Name changed and changed a few details for this post as it may out me.
Me and DH have been together since high school and have been together for 23 yrs. We have 3 dc, (DD) 11, (DS1) 7 and (DS2) 2.
My DH has a very stressful job as a manager and works different hours each week. I have 2 PT jobs which total 11 hours a week but are dotted over 3 days.
I mainly look after the jobs at home i.e. washing (I pay my mum to do my ironing for me), cleaning, food shopping ordering (I get it delivered), cooking, all the paperwork for kids school, bills, insurance etc, putting things away, organising our diaries, all the big events (christmas, birthday parties etc), taking the kids to their social engagements. I don't mind doing any of these jobs. I like doing them.
DH has some jobs that he always does. He empties the bin, feeds and cleans out the cat and empties the dishwasher but he is good at helping out other times too. When he is on a late shift he will help with getting the kids ready for school, making breakfast, tidying the kitchen, getting bags ready etc and after the school run he will do either some DIY job or help with the washing. He tends not to do as much if he comes home at tea time as I am just in a routine with bedtime and prefer to do it myself but he always offers his help which occasionally I take up.
The problem I have is that he is always moaning at me that it isn't clean enough or tidy enough. He does admit that he is a little bit of a perfectionist and wants it to be spotless. I have explained that it really isn't possible with 3 children but he still thinks I haven't done much all day. He has also used the term Lazy which I most definitely am not. DS1 has MLD (1:1 TA at school) and DS2 is going through his terrible two's. Even if the house is looking really tidy, by the time they have been home from school for half an hour, it looks a mess. Usually when he is home late it the kids are in bed and house looks tidy except the kitchen which usually still has some thing about but when he arrives home during tea, homework, bed time, he comes in and just looks at all the mess and sighs.
He says that he looks after the dc on his own and keeps the place looking tidy which he does but he never for instance is cleaning the bathroom while they are ransacking another room.
I have just become the chair of a group and am doing the admin for another. I see these as my hobbies just as he goes to the gym but he is annoyed as while I am doing these things during the week, it means that housework has to be done on a weekend when we could be out with the dc. I would be happy to leave the jobs til the week after but he doesn't.
DH thinks he is NBU and if we asked people, they would probably think I didn't do as much as I should too.
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AIBU?
about DH or is he about me???
46 replies
Frustrated101 · 23/08/2014 21:36
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