AIBU about a stranger posting photos of my children online?(71 Posts)
I will take your opinions either way!
My kids attend a class out of school. A friend of mine also takes her son. She knows a couple of the other parents/children from other places.
A few times now, photos from the class have appeared on my Facebook feed and they include my children and others and the coaches. All taken mid-class. I assume I can see these because this woman has tagged my friend in them.
I'm not very happy about this, can't really put my finger on why. I don't buy into this "paedo round every corner" thing but do feel as my boys are young that I should be able to choose what photos to share and how. I suppose I wouldn't mind so much if she was a friend but it feels wrong for a stranger to share photos of other people's children. Although her son is the focus of the pics, others are clearly identifiable, etc. I'm a school governor and know this would be a safeguarding/digital safety issue there. Would it be the same out of school though?!
I don't know, AIBU to be annoyed about this or am I getting my knickers in a twist over nothing?!
*Why shouldn't a child be able to go about doing her hobbies in the expectation that she/he won't appear on everyone's social network sites?
Absolu-bloody-lutely. I hate this myself and would be pretty fucking annoyed if I found out others were doing it so why aren't kids allowed that privacy?
My friends have adopted siblings who have to be protected from an extensive birth family.
Very few people know the circumstances. It's not hard NOT to take pictures of other peoples kids and it's completely out of order to put pictures of other peoples children online.
Why shouldn't a child be able to go about doing her hobbies in the expectation that she/he won't appear on everyone's social network sites?
I expect that privacy myself. I don't want people taking photos of me making a fool of myself at zumba and putting them on facebook. Why should my kids have that done to them constantly?
Bad searching people, wiltingfast. Like with stalkers, there are people who know what vulnerable DC look like and where they might be. They might look at pages and search to make sure. It's a rare worry, but a real one - sometimes birth parents are a bit desperate to "get DC back" and sometimes there are other situations where it's best for everyone if DC are not identifiable.
This isn't the issue here, but there are bad people looking on the Internet for some unlucky folk. It wasn't a worry pre-Internet, but now it is.
Re: adoption/DV issues - scenario: a woman flees DV with her children, and sets up a new life somewhere else, her identity/location is protected, her ex partner doesn't know where she is/can't abuse her/her children further.
A random person posts pics of their children on FB, with other children clearly visible in the background, random person has low privacy settings on their account.
The perpetrator of the DV/father of the children scours the internet/FB looking for his partner/children, comes across pics of them in the background, immediately he knows the area they live in and potentially the school they are at if they are in uniform or the location is tagged on the photo.
Also, you can get face recognition technology, so even if people aren't tagged, the software can pick up and recognise faces and give you a name.
So, as I said up thread, this OP doesn't appear to be subject to these issues, but who is to say someone else in the photo isn't?
It's potentially life threatening for some people.
I used to work with vulnerable people and had a case very similar, where a woman set up a new home in a new area with her children, her ex tracked her down, and put her in hospital.
Feelings are not sufficient reason to seek to limit what someone else hsas done with their own photos. Imo. Your child is not the subject of the photo. Your child is not identified. Not sure how a photo where a child in is in the background unidentified on someone else's fb page that you are not even connected to is going to impact on issues of adoption or dv or abduction? But in any case if there was such a concern I guess then you would have a sound reason for asking her to take it down. Don't think the op has anything like that going on tho.
No one has really been able to say why they don't like it. Just because I don't like someone's shirt doesn't mean I get to tell them to take it off.
Feelings are valid they're just not always reasonable.
I think it's just lack of control over the pics and lack of comfort.
There are pics of me online. I hate all of them, because I hate being photographed. In the latest shots which were posted online I hated them even more. In one of them I am doing the Jeremy Kyle half closed eyes and handflip (it was during a union debate on a contentious issue) and in the other one I look like possibly the smuggest person on earth because I have my arms folded and am nodding my head, and because of the way I'm sitting (and because I could do to lose a few pounds) I have a double chin. Let's just say I am not photogenic.
My reaction is "OMG GET THAT THE FUCK OFF THE INTERWEBS". Children don't have any choice, from "adorbs pic of DD in the bathtub" to "here's DS in the school play". They do not even know their pics are online. They can't say "For fuck's sake take that off, I look like I weigh 42 stone" or "I don't actually want me in a bathrobe and a teatowel pretending to be a Citizen of Bethlehem available when my future employer searches my name." It doesn't really seem fair to put them through it just fer cute photies.
Just because OP's child is not the subject of a safeguarding case, doesn't mean that other children also photographed aren't, and as she didn't ask OP's permission, I assume she didn't ask any other parents either.
There could be any number of reasons why someone wouldn't want photos of their children on FB, adopted, fostered children, parents fleeing domestic violence, or children at risk of being abducted by the absent parent.
I think it's bad form to post pics of someone else's child without their permission, and I would certainly mention it to the school if it is a club which takes place in the school grounds, as their policy should extend to this.
There is nothing unreasonable about your opinion. I hate facebook photos of my children at school events - and make an issue of it. Similarly, I object if I am having dinner/drinks with friends and one of them decides to take photos and post them. No thanks!
It is common courtesy and netiquette not to put pictures of other people's children on the internet without their permission. She is being very rude by doing so, and you are quite within your rights to ask her to take them down. You can also ask Facebook to take them down for you.
So feelings are only valid if you can articulate why
being uncomfortable with the situation is just that why you are or not being able to name why you are is not relevant
No, that's inappropriate. I post pictures of DS on Facebook, and wouldn't mind another parent doing it, but there are plenty of people who don't like it. It's not on to post them without getting permission first.
I think its nonesense to be honest.
If she was using the images in some way, to advertise or push some kind of agenda, sure, absolutely I would be objecting.
But her primary object here seems to have been to put a photo of her child doing an activity on her facebook page.
The OP's child is background noise.
The OP's child presumably is not identified.
I really fail to see the issue? Children wander around in the world, they are going to be in the background of some people's photos. That has always been the case. So what? What on earth has it got to do wth paedophilia? People you don't know look at your child all the time. So what?
The woman has NOT posted photos of the OPs children, she has posted photos of HER children and the OPs children are merely in the background.
A school could be said to be advertising or promoting themselves so should ask for permission before using photos of children in that way.
This is a private person posting photos of her own children.
I'm sorry OP, I think it very significant you can't really articulate any reasons for being annoyed and YABU.
I think a lot of people feel uncomfortable with this sort of thing now- we're told so much that it's not a good idea etc that many people don't like it without actually knowing why.
Her security settings could do with tightening up but even if they aren't, does it ACTUALLY matter?
its just inappropriate, I would not dream of posting a photo with images of other peoples children on the web.
why? because lets face it we know that peadophiles do trawl the internet and look at images of other peoples children. Even its it a 1 in 100000 risk, thats the main reason why people do not do it. as Thane says its poor netiquette
I also think they are children, its horrible being suprised to see a pjhoto of your child on social media, just a bit off
I've been wary of it ever since a friend's son was photographed in the street, in school uniform, and his picture then popped up in a prominent advertising campaign. It wasn't for anything embarrassing, but my friend was very upset to have her child's image staring out at her from billboards. All attempts to stop use of the photo failed.
Nowadays photos can spread far beyond the place where they are first posted and you don't know what use will be made of them. For all you know something that was mildly amusing at the time could go viral on Twitter or become one of those gifs on reddit. I would not want my kids to have something like that following them around all their lives, so I take a cautious view.
Plus, as others have said, it's ill-mannered.
I agree with Sezam
YANBU - any activities for my DC's either in or out of school will not post pictures online of any of the children without opt-in written parental permission.
I've not read the whole thread, but if it's an out of school activity - they should have made you sign something to be able to take photographs and to share them. They usually say if they are posted on FB/websites or used for promotional stuff.
If a parent is taking photographs, they need to have your permission to take photos with your child in them.
I would ask
tell the coach to make sure that NO photographs are taken without your permission - and you do not give it - if you do not want randomers taking photos of your children.
You feel uncomfortable with it that is a valid enough reason why would it not be
no reason has to be given and maybe nothing can be pinpointed but you do my want your dc pictures posted on fb by others you do not have to have a reason or fear as to why you should always be asked anyway
It doesn't make any difference to my children, although it has annoyed me that someone I don't know can post photos of them. I feel annoyed by it, which obviously makes me unreasonable! However, it might make a big difference to someone else in the class and I assume they are unaware that these photos are being posted.
I wouldn't post pictures of other children, unless I knew the parents and asked them. As an ex-teacher, I wouldn't have posted a general picture of any of my classes, although I do have some. Would you feel ok if your child's teacher posted a photo with your child in it on their Facebook?
But then, I've done safeguarding training as part of my job so perhaps I'm more aware of it.
i agree - if they are not tagged what difference does it make?
If you can't articulate why you are uncomfortable then how am I to know whether yabu or not?
If you can't articulate it then tbh you are probably bu.
I saw them because she tagged a mutual friend in them, so they appeared on my news feed (I don't know her at all by the way). Then I went onto her page and could see she's done it every week for the last three weeks as she has no security settings at all.
Judging purely by the kind of status updates she posts, I'm a bit wary of asking her to remove them! I have emailed the company that runs the classes to ask if they have a policy on it.
I think you can over think these things. I've had foster children live with me who have been placed with sensitive situations, and I've bent over backwards to keep their photos and address etc private. But as teenagers they have all gone on themselves to have Facebook. When they've achieved something at school or a club there have been photos taken with their awards which have gone in the school newsletters etc. As long as the children aren't tagged on Facebook I think it's ok.
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