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to not get SIL a 30th birthday present?

(19 Posts)
sweetkitty Tue 25-Feb-14 23:23:53

So SIL is almost 30 I've bought a card but should I send a present (she lives an hour away).

Normally I would send flowers or post something nice to a family member having a big birthday but DB and SIL have never acknowledged my birthday, never had a card or even a FB message. In the past I've always just sent SIL a card and DB a card with some money to get a few birthday drinks on us.

Now do I
a) send card and present
b) send card only
c) not send a thing and say Happy Birthday on FB.

SIL just makes no effort with our DCs either, DD2s birthday last month my brother just transferred in £20 about 2 weeks after her birthday. With their DS we go visit and take toys and cards. Feels very one sided.

Aeroflotgirl Tue 25-Feb-14 23:26:14

I wouldent send her anything, just text her or e mail her a birthday greetings

Gruntfuttock Tue 25-Feb-14 23:26:56

d) ignore the birthday all together

AngelaDaviesHair Tue 25-Feb-14 23:27:48

c) or d).

HauntedNoddyCar Tue 25-Feb-14 23:28:03

Card.

Chrysanthemumtea Tue 25-Feb-14 23:28:55

Send a shit present - a regift or a pound shop special, and if no thank you or card for your bday then nothing next year.

OOAOML Tue 25-Feb-14 23:30:02

I wouldn't. Clearly they don't want to 'do' birthdays, and I can see it either making you feel resentful, or them thinking you're making a point. Or maybe both.

NadiaWadia Tue 25-Feb-14 23:30:28

If they have never acknowledge your birthday while you have remember theirs for a few years, I think it is time for you to stop. They probably don't even remember when your birthday is, to some people it is unimportant. I had the same with my DB and SIL, always sent him at least a card and my DH's birthday is the day after his, so you would think that would remind them but nothing! So I stopped eventually.

With the children it's different though, because obviously it is not your DNs fault. Not sure what to suggest there. Maybe just be the bigger person and carry on, and get your own DCs a little something extra on their bdays to make up for forgetful auntie and uncle?

MistressDeeCee Wed 26-Feb-14 02:59:44

Maybe she doesn't really do birthdays - she doesn't have to and it doesn't sound as if she's attempting to make you feel obligated in any way. Send her a card then forget about it.

Pollyputthekettle Wed 26-Feb-14 05:01:25

Sounds like my sil. I now ignore her birthday . For a big birthday I would send a card.

Topaz25 Wed 26-Feb-14 09:10:19

I'd do C because it shows you were thinking of her with minimal effort. If they ask why you didn't send a card or present just say you thought they didn't 'do' birthdays since they don't acknowledge your birthday.

eddielizzard Wed 26-Feb-14 09:15:46

i'd say hb on facebook. they clearly aren't bothered about birthdays so won't be bothered if you don't bother.

MyNameIsKenAdams Wed 26-Feb-14 09:21:15

Meh. Just send a card. Or a text.

VodkaJelly Wed 26-Feb-14 09:25:27

Ignore, they dont do birthdays so just follow their lead

DeWe Wed 26-Feb-14 10:16:56

No I wouldn't do. We were in a similar position except bil informed dh when he commented that they owed him 4 birthday presents (as he gave bil his present) that bil had decided not to do presents any more.

When however, a couple of years later, bil turned 30, sil chased us for �50 because she wanted to give him a big present for his 30th and wanted everyone else to contribute. We pointed out that they had given nothing to either of the older siblings when they turned 30 and refused. Other sil was intimidated into donating, and was quite put out.

LoonvanBoon Wed 26-Feb-14 11:30:17

I'd just send a card, definitely not a present. However, I wouldn't hold your SIL responsible for the fact that your b-day isn't acknowledged - surely it's your DB's job to make sure that his family's birthdays are remembered? Maybe SIL does her family b-days, & leaves it to him to do his - which would be fair enough, wouldn't it?

So I'd stop sending your brother money for his b-day, too, given that he can't be arsed to even organize a card for his sister.

GoEasyPudding Wed 26-Feb-14 12:00:59

Don't send anything and don't say anything.
Don't send anything else ever.

If they don't do you or your kids birthdays there is no point in you going to any effort for them. Easy.

If you are the giving type and enjoy that sort of thing, just put some extra effort into someone else's birthday.

sweetkitty Wed 26-Feb-14 21:47:22

Forgot about this thread, thanks I've already bought a card so think I'll send it as I don't know anyone else young enough to be turning 30 grin

I'm not just moaning about SIL moaning about DB too, every year I send him a card and money, don't even get a happy birthday text.

And don't get me started on my Dad, he'll forget my birthday then phone up 2 days later and say "oh sorry I forgot again I remember when yesterday was my mothers birthday". His mothers been dead 30 years, I'm his only daughter, you would think he could remember mine too.

Oh and whilst I am ranting this year my Dad turns 60, DB and SIL want to go away for it all of us, I've kind of said we have four DC and were skint so bugger off. So I've got to spend £££s on my Dads birthday when he forgets mine.

AngelaDaviesHair Thu 27-Feb-14 11:32:24

You haven't got to, and in your shoes I wouldn't.

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