Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2

AIBU?

Blocked my best friends number

34 replies

Peachybanana · 29/04/2015 18:05

Back in Feb I received a call from my best friend at 5am she was drunk and arguing with her boyfriend, this was not the first time this had happened she was always calling me at unreasonable hours drunk and having an argument with him.

I have lost count of the amount of times she has been black and blue from fighting with him however they always get back together and all is forgotten about.

So anyway back in February when she called me she started screaming down the phone that he was attacking her and asked me to call the police which I did.

The next day the police came and took a statement from me. Last week we were due in court I had to take the day off work, I was there for a few hours and my friend did not turn up so we got sent home with a new court date in a few weeks.

I called her when I got home and she informed me that she decided not to go as she wants to get back with her boyfriend, I was fuming, I tried explaining that she has dragged me into her mess and now I have to take another day off work for nothing as she is not going to turn up again.

Shes 30 and her boyfriend is 22 but he acts 12, hes abusive and immature and this is going to continue happening if they get back together but she doesn't seem to care, I have blocked her number now but im not sure its the right thing to do???

OP posts:

Report

Nayville · 29/04/2015 18:08

YANBU. She should have rang the police herself that night aswell. She is not a friend.

FuckyNell · 29/04/2015 18:08

Good grief run for the hills!!!!

Gileswithachainsaw · 29/04/2015 18:10

It sounds like you have done all you can. You can't keep wasting your time and risking your job (with too much time off or constant personal calls etc) for someone who seems to revel in the drama of it all.

AuntyMag10 · 29/04/2015 18:10

YAnbu leave her to it. Unfortunately with people like her she will just emotionally drain you. You can't help her.

Icimoi · 29/04/2015 18:13

Tell the police what she has said. If she's not going to turn up, they might as well know now and save all the expense and trouble of another court hearing.

Nolim · 29/04/2015 18:13

Yanbu. You cannot fight her battles.

expatinscotland · 29/04/2015 18:18

Absolutely the right thing to block her. Tell the police she has no intention of turning up. Don't go yourself. Time to leave her to it.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 29/04/2015 18:30

Ynbu. If shs doesn't turn up for court then why should you give a damn. Everyone is sitting there at her court case and shd' the only one who doesn't turn up. That's the view of the closed minded judgemental me but I like to think myself as open minded and non-judgemental. no one knows any body's story. Perhaps she didn't turn up in court because she was threatened or brain washed. Perhaps shd doesn't want to split with him because he has taken so much of her confidence she's scared of never meeting anyone else. Maybe he's said he'll hurt her if she leaves him. If he'll abuse her when he supposedly loves her who knows what he"ll do when thdy're not together. There could be a much bigger story than I don't want to leave him. I don't think for one minutes shd's deliberatly being Awkard. Like s lot of abused women she probably feels trapped.
She needs to contact women's aid. To obtain support Nd courage to leave him. She deserves better.
I won't say you're b.u. You've done All you can

Aeroflotgirl · 29/04/2015 18:41

I personally would distance myself from her, you have done all you can, she is making life very difficult for you. She needs to realise the situation for herself, and get help herself.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/04/2015 18:42

You are right Lllvenall, I would put her in touch with Woman's Aid, distance yourself a bit.

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 29/04/2015 18:45

Don't underestimate how hard it is to leave an abusive relationship, or how much power he has over her. I think on average it takes something like 26 attempts before a woman properly leaves an abusive partner.
Also don't forget that two women a week are killed in the uk by their partners.
Keeping Al that in mind I would keep the channels of communication open, but try to set some boundaries too. I know that's easier said than done!

TheReluctantCountess · 29/04/2015 18:48

Yanbu.

SometimesTables · 29/04/2015 19:30

Yanbu. You've tried to help and it hasn't worked so now you should step back and look after yourself.

BuriedSardine · 29/04/2015 20:03

Although whatthefuck says is absolutely and sadly true, you cannot take any more responsibility for her emotional or physical wellbeing.

Perhaps one day she will decide she wants to leave all this drama and chaos and sober up to a more responsible life, perhaps she won't.

Either way, I think you should let her know you are stoping contact for the foreseeable future and wish her the best of luck.

Definitely NBU

Peachybanana · 29/04/2015 20:08

Thanks for your replies, i know she defo has not spoke to him since feb as he has bail conditions not to contact her, she was drunk the other night and called me up and said she has sent him countless messages but had no reply. She also said that he spoke to her other friend and said he loves her but cant talk to her just now. Its so messed up, every time he beats her up shes adamant thats them finished but always goes back.

She doesnt work and he still lives with his parents, but stays mostly at her house when they are together, they spend most weekends up drinking all night an it always ends in disaster.

Before i blocked her number I sent her a text explaining my feelings so I have not left her guessing. Her parents are sick to death of all the drama and her mum made her an appointment with womans aid an she apparently slept in and missed the appointment.

OP posts:

AyMamita · 29/04/2015 20:39

Can the case not go ahead without her testimony?

Peachybanana · 29/04/2015 20:48

No she is the main witness so without her there is no case, she is going to end up in trouble by not turning up but that does not seem to be important to her

OP posts:

Theycallmemellowjello · 29/04/2015 21:16

Your best friend? If it was a more casual friend I'd agree, but I can't imagine blocking my best friend in any circumstances and certainly not because she was in an abusive relationship and behaving like an arse. It's your life, but if you feel bad about this then maybe it's worse listening to that instinct? She is definitely behaving very badly, but not so badly that I'd dump a best friend personally.

Peachybanana · 29/04/2015 21:42

Shes my best friend, thats why this decision is so hard and it really was a last resort, i get phone calls from her at all hours when I have work the next day and I stay on the phone and hear her out and reassure her and then the next day she sleeps all day then she cant remember speaking to me (or so she says)

I know shes having a rough time of it right now and in the past i have done anything she asks of me but now i am finding it difficult.

OP posts:

eyebags63 · 29/04/2015 21:53

I think you have done everything you can to help her and now you are not being unreasonable in taking a step back. You can't allow her issues to start ruining your life as well; regular abusive phone calls at silly hours are not acceptable. I would block the number.

londonrach · 29/04/2015 21:57

I wouldnt block her. Sounds like she needs help. Id give her the woman refuse and make her aware you will be there for her but only if she left the boy. Think about it this abusive boy has got rid of her friends making her dependant on him and more at risk.

Iflyaway · 29/04/2015 22:10

I wouldn't cut her off but would unplug my phone at night or put the volume on zero. (have had night calls too).

I also wouldn't be bothering with court for someone who can't be bothered herself.

I would be there for her (during normal hours) though, having been in abusive relationships myself. It is very isolating. They need all the objective outsiders they can get!

londonrach - it's impossible to demand anyone to leave a relationship, they have to come to that realisation themselves.

FarFromAnyRoad · 29/04/2015 22:18

It's called tough love and you have to do it. You might see her as your best friend - clearly she's not seeing it that way from her side or she wouldn't do this to you. It's never going to get any better until she gets on top of her chaotic lifestyle and poor partner choices and you really don't want a walk on part in her lifelong drama do you? You've told her why you've done it - have you told her what to do to reverse your decision? Would you reverse it under certain circumstances?

londonrach · 29/04/2015 22:21

Iffy i know that but worried op will get into a cycle of being called, bf say she leave him then get back with him. Hate to block contact and make bf more at risk. I think op needs to back off but also be there. Very hard line to walk...

Andylion · 29/04/2015 22:24

...someone who seems to revel in the drama of it all.

I hate to say that about a woman involved in an abusive relationship, but I think Giles has a point. She made a habit of calling you when they fought; it sounds as though she wanted an audience. Also, if she was able to call you to ask you call the police, she was able to call the police herself, but she didn't.

Flip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.