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AIBU?

to be dreading this but think my house, my DC, my rules?

70 replies

unlucky83 · 07/12/2014 20:19

My 'MIL' (not married but been together for 20 yrs) is coming for a visit.
She lives overseas and this will be the third time she has visited.
She was emotionally and physically abusive to DP when he was a child and he was no contact for years but decided for himself not to be bitter. She did have a hard life, DP's dad was an alcoholic who used to beat her etc...and she had MH problems - not much of an excuse but some. She phones him every so often, he won't phone her. She did mention she might come to visit and DP said fine, she phoned last Thursday saying she is coming tomorrow for 4 days. A major hassle - she will stay with us (suggested a hotel to DP but he said that would be awkward for her) my house is in chaos, floors need mopping, presents need buying and DCs have got Christmas stuff, parties, extra performances etc. And I will have to rearrange everyone's sleeping arrangements to make space for her. To cap it all I've hurt my back (again!) and have a stinking cold.
When she came before DP tried to avoid her -worked a lot etc and I found her really hard work. She doesn't speak English and she has no real interest in the DDs....very selfish eg got bored when DD's were at a pleasant outdoor play area and lied so we had to leave within 5 mins of getting there. DD's had to hang around the house instead, she didn't want us to go out without her! She didn't help, just made work for me etc. DP has taken time off this time (after I threatened to go to a hotel instead) but he does find it difficult to put his foot down with her (bear in mind she used to terrorise him.)

All this is a bad enough but what is really getting to me is she has become religious. Their background is Muslim but DP wasn't brought up with any faith - for eg they ate pork, never set foot in a mosque etc. She has taken to sending DP religious texts, copies of the Koran, how to pray books etc. She has asked if the DDs have been to the mosque (DP doesn't even know where it is!)
I was brought up christian but am a non believer - (although my DCs go to the local Sunday school, have done for years - the people at the church know I don't believe, it is just across the road, I thought it would be good for DD1 to learn about religion - but they love going, really like the leader (who has watched DD1 grow up) - I do feel awkward sometimes but don't think it is a major problem)
I used to be able to talk to MIL, ignoring the language difficulties, but have found it increasing difficult. For example she once phoned to speak to DP and then we had a 'little chat' - how was I, did I eat well? did I eat meat? did I eat ham - did DP eat ham? and then how we mustn't, pigs were dirty animals etc. She got her friend to phone me and ask if DP was circumcised 'in the muslim way' (he is - she got him done at 11-12 or something - she can't remember - I posted on here about it at the time - I was so shocked!)
Finally she has told DP that she thinks I don't let him speak to her - don't tell him when she has called. That I am opening his post and not giving him the things she sends....(none of which is true)
I am planning on trying to keep the peace but suspect we are going to fall out. I think part of the reason she is coming is to stop my bad influence on DP ..or even to make me see the errors of my ways.
I know it is only 4 days but AIBU to think my house, my rules and if she doesn't like she can go to a hotel.... I am dreading this, don't like confrontation.
To be clear this is not specifically anti-Islam - I'm sure I'd feel the same if she was a born again Christian or a Jehovah's witness or Jewish etc trying to stick her beliefs down my throat...

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Phoenixfrights · 07/12/2014 20:25

I would think the religious nutbaggery would be the least of your worries in any case. Having an abuser in the house.... big problem. I feel for you. I think I'd be insisting she stays in a hotel.