To be pissed off with the neighbours???

[MrsBootTheFarmer]

Guys, I think I need a reality check but definitely need to vent. Absolutely fuming about neighbours complaining about No1 crying in the night. I'd appreciate some different views/ experiences.

With out boring you with all the details we live in a top floor flat sharing a stair well with 3 other flats.

No2 is all of 5 weeks old and in the last month of the No2s pregnancy, 21 month No1 started waking at night and deciding to cry/ scream instead of self settle. The worst week had 3 of these wakings; each time probably involved about 1 hour of white noise.

I'm sure it wasn't pleasant to listen to, but getting a knock on the door at 12 midnight and 2am the next time did nothing for our nerves, and this after No2 was born!
We were then basically invited, by several emails and texts, to discuss the "noise" at a meeting with the 2 of the other 3 flats???? WTF? This was to include 2 lodgers from one flat whom we'd never even met! We would be out numbered 5 to 2...

I'd totally understand if we were smoking crack on the stairs and leaving the kids to get their own fried chicken, but I thought we got on with these people....

Try not to be too harsh, they're not in league with the devil and No2 is keeping us awake so I might be getting my knickers in a twist over nothing.

[BlackeyedSusan]

and what exactly do they think you can do about it? at least what can you do that would be acceptableto social services. because the last I heard they get a bit twitchy about gaffer tape over their mouths

ignore the door at 2am

what does your lease say about meetings.

[holidaysarenice]

A new born baby crying is completely fine and expected!

A 21 month old screaming at 2 am for 1 hour....YABU!!!!!

And tell me you got up to her and didn't let her 'self-soothe!!'
For goodness sake you are the parents not your neighbours.
I'm glad you don't live above me.

[dulldeirdre]

holidaysarenice

A bit harsh.

[HelpfulChap]

I would wait and see what they had to say before I started catastrophising. They may be quite understanding.

Keep your powder dry until what you hear what they have to say but have all the relevant info regarding lease/rules to hand in case you need to defend yourself.

[HauntedNoddyCar]

Mmm 21 month dc are so easy to reason with...

OP Yanbu.

[BillyBanter]

If the 21month was crying for 1 hour because you were insisting on leaving her then yabu about that.

But babies cry and they abu about that.

Send them an email saying that unfortunately you are unable to comply with their wishes at this time as, having checked, it seems the law does not allow for the smothering of babies even if their crying is a bit annoying.

Or just tell them to feel free to contact the council noise abatement department with their complaints.

[yesyestisme]

I totally agree with holidaysarenice.

If I was woken by a crying/screaming child at 2am for an hour, I would be furious as I am up for work at 6am every morning.

Do you just let the child cry until they have 'self-settled'?

[BillyBanter]

Even though it would be annoying to be kept awake by a crying baby I would understand that babies cry and sometimes nothing you try will stop them until they are ready to stop.

What would annoy me would be if I was kept awake for an hour of crying because the parents deliberately left it to cry for all that time.

[Chippednailvarnish]

White noise!?!?

I think I would be banging on your door too.

[Tulip26]

I work fifteen hour days back to back on little sleep. Please, please do not leave your baby to self settle. I'm not your neighbour, but for the good of my mental health I hope I never will be.

[MidniteScribbler]

A child screaming is not white noise. It's screaming.

If you have no close neighbours, then letting your child yell for a while is fine, but when you have close neighbours then you need to think about how it will impact upon them.

[TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos]

I was once home alone with three DCs, comforting my young toddler who was really screaming. There was a knock at the door which, as it was after 10pm I assumed was an emergency, so I ran down to my neighbour, a mother of four, asking why I wasn't doing anything about my screaming child. I pointed out she had had medicine and topical pain relief and was, at the moment she knocked, actually being cradled by me. I was very miffed, as teething, though unpleasant, is hardly preventable nor, really, that long lasting. Also, she wasn't normally a crying baby is the slightest.

[my2centsis]

As parents we completely completely sympathies with you. BUT I would be thoroughly surprised if a neighbours toddler screaming for an hour in the middle of the night, sometimes 3times a week. Didn't piss you off!! Come on now put your self in their position! It's not ok at all. They are your children! All your neighbours presumably have jobs and a life to live why is it they have to be tierd by listening to your child scream? I have been in your situation and no how hard it is. Please take care of yourself op.

[thesecowsaresmallthosearefaraw]

Do you mean three bouts of screaming in the same night?

[Lollypop1983]

What r u meant to do about a crying child? Wave a magic wand?!

My LO just went through a phase of crying for up to an hour despite being held/ comforted by me during the night. Not only do u feel bad as a parent because u can't stop them crying, but to have neighbours banging on the door??!!

Ignore! Ignore! Ignore!

[SteveBrucesNose]

I kinda sympathise with your neighbours. At our last flat we had a couple with a 6 month old ish baby move in next door. The flats were mirror images of each other, so the master bedroom backed on to each other.

For months we were disturbed by the baby crying every single night for hours. We told ourselves it was a small baby, nothing that could be done. About 6 months in, we actually moved the flat around so that our bedroom was as far away as possible in the second bedroom, which was half the size, and the master bedroom was our spare room. We could still hear the crying.

The crying continued almost every night, at least 3 nights a week, for over 2 years.

We decided to move after they sent security up to ours for the third time. We had friends over 3 times, that's it. Each time about 6 months apart minimum. We were always in off the balcony by 11 and everyone gone he by midnight, which I do not think unreasonable. They called security because we were too loud and woke their child up. After the third time, we decided to move (we were renting, they were owners). As time went on, their nanny would turn the TV on for the child to watch cartoons at 2-3am, very loudly, and sing to the child, which was more disturbing than the child crying.

On one of our last nights, we got woken up again and the child did not stop crying for around 3 hours. DH knocked on their door, the bloke told him to keep it down incase he woke the baby! He brought the guy next door round to ours, into our master bedroom at 3 am and said 'and you tell me to keep it down?!' The guy was aghast - he didn't realise it was so loud in our flat. We told him we were moving because of it, because at the end of the day, he's not unreasonable to complain about a loud party (even once every few months), but we knew we were the unreasonable ones complaining about a baby crying

We kept our cool for over 2 years after they moved in. And moved from our home of 5 years because of it.

So, yes I think your neighbours are being unreasonable by complaining, certainly by ganging up like that, but prolonged exposure to someone else's baby crying (and it would be more reasonable if it was the baby rather than the toddler, because there's no reasoning at all with a 5 week old), is extremely stressful. I know how unreasonable that's sounds, but put yourself in their shoes. It's difficult. And the fact that they've all clubbed together says to me that they realise complaining about a baby crying is unreasonable so they're trying to show how much it's disturbing them all so none of them look like the arsehole who can't cope with the sound of a crying baby the bad guy in it all

[Chottie]

please,please,please do not leave your 21 month old to cry for an hour. I think it is cruel and uncaring and I do not understand why you are doing this?!? Your neighbours are not being unreasonable.

The fact that all your neighbours are complaining shows how loud and prolonged the crying is.

[TheSumofUs]

1. Leaving to cry for more than 10 minutes at that age IMHO is not on - truly for me I wait 5 to 6 minutes at that age and if they haven't settled then they need your help to do so - you need a strategy that helps the sleep plus helps you (perhaps post separately for help on sleep strategies)

1. Take wine, chocolates, ear plugs and a big smile to each of your neighbors and tell them you'll do your very best

1. Drink glass wine

1. Breathe

1. This too will pass

[RockCrushesLizard]

Just to say, the OP has not said they left the child to cry, so people are perhaps being a bit premature with the judging...

I'm glad all these posters were always able to stop their babies from crying

[wowfudge]

Your neighbours ABU. Babies cry and children make noise until they learn to keep it down. You must have had a horrible time and your neighbours' reaction is OTT.

Send them all earplugs - it's not as though they had to deal with the crying and the stress of that themselves. I don't like the sound of the meeting and wouldn't go if I were you.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

They ABU. And so are the critical people on this thread. You can't always stop a small child from crying.

We had neighbours complain about DD crying. We were there the whole time she was yelling. She qss having night terrors. We couldnt stop her.

She is still noisy at night. We are up the whole time every night but its not our fault nd we cant help it.

[chrome100]

Our neighbours' kid used to scream all night. We put music on to drown it out. Then they complained about our music. You can't win.

[Morgause]

If you are doing everything you can to stop the baby crying then they are BU.

If you are leaving the baby to cry out then YABU.

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

Our 18 month old was screaming from 4:30 this morning until about 6:00. DH was with him the entire time but he refused to be soothed, cuddles, milk, calpol didn't work. Thankfully we don't live in a flat but to the people who would have been fuming about a crying baby, sometimes there isn't anything you can do.