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To not want to give my email/phone details to the class rep?

(100 Posts)
WrongWayWound Thu 13-Nov-14 12:08:37

Well, self-appointed class rep, unless the PTA had a vote I haven't heard of.

It's 'so we can all keep in touch'. Frankly notes in the book bag, or seeing me at the gate is fine in my book. I've been politely evasive a few times but it's getting pushy with even asking family members for my details if they pick up. This morning I was nearly jumped on and pointed at by 4 women calling out DD's name, I said I had nothing on me.

So as not to drip feed:

-they are VERY pushy for money, it's already starting to grate only 7 weeks into reception. Not the normal amount, I work in a school and it's WAY above the norm.

-The mums I know and like have my details, I'm not hard to track down. I am polite to everyone, and have friends. I've never criticised or moaned about anyone. I foresee my details being used to extend playground squabbles to home from an overbearing core of difficult mums (from playgroups they were cliquey, pushy and not very pleasant to DD, but now we've been thrown together closer by school)

-There is already a lot of pressure from school mums with doing bits, I'll do my bit (though I work when they have all PTA meetings during the day). I don't want 'everyone needs to do this...' or 'your daughter was not nice to xxxx today' in my mailbox. There are other channels to find me, quite easily.

AIB miserable? Does EVERYBODY else always give details? I'll admit I'm just a bit spiky as DD is not having the best start. Not awful, but a lot of being side-lined and under-estimated and a loss of confidence.

scurryfunge Thu 13-Nov-14 12:13:29

I wouldn't hand out details. What do they want money for? I've never heard of this.

Balaboosta Thu 13-Nov-14 12:13:42

Sounds awful. Sounds like giving out your phone number is the least of your problems. The mums in our school are not like this at all. Carry on maintaining boundaries. YANBU.

Balaboosta Thu 13-Nov-14 12:14:58

And fwiw I wouldn't worry yet about dd being sidelined or underestimated. It's very early days.

ClaudetteWyms Thu 13-Nov-14 12:15:14

YANBU this is very very odd. I wouldn't give them my details in these circumstances. Just smile and walk on, look busy, keep out of their way.

TakeMeUpTheNorthMountain Thu 13-Nov-14 12:16:40

Do people from the PTA send emails complaining of other kids? I am shocked!!!

Tell them jog on!

londonrach Thu 13-Nov-14 12:16:47

Get a pay as you go phone. Costs nothing if you get the cheapest and just put £10 and give that number out to the class rep. Or set up another email for the class rep. Up to you if you answer etc. does sound strange. What other parents think.

Vitalstatistix Thu 13-Nov-14 12:18:47

If you don't want to give out your details, then don't let them pressure you into giving in.

I suppose you could say something along the lines of I don't give out my details, if there is anything school related that I need to know, you can catch me here most days, or the teacher can put a note in her book bag.

SuperSaint Thu 13-Nov-14 12:19:51

If you don't want to give your details I think you need to state this clearly rather than being "evasive". The reps probably keep asking in case you have forgotten.

I think it is fairly standard to have a contact list. It is useful if you want to invite someone to tea or chase up a party invitation response etc. Not all parents drop off and collect from school and you may not have any other ways of contacting them.

DCs class reps use email groups to arrange nights out, try and get help for summer and Christmas fairs or remind the class of non uniform days and other events I am likely to forget. Anything to do with "school" (assemblies, meetings etc) is sent through Parent Mail so you won't miss anything vital if you don't give contact details.

Just don't complain that you're not invited to social events!

fourwoodenchairs Thu 13-Nov-14 12:20:57

YANBU. With regards to the harassment of contact details and constant requests for money.

I refuse to engage in all of it.

Velvetbee Thu 13-Nov-14 12:21:25

Just say 'No', I don't want to'. They are the weird ones.

Johnogroats Thu 13-Nov-14 12:23:35

I am a class rep although not very enthusiastic! I have emailed people about the Christmas Fair (as a class we are doing the tombola), and asked for stuffed toys who might like to be re homed. I have also sent one email out about a mums/ dads meet up in the pub one night.

If your reps were doing similar, I would think YABU. However they sound as though they go beyond normal boundaries. Are you sure about this?

Summerisle1 Thu 13-Nov-14 12:23:50

Heck no. I wouldn't want this either, let alone the ludicrous pressure.

I'd just point out that the school have all the relevant details and that you prefer not to share these any more widely.

flapjackattack Thu 13-Nov-14 12:25:25

This sounds odd really. The PTA don't need contacts for all parents and it's entirely overstepping personal/ school boundaries to be contacting parents about dc behaviour in school (where children are being managed by staff day to day). Those parents sound like they're suffering with poor boundaries. Stick to your privacy!

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Thu 13-Nov-14 12:26:44

Yabu and sound a right pain in the bum.

They want your details so they can let you know what's happening. If you don't want to join in fine but expecting them to seek out the parents for 30 children at the gate is just silly.

Poor class reps trying to be helpful ants volunteering and getting you being deliberately awkard. They are just the messengers you know and there's nothing to stop you offering too either.

Why don't you just create a separate email address just for them and see what they send? If it's all rubbish and begging just ignore it. Most it will be coming from on high and they just pass the details on.

Hakluyt Thu 13-Nov-14 12:28:07

The PTA will not send you emails about your dd's behaviour. Your dd not having a good start is nothing to do with the PTA. But there could be things your are interested in or your dd might enjoy that you might miss if you can't be contacted by email- somebody would have to remember to write you a note and put it in the book bag and with the best will in the world that might not happen. So set up a hotmail account and give thm that. Problem solved.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Thu 13-Nov-14 12:28:39

How do you know what's in the emails when you haven't been getting them? confused

Bramshott Thu 13-Nov-14 12:29:57

Clearly I don't know what your school is like, but is it possible you're overthinking it?

In our school we have a system of PTA class reps and they forward on messages about things like non-uniform days, school fetes, other events etc. It's really useful and means that as a busy working parent I don't miss nearly as much stuff as I used to.

Yes, they could of course send you the info another way, but when it's so easy to click forward on an email to the whole class, rather than trying to remember to catch one person at pick-up time, it seems a bit self-defeating...

RiverTam Thu 13-Nov-14 12:30:12

I'm a class rep and we've never asked for money, or been asked to ask for money? Money for what? Isn't that what cake sales and winter fairs are all about, to raise money?

Of course it's fine not to give your details out, we get a bonkers number of emails from the PTA. But equally, don't be surprised if PTA-related things happen and you're oblivious!

APlaceInTheWinter Thu 13-Nov-14 12:30:19

At DC's previous school, we all shared emails at the start of the year and it was really helpful tbh. The teacher used the list to keep us up-to-date and the parents used it for organising social events, reminders about birthday parties, lost property requests, etc. It was used for good not evil grin

At DC's current school, they don't do this and the class feels much more disjointed because of it. We have no idea of other parents' names, we don't even know the names of all the other DCs in the class, there's no central way of contacting everyone so information has to be filtered through the teacher which is more of a faff imo.

WrongWayWound Thu 13-Nov-14 12:38:04

I do get all pta stuff, it either goes in the newsletter or the office email it out (of course the school themselves have all details for this). This is where all the requests come from.

This is an additional contact list where the class themselves use informally. In schools I have seen them misued over and over. Because everyone is copied in anyone can look at details. I've seen them used, in my jobs in schools, from everything to imply affairs are taking place to publically accuse others of bullying.

As far as I'm aware this isn't an official pta thing, they use the office to send info on their behalf

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Thu 13-Nov-14 12:38:57

If it wasn't for the class reps my poor kid would be the only one in uniform on Mufti day, there would be no class Xmas party and we'd never have the right kit or remember to bring anything for show and tell.

They are awesome at sending out reminders the night before/early morning about things I am dimly aware of but have forgotten it was actually happening tomorrow!

Thank you class reps and PTA-ers. You're great flowers and I wouldn't want to do your job!

TakeMeUpTheNorthMountain Thu 13-Nov-14 12:44:26

I am a class rep and a PTA chair and I still think its a bit ridiculous to be chased in this way.

We send out a form at the beginning of the year. If you want text alerts, cool, if you want emails, cool. If not. No hassle, but dont complain that you dont hear anything about the school.

Thats it. Chasing you down in a yard is crazy. But now you have to stop it. Tell them, I dont want to pass on my details, if anything is urgent, I will be here at pick up/teacher will tell me.

DeWee Thu 13-Nov-14 12:51:28

I've been on contact list for all 3 of my dc-my oldest is now at secondary and sorts her own contact.
I haven't once had a "your kid is horrid" email-even when there have been fallings out etc.

However I have had helpful emails that remind me of the dressing up day they told us about a month ago and not mentioned since, news of a fellow classmate going into hospital so if we wanted we could add a card, information like the coach being late back from a school trip, general arrangements (I'm going to the park at 12;00 and taking a picnic on inset day, anyone want to join us?) and a few party/play date invitations.
I've also used it myself in a "does anyone know the maths homework" or "Dc1's ill can you pick up today"... type of way.

titchy Thu 13-Nov-14 12:51:44

Just give them an email - delete or read - up to you. If they do send gossip out (really - does this actually happen or are you assuming it does?) and it involves you then you have written evidence and can take appropriate action. I really can't believe someone would email an entire class of parents to imply someone is having an affair though.

If your dd is being sidelined then you being aware of what's going on, invited to Xmas nights out, reminded about so-and-so's party may well be very beneficial to your dd.

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