Sympathies to all on this thread who are in this particular club. Me too, though my mum wasn't abusive as such. Since having my own children I've realised she just wasn't particularly maternal. We were fed and safe, just never hugged, told we were loved, or had much interest taken in what we were doing.
I nearly started a thread about my dad last night along these lines. He was more of a distant, authoritative figure in my childhood. My mum was also scared of him. He left when I was a teenager (leaving her for the daughter of our next door neighbour, who had moved out some years ago but it turned out they'd been conducting an illicit affair for most of that time). His main line of communication with me was constantly criticising my appearance and raving about long-legged, blonde willowy beauties. I take after my mum, short, tree trunk legs, thick ankles (he had a thing about my so-called thick ankles. I now realise it was a constant reminder to him that he'd had children with this 'unattractive' (by his measure) woman, but it was, and is, pretty demoralising.)
I now find it hard to be myself around him, and resent him for not knowing me, if that makes any sense. He is in a long term relationship with another woman (the relationship he left my mum for years ago didn't last), and I feel like he thinks he's found the family he wishes he'd had. He now has a step-daughter, and all I hear is how clever and beautiful she is (yup, guess what, she's blonde, willowy and attractive.). She's getting married this year, and he's involved with all these exciting plans yadda yadda, and how gorgeous she's going to look.
He didn't even come to my wedding.
I guess I'm putting all this down because it's kind of cathartic, so thanks for starting the thread, OP. I do think that you are in a worse position, because your mum sounds much more poisonous than mine, with all those unpleasant comments. Both my parents are at least consistently disinterested, rather than veering from nicey-nicey to putting the boot in.
No solution for you, but at least you can know from mine and other comments that you are not the only one whose mum was "not like other mums."