To think dp should stop working?(37 Posts)
not sure where to post this but I love aibu because I do get lovely advice from those on here.
some background- DP is a mechanic, Has been for just shy of a decade, over the last 6 years he has sustained multiple injuries (only one of them work related which was sorted) he now has pins in his back, 2 slipped discs, a pin in his knee and 2 pins in his shoulder. His back looks like a game of noughts and crosses. Nearly everyday now he's waking up crying in agony with his joints too stiff and painful to move. He went to the local GP and they gave him painkillers and referred him for an Xray, he went to hospital later that week for the x ray and didn't hear back (The xray was about 4 months ago) we've called 7 times and each times been told either they dont know whats happened or x y and z needs to be completed by z y and x before they have the results through, or the results mustve been sent to the wrong department which is annoying to say the least. Its effecting MY work. I'm self employed, so if I cant get the hours in I can't get money out, its basic logic. and more than 20 times in the last 7 weeks i've had to cancel work or avoid going to Last minute appointments because my partner has been too unwell to do anything for himself. Its making him depressed too as he is one of those "Get things done at all costs" sort of people. I'm having to help him walk to the toilet, undo his pants and then help him up, pull up his pants and then take him back to bed or the sofa. He cant even manage a microwave meal somedays so I have to spend time to make his food, We used to be able to get the bus to do our weekly shop, now we can't so thats an extra £10 out of our measly basic earnings of £200 (His earnings alone, mine are unpredictable some months and weeks i earn nothing), still through all of this he's managing to force himself to work at least 3 days a week (He should be working 5) but then he gets docked and we're lucky to see £110 in the bank at the end of the week. then at the end of each day he is practically paralyzed. 90% Of the time when he gets home it takes him 5 minutes to walk the 6ft between the car and the front door unless I get out to help him (dont always hear/see him) and even then i have to get him to the sofa and then the fun starts, Hourly toilet trips even tho he can manage actually "Going" if you know what you mean, making him food and helping him drink from a straw as he can't tilt his neck back to drink from a bottle sometimes, then night times fun. I have to spend at least 20 minutes switching various pillow positions to make sure he's at least moderately comfortable and sometimes I wake up to him elbowing me because he has to go to the toilet and doesn't want to topple down the stairs as he's still in pain (He has fallen on me on the stairs more than I care to admit). This doesn't stop when he has prolonged time off work. he had a month off work early 2014 due to one of the ramps in the garage failing and causing damage which needed to be repaired and nothing much changed. He was okayish sometimes but was still in pain and I was still making him food, helping him drink some days and on occasion helping him to the toilet. He is only qualified in mechanics. He has no other qualifications (Not even a GCSE to his name) His injuries are caused by boxing, 2 motorbike accidents, a work related accident and various other minorish things that have just added insult to injury. I dont believe his job is the cause of his injuries and pains however i believe it aggravates it alot. Would it be unreasonable for him to leave work and claim DLA (Or, PIP as its now called) or ESA (Not sure which he would need to claim i dont know much about it).
Have I read correctly that his injuries are due to negligence on behalf of his employer? Is he pursuing a legal claim which would at least give you some money to pay for his additional needs?
Nope, he had one work related injury where he damaged his shoulder but that was all sorted, it happened over a year ago
The ramp failing caused damage to the (Empty) Garage which all needed to be repaired, refunded etc so it was shut for a month, I dont mean to give the impression my partner was injured in that incident as he wasnt
Good grief. He should definitely be considering giving up work and applying for PIP (DLA as was) - in your situation I'd also be inclined to either push your partner's GP or ask the PALS service at the hospital to get a full case review underway to sort out what's going on and what can be done about it. Poor chap
Mumonashoestring I really want him to stop working but hes worried it'll make our already bad financial situation much worse, I'm 21 weeks with our first child (Just to make everything alot more stressful). He's planning on calling the GP at 3:30/4 today (They're open until 6 and its hard to get through earlier in the day)
He doesn't sound well enough to work at all, your poor DP And it must be very hard on you too. He should definitely apply for PIP, and if he is turned down, he must appeal - many are turned down who shouldn't be and win on appeal because the system is a shambles.
It would also be good to keep chasing the hospital/GP, possibly with some advocacy (maybe PALS) on your side or the threat of an official complaint, if that would light a fire under someone because that whole situation sounds ridiculous.
As a small practical matter that might help, could you get your groceries delivered? Tesco do a delivery plan that's only £3 a month for weekly deliveries, you can have as many deliveries as you want for that £3 as long as they are on Tuesday, Wednesday or Friday and at least £25 worth each. It might save you some money.
Sorry, that bit about the delivery plan wasn't clear, it's £3 a month and you can have as many deliveries as you want for that but only on Tues, Weds or Thurs, and you must spend at least £25. Which is very easy to do if you're doing your weekly shop.
I'm looking into PALS now, thanks for the suggestion
Unfortunately we can't have deliveries as there are no stores within x amount of distance that do deliver, only click and collect (Which I have to do so I can drive down with DP in the car and i'm only gone for 5 minutes getting the shopping and loading it into the car rather than leaving him in the car for an hour). We used to get the bus at £3 each but now I need to use the car which costs About £10 in fuel plus the extra charge for click and collect (not much but it all adds up).
It's clear the situation can't continue and he needs treatment fast. It's going to get to the point where he's completely immobilised. He's let things drift far too much, he needs to get himself sorted now, quickly before the baby comes. Chances are there are a good few things that could done for him to ease his pain and improve his mobility, but he must insist and ask and go back and generally be a pain in the arse until something is done. Don't accept this bullshit about lost x-rays - put in a complaint asap about that, as it's just not good enough.
Good luck. This isn't necessarily as good as it's going to get. Hang on in there.
Why does your DP have to go in the car with you to collect the shopping?
Cailindana because Its a half an hour drive there and a half an hour drive back. Thats a minimum of 1hr 10min, I'm not comfortable with him being on his own for that length of time when he can be so ill. If hes moderately ok he will stay home and do whatever but most days he has to come with.
What is he actually doing at work if he cant do anything for himself at home? Surely his employers will be mightily pissed off at paying a man to not move all day? Dont they have a responsibility to him and the other staff to put him make him stay off?
If you are only gone for 5 minutes to pick up the shopping in the car then there is no way that should be costing £10 in fuel! If it is there is something seriously wrong with your car.
SurlyCue (Your username makes my brain hurt for some reason) He forces himself to do as much as possible, This is normally stuff such as MOT's, assisting on winter services, tyre changes and assisting on various jobs, advising customers etc (and trust me he had to work bloody hard to get his boss to let him do that!) this means he's twice as bad when he walks in. by the end of the week if hes done a 4 day or more week i spend the weekend and evenings playing nurse non stop
Surlycue it takes me 30 minutes to drive there O.o I'm away from the car for 5 minutes sorting everything out upon arrival. its a one hour round trip, theres nothing wrong with my car
I think he'll need a diagnosis before being granted any benefits. So you really need to get the xray sorted as a priority.
Good idea to involve PALS.
Ah i misread that as the journey taking 5 minutes while you left DP rather than the 5 minutes you were in the shop.
Being honest with you if he can 'force' himself to change tyres and carry out services then i think he could do more at home for himself and is perhaps just happy for you to do what you do for him. Changing a tyre is heavy work even with the equipment they have.
the shops half an hour away, the 5 mins is time collecting the click.
Nope, if my car is using a gallon and a half of fuel on a 5min journey there is something really wrong.
He can, but he damages himself doing so and the longer it goes on the worse it gets. 2 years ago this was a bit of back ache now and then and its getting progressively worse and I fear he's going to end up housebound or in a wheelchair, thats not a life i'd wish on my worst enemy.
This situation sounds awful, but there are a few things which don't make sense to me. I can't understand how he can possibly do anything at all as a mechanic if he can't walk. And secondly, do tesco etc not offer delivery to anywhere in the uk (I've never checked, just presume they would)?
He can walk, but with difficulty, so after a 5hr day in work (Doing much lighter work than usual) he is unable to hobble more than 5ft without help from someone.
Tesco, asda etc offer delivery within x amount of certain stores that provide delivery. I'm one of the few pockets that dont have a delivery option
I promise i'm not illiterate.
Offer delivery within x amount of distance.
I'm IN one of the few pockets
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