get a surprising amount done

[Redcliff]

He won't miss out so do what works for you. I just went to one group a week with my 2nd but he has lots of fun with his brother. I think it's a bit rude of your mil tbh.

[badRoly]

I went out every morning to various groups with each of my DC when they were small, especially once I had older DC at school. I would not have coped if I'd stayed in to do housework.

I get where you are coming from about wanting a lovely clean and tidy home with home cooked meals but you need to do what works for you and at the moment that won't work for you.

Do you walk the school run? Could dc3 sleep then or is it too short a walk. At 4mths you could leave him in his cot/bouncy chair/play mat and do a room a day to get on top of things perhaps?

[TwoOddSocks]

At 4 months old it's not important for him but if it's important to you then go. I couldn't stand staying home every day and doing nothing but cleaning. Maybe have one day at home to do a big clean. Your Mil sounds pretty awful to be honest.

[Pearl2015]

I have syatica so find a sling painful. I think cutting down the groups to every other day is a good idea. I have so many things I would like to do at home, we have moved recently so still some boxes to unpack etc. the only problem I find is I don't actually get alot done when I'm at gone as baby either needs feeding, cleaning up sick or poo!!

[Pearl2015]

Yes he has fun with his sisters thinking about it so maybe he doesn't need as many activities? Groups saved me with the dds especially when dd1 was an only.

[PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom]

He is four months old. Don't worry about what he wants or what the other children had. Just focus on what works best for you.

Sometimes, if you have a clingon baby who screams when put down, it is less frustrating to be out and away from the chaos at home! Other times it may suit you to potter at home.

[PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom]

Oh, and with a four month old baby, sod anyone who says that you 'should' be doing more housework. If you want to do stuff, fine. If other people are telling you should, stuff them. Your priority is your baby, not dusting your shelves.

[Trooperslane]

Groups at 4 months I think are more for you than the weans. But not as they get older.

That said, do what the fuck you like! You are looking after your family.

(I presume you have not had an infestation and you cook occasionally?)

YANBU.

[flora717]

Just go with what works. He'll change and so might the situation with it.

[flora717]

Also, does your DH do any chores? Or take on the childcare on his days off?

[BackforGood]

Your dc doesn't need any groups at 4 months old, but you should do whatever works for you. An immaculate house is over rated IMO. If you feel that you benefit from a routine of going somewhere each day, meeting other people, etc., then you do that. But you are doing it for you, not the baby.

[AntiHop]

Yanbu. I prioritise going to groups and socialising with my dd over housework. My flat has been a mess since she was a couple of months old!

[DeladionInch]

Mil can butt out

1. if you do all the housework when they're not there, how will you and dh set a positive example to your children about how it's done, equal distribution etc
   
   
2. I'd go crackers if I didn't get out of the house daily. At 4 months ds was mega cranky without at least one decent airing
   
   
3. are your children actually unfed, unwashed, uncared for? Or is this mil's perception of the situation?

[GoblinLittleOwl]

If you, your husband and your children are happy it is not any business of your mother or your mother in law what state your house is in.

[CatsAreLikeChocolates]

I'd thank MIL and DM for their kind offers to come round and do the housework whilst you take DS out and about but then I'm very passive aggressive

Do what feels right for now. There'll be plenty of time to clean when they've all left home. Meanwhile, as long as the kids are fed and watered, and the house is clean enough to be safe to live in, who cares what anyone else thinks or is rude enough to say .

[RhiWrites]

Does your husband do any housework or childcare?

[misscarlar]

We did a big clean and now I'm trying to follow a 20 mins a day clean

[DinosaursRoar]

Nope, I found going out somewhere every day stopped me going crazy. You can clean and tidy when the older ones are home - but otherwise it's a really long boring day.

It's also worth thinking that while your DC3 is young enough to sit still while you clean now, you'd only get a couple of months before they were active and you'd hardly be able to just plonk them somewhere while you do your domestic goddess routine.

Ignore MIL, often "in their day" being at home with DCs meant being at home. Everything was more labour intensive so DCs did just have to fit round that.

[Mutley77]

I would make use of the 45 mins after your walk to at least get the dinner and laundry sorted.

Then maybe one day per week off groups to give the house a good clean and tidy one morning. I find one and a half hours a week is enough to stay on top of the cleaning.

Oh and then internet food shop or do a short activity one morning and then go to the supermarket at 1030, still home for lunch.

I certainly agree you need time out of the house daily but personally have always managed to do enough during the week to ensure we don't have to do chores at the weekend. And that's been with 1, 2 and 3 dc and being a sahm or working pt.

I would count the walk as "me time" until you can get baby to nap at home when you can then have time for chores and your sit down time during the nap.