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AIBU?

to keep old photos of exes?

43 replies

Thegreatweddingdressdilemma · 09/12/2014 12:50

Sorting through some old photos and there are some of me with various exes over the years. Nothing dodgy just holiday snaps etc.

AIBU to keep them? I don't really look at them ever, but it feels sad to throw them away, not because of the exes (they are all ancient history now and I am totally smitten with DP soon to be DH) but because the photos remind me of my youth and a time when I was carefree and travelled a lot and hung out and got drunk with friends.......a time before mortgage rates and TTC took over our lives.

I don't have days on end to sort through all the photos (there are literally several thousand) and just delete the photos featuring exes and I don't want to do a mass delete (all the photos I am talking about are stored electronically). Do you still have photos featuring exes? Is it reasonable?

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SaucyJack · 09/12/2014 12:58

I don't keep photos of exes (with the exception of photos of the older DDs and their dad) and I'm not ecstatic that DP has photos of his exes either.

I just don't really want the reminders. All my exes are long gone, for various reasons. I prefer to live in the present.

NamesNick · 09/12/2014 12:58

totally reasonable to keep photos.
I bet your children will have a laugh looking at them in years to come.
Keep them. Everyone has a past, and it's part of your life which led you to where you are today.

CheeseBuster · 09/12/2014 12:58

Yes it's perfectly reasonable to look back at you past and remember the good times. You can't erase history. As long as they are just normal pics, maybe get rid of any too cutesy/ kissing photos or dirty ones.

AnotherGirlsParadise · 09/12/2014 13:22

I'm with SaucyJack on this, for all the same reasons.

I keep absolutely no reminders of any exes and wouldn't appreciate it if my DP did either. I focus on the present and the future - I'm far more interested in making new memories with DP than reminiscing over old ones with exes past.

Andrewofgg · 09/12/2014 13:27

I have a few group photos where the ex is there but so are friends. None of ex alone or ex and me.

Andrewofgg · 09/12/2014 13:29

I also have a book given by an ex and signed by her which would be difficult to replace - DW knows and does not mind!

Failedspinster · 09/12/2014 13:36

if they're innocent group pics, then I can see why you'd want them but personally I'd get rid. Exes are exes and the future beckons, especially if you're marrying your DP soon :)

My mum kept letters and a photo from an ex she was with when they were teenagers. This only came to light relatively recently and I'm presuming neither my dad nor my stepdad ever saw them, so they must have been well hidden. They would certainly have caused a massive row if either my dad or my stepdad had ever come across them! i guess, if you decide to keep them you need to think about how your DP would see them - and whether keeping the photos is worth the row that might result.

MinnieM1 · 09/12/2014 13:39

How silly, you can't erase your whole past just because you're getting married, you had a life before your husband! I presume your husband doesn't think you were a virgin when you met and knows you had exes? So what's a few photos in an album in a cupboard that are hardly looked at?
Of course you should keep them

CheeseBuster · 09/12/2014 13:40

Gosh, well i still have love letters from my first boyfriend, they're lovely! Your past is what's led to your present and is what has made you who you are.

I guess all my exes were great guys but we just weren't meant to be together maybe it's different if your exes were bad men or you stayed with someone too long and it went sour? There is not one I wouldn't go for a drink with if I bumped into tomorrow.

ProveMeWrong · 09/12/2014 13:40

I think it's up to you but for me they just carry bad juju! I like to open a cupboard and know there are no ghosts and skeletons in there. If they happen to be in a photo of a broader context, ok. I only keep photos that make me feel happy now.

SaucyJack · 09/12/2014 13:46

I think the good memories are even worse to have hanging around meself cheese

Do I really want reminding of how fit a couple of them were, or how much fun I used to have when I was young and free? No. I do not.

overslept · 09/12/2014 13:49

I think you would be unreasonable to throw them all away. Why not keep them? What reason is there to get rid of them? They are memories and not something you need to be ashamed of. Deleting pictures won't make your ex's not exist and if your DP is hugely offended by it then it is him who has the issues. As you said, it is not as if you look at them all the time or long after the past. Remember once they are gone they are gone for good, you can't get them back. I have old letters and a few old pictures, if my DP told me to throw them out I'd look at him as if he had lost his mind and tell him what he could do with that notion.

CheeseBuster · 09/12/2014 13:51

You don't even like to remember a great gig you went to or times travelling the world just because you and the person you were with didn't end happily every after saucy?
I think that's sad that you are cutting out your entire past. Fair enough don't keep photos of you giving ex titwanks but a group photo at a festival or of a great Xmas. Why not?

munchkin2902 · 09/12/2014 14:11

Keep them if you want to. I have a photo album which has pictures of my exes, old friends, uni in it. My partner doesn't give two hoots if he's ever even given it a second thought - we're not jealous teenagers, it happened. Also - I look young, slim and hot and would like to keep the evidence!

whois · 09/12/2014 14:51

I think it's a shame to pretend whole periods of your life didn't happen just because you're relationship didn't last.

Our experiences make us who we are, as do the people we know.

I can see that you wouldn't want a romantic beach picture of you and am ex if that was the holiday you found out he was a cheating scum bag. But to forever delete all photos of your post uni trip round Thailand with then boyfriend? (Or whatever) That's a shame.

angelos02 · 09/12/2014 15:01

YANBU. I wouldn't throw out photos of exes in the same way as I wouldn't throw out pictures of old friends I have lost contact with. As a PP said, they are part of who I have become. Throwing a photo or letter in the bin doesn't make part of your life un-happen.

Scholes34 · 09/12/2014 15:41

It would be quite bonkers to throw them away. The DCs find it fascinating that I had other boyfriends before DH.

formerbabe · 09/12/2014 16:29

I keep photos of exes not because I miss them or have feelings for them...I don't. More because they remind me of different stages of my life.

incognitonc · 09/12/2014 16:35

YANBU, when I broke up with my first boyfriend my mum showed me some pictures of her ex boyfriends and told me that when she was young she made her fair share of mistakes. It was a really fun bonding experience and a real laugh as she went through a rocker stage! Me and dsis reffered to the pics as dm's 'ex files' I wouldn't be bothered if DH had pictures of his exes, so long as they weren't hung up in frames or made into a little shrine!

JohnFarleysRuskin · 09/12/2014 16:35

We've both got boxes of stuff from when we were young inc love letters photos etc. I don't particularly go through them but I don't want to throw them away.

EbwyIsUpTheDuff · 09/12/2014 16:39

I have photos of my exes... Mostly in the loft tbh with most of my pre-digital photos. But I won't get rid, any more than I'd expect my partner to get rid of pictures of his ex. Everyone has a past, and the photos show part of our life stories.

apotatoprintinapeartree · 09/12/2014 16:40

I don't have pictures of x's as I like to live in present and would never look at them anyway.
If there was one with lots of friends in, then maybe I'd keep this but others were well gone with the x in question.

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JohnFarleysRuskin · 09/12/2014 16:44

Having photos in the cupboard in no way prevents me living in the present!

wheresthelight · 09/12/2014 17:08

I have a fee photos of me with exes lying around, I think it's nice to remember that at somepoint the time with them wasn't all bad and also they remind me of some really happy times in my life.

BeetlebumShesAGun · 09/12/2014 17:30

I have a shoebox of nice things from exes somewhere I think...unless I threw it out in the move. Nothing weird, as far as I remember it includes some poetry my "tortured artist" first serious boyfriend wrote me, some photos and gig tickets. I keep all things like that, I'm a sentimental old thing!

Nothing wrong with it IMO unless it really bothers your DP. I don't understand why exes bother people - they are usually exes for a reason

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