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Is this unreasonable? I feel weird about it.

(41 Posts)
Hurr1cane Thu 29-Jan-15 17:40:19

My sister and her very long term DP have split up, well they split up months ago but she decided to hand her notice in at work and move to the other side of the country to live with a friend and start afresh. Her DP will keep on their house.

Anyway, basically our mum bought Dsis a coach on credit when she moved in with her DP, it was very expensive and DM is still paying it off.

DM text me and told me that DSis didn't want to take the coach with her, so did I want it?

My coach is very old, worn out and with 4 cats and a child with autism and disabilties, a bit scratched and stained, so I would love it.

However, I said no because I did not want to leave my sisters DP, who I've known for years and hasn't done anything wrong, without a coach.

DM said she had offered for him to take over the payments and he refused and she wasn't paying for a coach that neither of us had.

So my sister said what if we had a swap and gave him my old coach and swapped it round? I said yes if that's what her DP wanted and he agreed.


I just feel horrible taking his spotless, new coach, which has never had a child or animal on it, and handing him my rubbish, old, cat bed in return.

I can't even wash or Hoover it as I've had a miscarriage/ ectopic miscarriage this week and I can't even move without feeling like someone is stabbing me right through my womb and slowly twisting the sword. sad I usually Hoover and use the carpet cleaner on it weekly.

Is this horrible?

Pokeymum Thu 29-Jan-15 17:45:43

It would seem that your DM will stop making the payments if you don't, so I say go ahead. But I would check he wants your old one and know what condition it will be in - he may prefer to get a new one from somewhere.

Don't feel bad. He is a grown man and can sort out where to park himself of an evening.

You, on the other hand, need to take lots of care of yourself - I hope the future brings much better things for you smile

Nancy66 Thu 29-Jan-15 17:45:53

A coach? As in a bus?

Bunbaker Thu 29-Jan-15 17:46:09

First of all flowers for you. I hope you feel better soon.

Do you mean a couch?

If the ex doesn't want to pay for the new one and you want it and he agrees then just swap them over.

Hurr1cane Thu 29-Jan-15 17:46:51

Yes I meant a couch. Sorry I'm on a lot of pain killers

WhenMarnieWasThere Thu 29-Jan-15 17:47:14

A couch? As in sofa I think.

WhenMarnieWasThere Thu 29-Jan-15 17:47:23

A couch? As in sofa I think.

Hurr1cane Thu 29-Jan-15 17:47:45

I wrote coach then couch then didn't think anything looked right so just chose one. sad Feel stupid now. Co Codamol isn't my friend

SaucyJack Thu 29-Jan-15 17:48:59

Couch? smile

Just take the damn sofa if it's your mum who's paid for it. What some bloke who once went out with your sister chooses to have in his house to sit on isn't really your concern.

Sorry about the m/c as well dude.

Hurr1cane Thu 29-Jan-15 17:49:31

He knows the condition as he has visited with Dsis a few times. I think for him it's this one or nothing at the moment.

Frusso Thu 29-Jan-15 17:50:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

InternetFOREVER Thu 29-Jan-15 17:51:34

Sounds like you've had a horrible time recently, and you deserve a lovely new couch. I'm sure your sister's ex could pick up a second hand one cheap on ebay if he doesn't want yours.

WizardOfToss Thu 29-Jan-15 17:52:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mocheenee Thu 29-Jan-15 17:53:19

Hurr1cane - if you have just gone through a miscarraige then you have enough going on in your life than to stress about a sofa.
He has agreed, so take the nice sofa and enjoy it.
Wishing you well x

Fairenuff Thu 29-Jan-15 17:54:31

Ah, it's quite funny really OP, I make typos like that all the time but the image of an worn out old coach being swapped for a lovely new one did make me grin

Anyway, take the couch and let him decide if he wants yours or if he would prefer to get his own. Hope you feel better soon x

Irelephant Thu 29-Jan-15 17:54:38

I'm the same on co-codamol hurricane they stop my brain working.

I can see why your mam won't keep up the repayments when it's not her daughters anymore. She's offered the ex DP the option to keep up the payments and he's refused.

Take it with a clear consciounce.

Nancy66 Thu 29-Jan-15 17:54:50

Take it. Your sister's ex has agreed. he was given a choice and he made it.

you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Hurr1cane Thu 29-Jan-15 17:54:56

Haha but I quite like to stress about everyone else. She's been with him about 6 years and he's known DS most of his life so I don't want to screw him over.

Fairenuff Thu 29-Jan-15 17:55:33

He could always just buy a new throw and put that on it to tide him over.

Hurr1cane Thu 29-Jan-15 17:56:24

But as long as I'm not being unreasonable... A lovely new sofa would be very nice after this week.

I'd quite like a coach too though.

originalusernamefail Thu 29-Jan-15 17:58:57

Her exDP was offered options and he chose your old couch. Don't worry about "doing him over" - he's got what he wanted. Enjoy your fab new couch and go easy on yourself.

mynewpassion Thu 29-Jan-15 18:03:48

He's being nice because he know your mother is still paying on it. He's not being vindictive; just the opposite. Take it but you might have to get someone to pick it up

VanitasVanitatum Thu 29-Jan-15 18:07:25

He won't pay her for it, she's not going to keep paying for him to have a sofa, seems like you're helping everyone out.

Hurr1cane Thu 29-Jan-15 18:09:20

My sister has sorted a man with a van to do the swap tomorrow

badgerhammock Thu 29-Jan-15 18:11:55

Am very sorry for your loss flowers

Please take the nice couch. You're being very lovely to give him your old one at all, whatever state it's in.

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