Two separate but unrelated items.
I am separated from H following his 2-3 yr long affair. He was sahp, I am the bread-winner - he always stated he wanted nothing from me, and has so far been true to this and still does most of childcare, though he has started work as well.
Shortly after the split, mil offered to lend me the money to have some jobs done on the house. At the time, I was panicking a bit about money and being responsible for this fairly big house on my own, so I agreed. The work has been done (odds and sods really) and has cost £1100. She has said (I only know through h) that she wants it to be repaid if the house is sold, and if she is dead by then, the amount is to be split between h and his sister. However, she has put nothing in writing, so not sure it holds weight.
There is a large loft room (effectively 2 rooms, accessed by normal staircase) that I don't use as don't need the space, except for storage, which it is certainly being used for! It needs replastering and has bare floorboards. There is a bed up there and it is used for guests, though it's not a particularly nice environment atm, tbf. I have guests up there about 10 times a year, for one or two nights at a time, so sorting it is not a priority. If people don't want to go up there, my dc are happy to and guests can use their rooms!
When we split, mil kept making comments about how she would need to come up more, which I largely ignored. A few weeks ago she offered to buy me a rug to go in this room and has this weekend taken me to IKEA to buy one. When she left, I started thinking that, in fact, my room has horrible cheap laminate and no rug, and I would move the rug down to there as that room is used every day by me, and the attic seldom used. The rug is far more expensive than I could afford right now. I thought I could move it back up whenever she visits (not often, if I have my way) but it turned out to be one of those things that is way more difficult to do than you think. I had to move most of my (heavy) furniture to fit it in and enlist the help of my 5 & 7 yr olds, who heard a lot of swearing. It looks fantastic now. I am not moving it again. WIBU to buy a much cheaper rug to put up there, and be quite breezy in the way I mention it if and when she comes again? For some reason, it almost feels like stealing because I feel like she is trying to create a sense that the attic is 'her' room 
.
I am also upset that, while at IKEA buying the rug, she treated H to some new kitchen stuff for his new flat. I probably am being UR about that, but just don't get why she wants to bankroll him destroying his family and make things easy for him when he has been such a total shit. I get that she wouldn't see him destitute, but he has got a job now, so why can't he save up for stuff? No wonder he can't take responsibility for anything
.
Sorry for the rant - AIBU about either of these issues?
AIBU?
about these 'gifts' from mil
justfoundout2014 · 09/11/2014 21:26
I can't help feeling you are being a little U. If you don't want a relationship with her, and it sounds like you don't, don't take her money (and be pleased you prob won't need to pay it back) or accept her gifts. 
Her DS is always going to very her DS, whether he is with you or not the situation sucks but i wouldn't expect her to disown him.
I do get what you're saying OP. Its going to be a bit of a political minefield for a while.
But remember, it is your house and you have the ultimate say in who darkens your door, as it were. No matter if it were mother theresa herself, its still up to you. 
ps, as for the money, tell her to consult her son. she can see her gc on his time not yours!!
I had this problem from my xmil, she seemed to want to see the children through me, which would have been fine if she weren't so domineering and manipulative. I guess she found me easier to manipulate than she did her own son. Eventually I told her she had to see the gc when they were with her son. (ie, not often!!) so she was furious with me.
I am very very detached from them all now.
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I most certainly do not expect her to disown her son, but this, along with a few other things she has said and done, make me feel like she is endorsing, or at least excusing, his disgusting behaviour (shagging ow, who was a mutual friend, in our bed repeatedly while I was at work). She has told me she has seen both sides of an affair, ow are not monsters and that 'they' would have been overtaken by their hormones .
Yes, I probably should have refused the rug (and other money) but honestly can't see how I could have done so without being confrontational and 'making a point'. I get why she wants a rug to be in the room when she sleeps in it, but don't get why it is a problem to move it somewhere else for 355 nights of the year that no one will walk on it.
MargeryDaw Of course I can save and pay for stuff - that is all I do, but I have a lot to pay for and, as yet, have had nothing from h (though he is doing childcare - but they are his kids).
I sound a bit of a cow towards her, but I was upset yesterday seeing her and H chatting away in my sitting room as if everything was normal. That is why I think it's not a great idea for her to come and stay for a long while.
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