AIBU to cancel Christmas on Christmas day?

[ILoveFrogs]

I am having surgery on the 19th of Dec, it is to remove my large bowel due to years of active Crohn's, it's basically my only solution now to get better after a rough few years, average stay in hospital after surgery is 7-10 days, so basically it is looking very likely I'm going to be in on Christmas day, very upsetting and very unfortunate but I'm trying to look at the bigger picture because I need this surgery, quality of my life and my families life will a lot better, just unfortunate it's came about at this time of year.

I have a 5 year old DS, so as you can imagine it's a bit of a sad thought that I'm not going to be there on Christmas morning to see him open his presents. I have suggested to DP that we could maybe have Christmas day a few days later, once I'm out of hospital. He doesn't think this is a good idea. He says that he would feel sad for DS and feel like DS is missing out, plus he is a bit concerned about DS waking up on Christmas morning to no presents, my argument is that DS only knows it's Christmas morning because we tell him it is, it could still be 'Christmas morning' two, three days later.

DP and DS will be going to my mums on Christmas day, I've said he of course should still open all the presents from them as 'early' Christmas presents and my family have said they will not go ott mentioning Christmas at the meal, and to him it'll just be a pre Christmas family get together. I should also mention that he won't be getting extended families presents until a few days after Christmas anyway as my auntie has an annual party where we do gift swapping on the 27th, pretty much around the time I'd be hoping to be out for.

My DP is really not keen on the idea and I'm absolutely not going to force the issue, I was wrapping his presents yesterday and I was just hit with a deep sadness that I'm not going to see his face as he opens them. I genuinely don't know if I'm being a bit selfish and unreasonable, I really need an outsiders perspective on this and I am willing to accept it if IABU. I know that in the grand scheme of things there are mothers and children worse off than me, but it's making me a bit sad nonetheless. Thanks.

[Summerisle1]

I hope your surgery and recovery goes well.

So far as Christmas is concerned, while I can understand your sadness about not being home with your DS, I'd be inclined to celebrate Christmas twice rather than ask everyone else to try and forgo the day themselves. Keep some presents back until you are home and have another special and Christmassy day.

[Thistles24]

YANBU. Is there any chance that you could have him open presents at the hospital? That way you get to be part of it and he still gets Christmas on Christmas Day. He may be more aware of the date than you think- advent calendars make sure of that! Good luck with the op

[Stripyhoglets]

You could have him unwrap some of his presents from you/santa on Christmas Day and then do another proper Christmas once you are home and have him unwrap the rest of the presents. If he gets some presents Christmas Day with things from family, I think it will be enough to keep him going till he gets to do Christmas with you after.

[yellowdinosauragain]

I can see both sides. I work in a job where I might have to work at Christmas. In fact I did before my sons were born and then we just had Christmas on another day. I think at his age though this will be a bit tricky to pull off.

Why don't you celebrate Christmas with your dh and ds before you go into hospital? An early Christmas will be more exciting I should imagine and you could have a nice meal together and share your presents to each other so you get to see him open them. Santa could still come on Christmas morning and then your family will be able to celebrate Christmas properly. Could this be a compromise?

[AnotherStitchInTime]

It will be fine. Your ds won't mind having two Christmases.

I was in HDU last Christmas and couldn't be with dd1 (then 4) and dd2 (then 22 months). They had Christmas with my extended family and Boxing Day with DH's family and had a great time. We celebrate Orthodox Christmas on the 7th of January so had a nice family meal once I was home. They opened their presents from me on Christmas Day with my family and DH. I didn't mind as I wanted them to have a nice time after all the stress and worry of the previous months. You could save some presents back for when you are home for your ds to open if you prefer. I brought baby ds home, he made a nice present.

[ILoveFrogs]

Keeping presents back probably is the sensible thing to do, I'm just going to miss the excitement that only happens on Christmas morning. I know the smaller presents can be opened in hospital but I just think that him seeing me post surgery and the hospital environment will take away some of the 'magic' of the day. He has seen me quite a few times in hospital due to my illness, and it makes him sad and upset as well, I don't want that feeling to be associated with Christmas Day .... Maybe I'm just overthinking this?!

Thanks for the well wishes

[JustHavinABreak]

First off, no I don't think yabu. Of course you're feeling sad that it might not work out that you'll see DS open his gifts.

It sounds like family won't be a problem in that they will try to be discreet around him but something might slip out and how much worse would you feel if he got it into his head that Santa had been to everyone else and not to him?

How about this though? Maybe you could keep a few bits back so that the first night you're home again after the operation Santa could stop by again. Most unconventional but needs must! Perhaps he could leave a note for DS to say that he was terribly sorry but these presents were found in the sleigh when they got back to the North Pole so he had come by to drop them off. That way you would be there for the surprise.

Either way, really hope it all goes well for you x

[owlonabike]

If your DS is not allowed to visit you, perhaps your DP could video him opening his presents, and when you've watched his video you could do one for him. (Don't suppose Skype is feasible) Also , Father Christmas could leave a note explaining that certain presents are special ones for when mummy comes home.

I hope everything goes well for you.

[owlonabike]

Sorry, cross posted a bit there.

[BackforGood]

I think it best to let him open the present from Father Christmas on Christmas day morning, then get dh to bring him in to show you those, but suggest to him that you save yours, dh's and his from each other, until after you are out of hospital.
Surely he can have one Christmas Day (with Grandparents etc) on the 25th, and then another one with you 5 days later ?
Nowt wrong with having 2

Hope all goes well - you never know, they may let you home, they do their best to try to get people home for Christmas.

[ILoveFrogs]

Yellowdinosauragain - DPs issue is he wants DS to open all 'santas' toys on Christmas morning, so I think his feelings on an early Christmas will be the same. My mum is making me a Christmas dinner the weekend before I go in for my op though, so at least I'll still get Christmas dinner

JustHavingABreak - that probably does seem like the best solution, I'd still get to see the excitement that Santa has visited him twice, that is definitely sometime I'll run by DP.

Thanks for all your responses, some really great ideas to mull over.

[ILoveFrogs]

Two Christmases is the best solution, what child wouldn't want that! I think I am probably being a little bit selfish, I would imagine if he did find out that it was Christmas day and he received nothing from Santa he would be very upset, and it's going to be an upsetting time for him anyway, if hate to add to that.

Hopefully it is a none issue, providing I heal well and the stoma nurse is happy with me I could be out, I'm just looking at worst case scenario to avoid disappointment. Thanks again for all your replies.

[TendonQueen]

I think the two Christmases idea is good. I have had this op myself and some years on I am doing very well - it took me 10 days to be released afterwards. I bet you will very soon feel the benefits but you can't rush yourself out of hospital and as you say, it's all about the long term gains. Very best to you and your family.

[TendonQueen]

Just to add - it didn't take years for me to feel the benefits! I had been very ill in the lead-up and was back at work about 6 weeks after the op, though taking it easy, and feeling much better by then.

[AnotherStitchInTime]

I understand that feeling. That is why I didn't let my kids visit me in HDU on Christmas Day. I just saw them once I was home.

I hope it all goes well for you.

As my consultant said to me "there will be other Christmases". This year I intend to try and enjoy being Christmas morning bounced by three small tiggers.

[Summerisle1]

Just to add that I'm sure your op will be the beginnings of much better times health-wise. We're no strangers to stomas in this house either.

[Peepants78]

A friend had a similar issue a few years back. Her little girl left out a drink, mince pie and a carrot in the ward and also at home. Father Christmas left some presents at both places. He really can be very thoughtful man!

I guess that depends on if you decide to let him visit you. I can understand as I've had to spend a fair bit of time in hospital myself and I know my ds hates me being in there, but he hates not being able to visit more.
Hopefully it will be a non-issue and you'll be at home recuperating surrounded by your family.