To put a bolt on my bedroom door!

[BadIdeaGenes]

I'm in quite a complicated situation with my landlord at the moment. I live in a shared house with her and another friend. The house belongs to her parents and it's her first time living away from home. They are used to renting properties and she's never done it before and acts much more like a tenant of theirs than our landlord most of the time. Because of this whenever we have queries about rent or maintenance matters we have been given contact details for her parents and go to them.

Apart from previous grievances over never turning the heating on and her not pulling her weight with the housework, the current issue concerns my privacy.

Me and my other housemate went on a weekend away a couple of weeks ago. We knew that she was having a first date that weekend and inviting him round. I had a niggling thought in the back of my head that if she wanted to shag this guy (a whole other issue), she would use my bed (her parents wanted to maximise the rent so she has the box room with a high sleeper whereas I rent the master bedroom). I therefore arranged a few items on my freshly made bed and took a photo for future reference. At the time, I felt incredibly guilty about even thinking that of her.

When we got back I noticed as soon as I walked in that something wasn't right. Despite her careful replacing of each and every item, I could tell that every part of my bed had been disturbed, especially when cross referenced with my photo. Even the bedside lamp!
And upon closer inspection there was a mystery stain in the middle of the bed!

The next morning I told her very firmly that she needed to wash my sheets, she tried to play it off at first, but after realising my anger she did this.

The problem now is that she mentioned in passing that she's holding a new years eve party in the house. Me and my other housemate are spending the holidays away with our families.

My gut tells me the only way I will be sure that my privacy is maintained is if I install a lock on my door, however to do this I would have to screw into the wood which requires permission from her mother. I know that she will ask why I want a lock and to explain the situation to her feels very much like childish telling tales.

My other option is to sit my landlord down and tell her firmly that it is unacceptable for her or anyone else to go into my room. But how do I make sure that when I come back in the new year I know if she's been in my room?

I've lost my peace of mind and could really do with some advice!

[asmallandnoisymonkey]

This is TOTALLY unacceptable - how old is she? She's behaving like a child. I'm not sure of the legal whys and wherefores, however I'm sure someone will be along shortly. You have my total sympathy though!

[CaulkheadUpNorth]

Do you rent per room or the house. If you rent per room then I understand you need to have a lock. Maybe even it's legally right, I'm not entirely sure though.

[KnackeredMuchly]

In a houseshare I would expect every bedroom to have a lock. Yanbu to insist.

If questioned just say you're paying for a private bedroom and you want privacy

[Idontlikepeas]

To be honest, I think you are better treating her parents as our landlord and treating her as just another tenant. So, contact her mum and say you want a lock to ensure your privacy and security for your belongings. Some contents insurance requires it so that could be one line you could take.

If they want more information or refuse then I think you need to just tell them your privacy has been invaded and to ask their daughter for the details. I wouldn't feel too bad about it, it's fairly disgusting to leave bodily fluids on someone else's bed

[BadIdeaGenes]

Technically I'm a lodger because the contract was easier for them to draw up. So I rent my room and shared use of the kitchen, bathroom and front room. However my Lodgers Agreement states that she will give 24hrs notice before entering my room, so this was a breech of contract.

[holidaysarenice]

Actually you need to realise she is not your landlord.

Her parents own the hose, you pay your rent to them. They deal with maintenance. They are your landlord she is your flatmate.

Squabbles over heating and housework are between flatmates and not for landlords. I'm surprised they even took you on.

Asking for a bolt is for your landlord and not your flatmate to sort. Ask for a bolt, say you don't want anyone in your room.

[holidaysarenice]

It's a very common situation with students to be in a houses hate where one persons parent owns it.

[SpringBreaker]

Is she actually a friend of yours too? She's not really the landlord, her parents are by the sounds of it.

[TimelyNameChangey]

Yes. Cease to think of her as a landlord. She's immature and the parents seem to do the management. Install a lock. Tell the parents before you do it.

[BadIdeaGenes]

The reason I say that she's my landlord is that although they bought the house and consider it theirs, her name is on the deed, and our contacts are signed with her, not them. We've never approached them with squabbles, the only times I've ever contacted her parents are when I needed to change the account my rent comes out of and when our boiler broke down. The rest we sort between us like adults.

[CarbeDiem]

Write something up and print it off for her to sign.
Tell her that you did consider going to straight to her parents but you'd rather she sorted it out before you had to go as far as informing them that their daughter massively breached your privacy by shagging in your bed, so you'd now like a lock.

I, BadIdea have requested permission to install a lock on my bedroom door for privacy reasons. Dated, signed by her and better, witnessed by someone else.

What an utter cheeky skank she is.

[Cubtrouble]

1. Look for somewhere else to live.
   
2. The parents are the landlord. Call tell them their daughter shagged in YOUR bed and that she is a disgusting ass. Demand a lock be allowed to be fitted. Be prepared to rectify damage on leaving.
   
3. I am sure I've seen a "no fixings" type of lock that fits over the frame with a combination lock. Google this.
   
4. See item 1.
   

What on earth does this girl think she playing at.

[ReadyToBreak]

What cubtrouble says.

It sounds like her parents are your landlord, not her, and if you're in a fixed term then you may struggle to leave without financial penalty.

What a skanky girl.

[BadIdeaGenes]

Fortunately I'm moving out at the end of July, but between now and then I don't have the time or money to look for another place. I just need to figure out what to do in the short term so that I can have some peace of mind that my space is my space and not being invaded by strangers

[FannyFanakapan]

buy one of these: templock

[MinceSpy]

Look at your lease, are you a lodger or a tenant? The answer makes a huge difference.

[ArcheryAnnie]

That templock looks brilliant, and since it is not attached to anything, should not need permission from the landlord, whoever they are.

(I'd go with the "I need it for my contents insurance" excuse if you are challenged.)

[Purplepoodle]

I would be contacting her parents. Tell them you want a lock in the door and exactly why - she went into your room without your permission whilst u were away and had sex on your bed. It's not a squabble, it's disgusting a an invasion of your privacy

[Looseleaf]

I'd go for the Templock, that looks fantastic for this. Poor you op!

[PausingFancy]

Agree that you need to check carefully whether you're a tenant or a lodger.

Can you tell her parents you need the lock without being explicit that it was their DD who was shagging in your bed?

They won't know the other tenant was away at the same time, and you can also make vague reference to parties and people's friends being around, and you don't want your bed used like that again.

[Cauliflowersneeze1]

100% with purplepoodle she invaded your space , let her deal with the consequences

[TallulahTwinkletoes]

Fuck that. I'd go with 'your daughters at damp who fucked someone in MY bed and didn't wash the sheets until prompted'

[BadIdeaGenes]

I'm a lodger, sorry, not a tenant.

The temp lock looks really good! My only worry is about the cost of it and what to say if the issue gets raised by her or her mother.

I've go to be honest and say I'm quite an introvert and can be a bit of a wuss when it comes to confrontation. I suffer from long term anxiety and depression which is making me mull everything over in my head and work myself up over the whole thing!

Unfortunately if it comes up, I think they will know that we were both away, and only her daughter was around. I'm not sure how much she shares with her mother and how events are told from their viewpoint.

One thing I've learnt is never to house share with the 'landlord', even if they are your friend to begin with.

[TallulahTwinkletoes]

A dirty tramp not at damp.

Could you move out? Are you genuinely friends with the 'landlord'?

Your relationship would definitely sour if you told her parents.

[BadIdeaGenes]

That's what I'm worried about Tallulah, we study on the same course and I'm going to have to live here until July, so I was hoping of finding some way of feeling that my privacy and things were secure without ruining our relationship.