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To be upset and extremely angry?

(39 Posts)
FoxgloveFairy Mon 05-Jan-15 08:40:15

Friend invited me for a cuppa with herself and some of her friends. MY friend and myself are childless. Neither of us were able to have children. I didn't know the other women there, so they had no idea whether I had children or not, but I can only assume that they assumed I did. My friend left the room and they began talking about how she was "barren", not a fully fledged woman and her cats are child substitutes. Okay, she is a bit nuts about them! Do women truly look at other childless women that way? I am a bit teary here, because for some reason, it hit me hard. Not sure why. I've known since my teens that there wouldn't be any kids. The cruelty I heard was nauseating. I feel incredibly angry for my friend- these women were in her home accepting her hospitality. I don't know if I should have said anything. I just sat there and didn't join in as I didn't feel like sharing my situation with these jackals.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Mon 05-Jan-15 08:42:21


FoxgloveFairy Mon 05-Jan-15 08:47:19

Honest to God. I could not believe it. I have never heard anything like it.

ViviPru Mon 05-Jan-15 08:49:02

You should have said something. You didn't need to disclose details of your own circumstances to defend your friend.

GlitzAndGigglesx Mon 05-Jan-15 08:51:37

As a mother no I would never look at childless women that way and didn't know others did hmm. Whatever her reason for not having children is not something to be sneered at

thecatfromjapan Mon 05-Jan-15 08:51:37

I'm 50. I've only come across this kind of talk in the Bible (minus the cats).

LadyLuck10 Mon 05-Jan-15 08:52:07

Why would women who don't know you suddenly gossip in front of you, without knowing if you would tell your friend. That's hard to believe.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Mon 05-Jan-15 08:52:19

I would have said something about how fucking nasty they were being.

Lj8893 Mon 05-Jan-15 08:55:35

Why didn't you challenge them??

ChelsyHandy Mon 05-Jan-15 08:57:41

My friend left the room and they began talking about how she was "barren", not a fully fledged woman and her cats are child substitutes

Did you wander into a 5th Century Saxon village by mistake?

MarthaCostello Mon 05-Jan-15 08:59:05

You didn't join in, but you also didn't defend your friend! hmm

CaptainAnkles Mon 05-Jan-15 09:00:08

That's nasty to the point where I find it hard to believe that a group of women could sit there and say such things about their friend and host.

FoxgloveFairy Mon 05-Jan-15 09:00:11

It does sound hard to believe. Biblical! These are not ( to my knowledge) women belonging to any weird religious sect either. I should have said something but to be honest was a) shocked and b) didn't trust myself not to lose it really at the time. I certainly have never heard anyone use the word barren before either, except in historical books/movies or talking about cattle.

dorasee Mon 05-Jan-15 09:00:11

Oh they sound vile!! I have kids and I have lots of childless friends. Some of my friends have chosen not to have kids, some just can't have them. It never occurs to me to define my friends as childless or as mothers. It just really makes me so angry and sad to read what you heard. I'd tell your 'barren' friend the truth about her 'lovely' friends, even if it's hurtful to her. She must not mix with such toxic women. With friends like that, who needs enemies, as the saying goes.

pinkdelight Mon 05-Jan-15 09:02:34

I imagine she was too shocked and upset to challenge them. It sounds awful.

londonrach Mon 05-Jan-15 09:02:36

You braver than me id be crying in front of these horrible woman. They soon know. flowers

loveareadingthanks Mon 05-Jan-15 09:04:58

No, I've certainly never thought that way about women without children. I have heard 'barren' before, in connection to a rather extreme church having a special service for 'barren' women coming for healing and prayers for children. I did ask the person why they didn't also have a service for infertile men to come for 'healing' then, doesn't their church understand biology and how it could be the man's health problem instead, and the conversation didn't end terribly well to be honest.

They sound like witches. Especially with the not a proper woman comment. In one way I feel sorry for them if they think womanhood is tied into popping out babies, aren't we so much more than that these days? But warn your friend - these women are NOT her friends.

dorasee Mon 05-Jan-15 09:05:45

Oh and I can understand why you didn't challenge them at the time. You were probably having a "am I really hearing this?" moment. Also you wouldn't want your friend to walk back into the room in the middle if a flaming row. Best to tell her quietly and allow her to make an informed decision as to whether or not she wants to continue seeing these so called friends. Ultimately it's up to her.

BallsforEarrings Mon 05-Jan-15 09:08:32

I am so sorry you went through that, and that is NOT normal behaviour, they seem very strange and seem to share a skewed belief about women and their value just between themselves!

YoullLikeItNotaLot Mon 05-Jan-15 09:10:19

If this happened, you wouldn't have needed to challenge them. You could have just stood up, looked at them pointedly then silently leftthe room.

ConfusedInBath Mon 05-Jan-15 09:13:49

That's a bit strange isn't it?

RyanAirVeteran Mon 05-Jan-15 09:15:15

God, you couldn't make it up.

lemonsandleeks Mon 05-Jan-15 09:16:08

I'm a childless stepmum, and people have said this sort of thing about me in front of me, "poor lemons, she's got no life, she'll never know what real love is" etc. The mind boggles, but there are some people with odd (and hurtful) ideas out there.

FreeSpirit89 Mon 05-Jan-15 09:16:28

As both a mother and a woman who is struggling to conceive a second time I would never dream of saying anything of the sort.

And 'baron' how terribly medieval of them. I would have said something to be honest, as much as I love my son spearing your legs and poping out a sprocket doesn't make you anymore important!

Hatespiders Mon 05-Jan-15 09:20:30

Well I'm a 'barren' woman shock whose always been cat-mad, and I'm absolutely horrified and shocked that any women could say such things about anyone in this day and age. Bloody 'barren'?? There are many many women who by choice or misfortune have no children. Why should it be a topic for mockery or gossip? I'm afraid I'm outspoken and being older would have had quite a bit to say to these nasty 'friends'. I can understand though op that you were so taken aback that you didn't speak out.
Utterly despicable, ignorant and spiteful.

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