To have my birthday my way?

[Snailinashell123]

Hi, I'm about to turn 13, and for my birthday I am having a party. Instead of my friends bringing a present, I would like them to donate to my chosen charity. My mum doesn't agree to this, and won't let me ask people to donate, on the basis that she already donates a fairly large sum to charity once a month. Is she being unreasonable, or am I?

[FoxgloveFairy]

Wow. I think if that's your request, then it is. Congrats on your upcoming birthday, and I think your birthday should be your call.

[comedycentral]

It's up to you really. Do you and your friends usually tell each other what gifts you want then? How does it work with family? Some people do like to buy a proper gift and it's good to be graceful and accept the gift.

You also have to remember that some people may not want to give to your chosen charity for their own reasons.

Enjoy your birthday

[Smoorikins]

I think that's a lovely suggestion, sibu. Her donations are not your donations.

Bear in mind, though that you can make the suggestion, but your friends might decide to buy a gift instead or as well.

[Iwantacampervan]

One of my daughter's friends did this for an animal charity which appealed to the attendees - a lovely idea. I think the guests bought a very small item as a gift too but that was their choice.
I think at 13 you are old enough to decide what you want for your birthday.

[Idontseeanysontarans]

Is this really you or a reverse by your Mum?
I think it's a lovely idea but be aware that your friends might not support your chosen charity so you might not get the support you hope for.

[diddl]

"Bear in mind, though that you can make the suggestion, but your friends might decide to buy a gift instead or as well"

i agree with this.

It's up to your friends what they do with your money.

Some might consider it rude even suggesting it unless you are asked what you want as it hints that you are expecting a gift iyswim.

[KnackeredMerrily]

Your Mum's right and asking people for gifts - presents, donations for charity, money etc is rude.

That said, you're 13. I'm sure you know your friends well enough. You can save proper etiquette for bigger events.

Happy birthday

[HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway]

You're very sweet to want to do this. Your mum should be proud of you. However, it is quite rude to ask people for gifts or try to direct them towards a particular thing. Your motivations are good but it's really not the done thing.

OTOH, if they ask you what you'd like - tell them.

Perhaps if you want to make a donation (and your mum needs to understand that her giving to charity is not you giving, you giving requires a 'loss' (iyswim) from you) perhaps ask her to give some of your pocket money to charity?

[Smoorikins]

I don't think it's rude. It would be rude if you were to ask for cash for yourself, but to say, actually I'm OK, please don't get me anything, but if you would like to do something, consider a donation to such and such charity is fine.

Not in those exact words, obviously!