Hi all....I know IABU but I just need to ask!
Two months ago I gave birth to my wonderful DS so probably PFB but while DH's parents are doting, excited new grandparents they've done so much to annoy me in the past two months it's unbelievable! Firstly I don't trust them at all to babysit, obviously this annoys DH to no end because I simply don't let it happen, it's gotten to the point where I simply can't watch them around DS, I don't want them around him!! The big reasons I don't trust them are as followed:
1# MIL has apparently been accused of hitting a child in a past job. She told me this because of a family feud where another relative accused her of being a child abuser!
2# Their home is filthy. Dust and dirt everywhere, rotten food and boxes of junk and mold growing everywhere. FIL has admitted they're hoarders but doesn't do anything about it.
3# MIL is overly needy and clingy so of course she's the same with my DS! If she's holding him and I go over to even say hello or kiss DS I get told to "go away this is granny time." No she's not joking she's also done this to my DH and only lets PIL near her and DS. She calls him "my son" or "my wee son" and points to FIL and says "There's daddy!". She constantly asks about babysitting and him staying over night while I've always refused she keeps going and saying stupid hints to DS about staying over like "Yes my wee son, it'll be just me and you some night let me tell you." Yes yes a baby understands that of course 
Yes, some of this is petty but it does grind on my nerves because it feels as if she's over stepping boundaries and trying to take my place as a mother....
On the other hand I don't believe in hitting children as a punishment and she has stated on numerous times "he's my grandson and if his parents aren't there I'll discipline him." And she hasn't explained the accusation of her hitting a child or how it was resolved just that she was accused.
DH obviously does believe the accusation about his mother because "She's not strong enough." So of course she's not capable of such a thing!
Please give your opinions ladies I'm going to go mad if all of this goes on!
AIBU?
To not let IL's babysit...
mamabear220 · 01/01/2015 20:48
Thank you girls it's good to have some kind of supprt! DH thinks that his parents are harmless and because he grew up in that house/I've been there that it should be good enough for DS.
He has a biased opinion of his parents obviously so there's nothing I can do to convince him but I refuse to endanger DS so it causes do much fights with us! With a new baby it's so hard
#1 is hearsay, but I'd want to hear further details from her before I came to a decision.
#2 I wouldn't take my baby into the house, let alone leave my baby there.
#3 she tells you to go away 
? I'd have told her to get the fuck out of my house at that point.
Your DS is 2 months old. I don't think my DS was babysat until he was about a year old. And I have never understood the desire to have a child overnight. My grannies never had me overnight so it just seems a little - weird - to me. But even though lots of people do it, it isn't compulsory 
.
And how in god's name did the conversation come round to 'disciplining' a baby? Disciplining a child (e.g. a stern talking to) has to happen within the context of the child having knowingly done something 'wrong'. How can the idea of disciplining arise when considering a 2 month old? Sheesh.
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Ladies DH has always been a 'mummys boy' so he is not going to listen on the front of his parents, I know this. He has said that if he were in fact to say something to PIL it would make me seem selfish and possessive of DS.
Whereyou, MIL admitted to me that she was accused of hitting a child though the only reason she did admit it was because this family member told me she was a child abuser and MIL got wind of it so it really makes me nervous, especially because I know she believes in spanking children, as she says to DH "I used to beat the shite out of you and it did you no harm." She probably was being dramatic but she has admitted spanking her own child.
I've tried to be diplomatic and polite for DH but his parents especially MIL still act this way and I have no idea how to phrase it! From telling her no babysitting to telling her to stop with the my son comments. What would you all say? 
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