I feel a bit of backstory is in order here so as not to drip feed.
I've had 7 miscarriages. I have a bicornulate uterus with a septum that isn't worth operating on apparently. My sixth loss, in August this year, was particularly awful (premature labour and pph after losing our son just a few weeks under being classed as a stillbirth, and having to cope with him being referred to as a miscarriage)
Now I was a bigger woman at the time (5ft7 16stone) and ever since August I have absolutely hated myself. I've never told anyone what I overheard a nurse say but it's been whirling around in my head constantly ever since.
I went to the ward toilet. I had one in my room but it wasn't flushing properly. And I overheard two of the nurses talking about me. One said she felt sorry for the couple (us) having so many miscarriages. And the other said 'it would probably help if she wasn't such a big girl'
I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I went back in to the room with my partner but didn't say a word. I felt/ feel so ashamed of myself, I can't get it out of my head that if I wasn't such a pig my babies might have lived.
For months I tried to skip meals, I lost a few pounds but still was eating unhealthily. The last straw was when I had my seventh miscarriage in December. I joined slimming world a few days before Christmas.
It's great, I feel healthy and I'm certainly eating better. I even exercise now! The first week I lost 7 pounds and the second week I lost 6 pounds. I was starting not to hate myself and feel happy again.
This week I've only lost one.
All the feelings have come rushing back. I feel like a failure, sick. I'm not stupid, I know it can't be half a stone a week realistically. It's making me want to skip meals/ days again and I know that's not right. So why do I feel like this?
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To be getting this stressed over losing weight?
38 replies
SlicedAndDiced · 12/01/2015 09:40
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