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AIBU?

DS has lost something (new and relatively expensive)

55 replies

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 07/03/2014 09:20

He's 8 and I am pissed off but also recognise that I do sometime expect to much.

He has history for dumping things where he stands, not putting things back, never knowing where he's put stuff (probably fairly standard) what gets my back up most is he won't bother to really search for something and I suspect half the time doesn't care if it turns up again or not.

He's gone to school upset because I have told him off and I feel bad but instead of being sorry he just gives me huffy looks. (I think he is sorry but huffy looks are his default setting these days)

I've told him he needs to look for it when he gets home but if it's permanently lost how can I deal with it without getting mad? I am too shouty sometimes and I'm trying not to be as ds and I do seem to rub each other the wrong way these days. I'm thinking a computer/I pad ban for the weekend?

OP posts:

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WitchWay · 07/03/2014 09:22

What is it? Could it be replaced? Could he contribute to the cost?

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 07/03/2014 09:30

It's his watch he got for Christmas. I suppose he could do chores but ultimately I still have to pay for a new one don't I. If he had a birthday coming up I would make him use birthday money.

I think I'm pissed off mostly because I know he won't care if it's replaced or not. Plus the huffy attitude that seems to be a constant these days.

OP posts:

Pollyputthekettle · 07/03/2014 09:32

I wouldn't buy him another one, it doesn't sound like it's essential.

WitchWay · 07/03/2014 09:34

Did he wear it outside the house? My DS didn't wear a watch to school at that age so it would have most likely been in the house. If taken to school could it be in his classroom or the changing rooms? Bloody irritating I agree. All of my DS's stuff eventually surfaces in his bombsite bedroom - a bit like a frozen woolly mammoth emerging from a glacier - even though it can't be found initially.

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 07/03/2014 09:34

It's not essential but it was part of allowing him freedom to play out and go knock for his friends. I could tell him what time he was expected home rather than having to walk down to retrieve him.

OP posts:

Ilovehamabeads · 07/03/2014 09:35

If he doesn't care whether its replaced or not, why would you buy him another? Is he going to care more next time? Or if its essentia, buy him a dirt cheap one.

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 07/03/2014 09:38

He doesn't wear it to school, which I don't have an issue with it was really for when he plays out. Probably is in the house somewhere.

Last time he lost my I pod it turned up weeks later in the monopoly box (ds's idea of 'tidy your room' is shove everything into corners/cupboards/boxes)

OP posts:

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 07/03/2014 09:40

You can get watches for a few quid I'm not sure I see why you would buy an 8 yr old an expensive watch. I'd be expecting it to get lost/stolen....?

mamicar · 07/03/2014 09:41

Dont replace it!

My DS is 12 next month, he has memory issues, Auditory Processing Disorder. He has lost £100's worth of stuff! It gets replaced with his pocket money, I mean, brand new football boots, superdry coat, three school jumpers, Art pack (expensive one!) Bus pass twice, shoes, books, homework diary. The list is endless! He did the same right through primary as well. It is bloody frustrating though.

Nataleejah · 07/03/2014 09:41

He lost it so he doesn't have it. If he is really really upset, maybe you can replace it on next christmas or birthday.

pictish · 07/03/2014 09:42

Learn a lesson from this, and buy him a cheapo next time!

Ilovehamabeads · 07/03/2014 09:43

If he doesn't wear it to school, chances are its more than likely been dumped in the house somewhere while distracted (my dd has habit of this too, we usually find stuff in the bathroom which she's dumped in her hurry to go to the toilet) If he wants to go out round his friends house to play just tell him in advance he has to find his watch first.

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 07/03/2014 09:43

It was £20 so not ridiculously expensive but still not cheap IMO. Tbh I would be still annoyed if it had cost me a fiver and he lost it. We're not poor but I don't like a blasé attitude to lost stuff I think it shows a lack of appreciation for what you have.

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Pippintea · 07/03/2014 09:48

Expensive watch for an 8 year old is not a good idea. However, his 'huffy' attitude needs to stop. The watch was bought so that he could stay out and play. If he doesn't find it ( or replace it with a cheap on with pocket money) he doesn't go out on his own. My DC need some sort of incentive to look after/find things! They're selfish little...!

Pippintea · 07/03/2014 09:49

OP Agree with your last post!

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 07/03/2014 09:51

Yes it's the attitude that is my real issue I think. It's ongoing and draining. He's such a good boy in many ways but seems to have adopted a very negative way about him, lots of sighing, eye rolling, dramatic stamping off. Gah!

OP posts:

gilmoregirl · 07/03/2014 09:51

My DS is also eight and has much the same attitude.

He loses something at school almost every week and when I ask him to look for it / try and find it he just shrugs. I find it infuriating! He says oh well I have another pair of shorts/trousers/shoes/hivis bike vest etc etc.

I have gone into the school myself and searched for items and managed to get his school shoes and a brand new fleece onsie back this way. No sign whatsoever of new school fleece, new school trousers, bike vest or two pairs of plimsoles though (despite all being carefully named).

Can you go into the school and look for it? Ideally with your DS. Hopefully someone will hand it in?

It is very hard trying to get them to take responsibility and show interest in getting things back!

EverythingIsTicketyBoo · 07/03/2014 09:52

My DS (now 16) has an awful track record for losing things and not bothering to find them, we had to replace nearly all of his school uniform (including shoes) in year 7 and 8, a couple of pencil cases plus on end of belongings in the house. He's left his bag on busses, lost coats, hats ........ well you get the picture. This was becoming a huge issue, his blasé attitude that really wound me up and cost to replace, so we took the decision to pass the cost of replacement to him. It comes out of pocket money or Christmas/birthday money, you will be surprised just how quickly there is an improvement! Whether he needs to have a watch or not isn't the issue, he lost it! My DS was always given one day to find what he's lost, then he paid for a cheaper replacement. He's much better now.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 07/03/2014 09:54

I'd do a consequence that directly fits what has happened - as Ilovehamabeads suggests. You bought him the watch so that he could have more freedom, in losing the watch he has temporarily lost the freedom - he needs to find the watch (assuming it is in the house) to be allowed out calling for his friends again - that is a practical, logical consequence.

Assuming he gets pocket money at 8 then if he can't find the watch he must use his pocket money to buy a new (cheap) one in order to regain the watch dependant freedom.

I have a similar 8 year old... she can be lovely and thoughtful, but she doesn't care about stuff... there is a good side to that, but the bad side is not caring much if she loses or breaks her own things (she is better about other people's stuff).

MiscellaneousAssortment · 07/03/2014 09:55

Well, if he doesn't care about his things going missing, I suggest you don't give him any more things...

And also give consequences

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 07/03/2014 09:56

I think I will tell him that he will have to replace it when his birthday comes round and in the mean time he will only be able to play within in shouting distance of the house.

OP posts:

WestieMamma · 07/03/2014 09:57

I agree with Pippintea. Natural consequence is he doesn't get to play out until it's found or replaced.

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itiswhatitiswhatitis · 07/03/2014 09:59

You're right Misc, this Christmas we were much much more restrained with what they received as I do believe they have too much (partly our fault, partly due to large family)

OP posts:

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 07/03/2014 10:04

Does he get pocket money? Birthday money can be a lot at once and warp their sense of the value of money a bit - I find my 8 year old has had a better sense of the value of money and why some things are too expensive etc. since she's had a meaningful amount of money and things she has to pay for and in some cases save up for several weeks for. Helping with the supermarket shop is good for that too - helps her to understand that buying a sandwich while out costs more than a whole loaf of bread in the supermarket etc. and to see why we can't go to the cinema twice in the same week, and to understand what I am talking about if I point out what the new shoes she has just ruined with paint or the coat she has "misplaced" cost...

shewhowines · 07/03/2014 10:06

Yep natural consequences all the way.

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