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To think you don't have to celebrate every birthday like it's your 21st?

(25 Posts)
Quokka1 Fri 14-Feb-14 10:05:35

Just that really!

My best friend expects everyone to celebrate every one of her birthdays like it's her 21st. She lives a couple of hours away from me and every year I go to visit & spend an evening in a bar or especially hired room (this was for her 31st...) with a load of people I don't really know, not spending more than 5 mins talking to her. I've just seen on Facebook (I know...) that for this year she's planning a pub crawl around her local town, ok fair enough but there are 100 people on the invite list!! AIBU to be unavailable this year?? We're turning 35... It's not a biggy!

Incidentally, for the last 3 years she hasn't asked me what I'm doing for my birthday and last year I received a bunch of flowers, 10 missed calls & a load of panicky voicemails & text messages 10 days after my birthday when she realised she had completely forgotten. My birthday has become irrelevant to her although she made an effort to see me on my 30th when I did organise a party and for that she turned up late and left early! For my 31st I had a BBQ at home, she attended but spent all afternoon watching the football indoors while the rest of us enjoyed ourselves in sun (she has no interest in football usually but it was either the world or euro cup & she just could not miss the match... my other friends found her behaviour quite odd...)

I love a good get together & party as much as the next person but when I only see a friend a few times per year (because I make the effort to visit) I'd like to have the opportunity to talk to them which is impossible in a crowded pub or night club (god I sound old!)

So am I just a boring old mardy arse or is it really not necessary to celebrate every birthday like it's your 21st?

LyndaCartersBigPants Fri 14-Feb-14 10:10:18

I do have a big birthday coming up and I'm not having a party for that very reason.m I don't see the point of having a big do where everyone I know is there, but they don't know each other and would end up seeing me for a few minutes each before I go off and chat to someone else (not that I have THAT many friends blush)

I'd rather do several small things, meeting up for coffees, meals and weekends away with separate groups so that I can spend some proper time with all of them.

Next time she invites you why not say you can't make it but would like to meet up another evening with just her to celebrate her birthday.

I know forgetting your birthday is annoying, but the fact that she also made a big effort to make it up to you is a good thing. I often forget other peoples birthdays and just apologise, sending 10 messages and flowers is a really nice gesture from your friend.

MonsterMunchMe Fri 14-Feb-14 10:17:47

Yanbu.

I have a friend like this! 2 hen nights, one of which was 5 days abroad, a destination wedding, baby showers plus meet the baby party's x 2, every bday like it's her 21st.

When it comes to other people she's always 'too skint' or 'to busy'

Her hen nights and wedding cost me 1.5k altogether, I did it gladly as she's one of my oldest friends, a few years down the line she has let me down so badly with my special events that I've stopped bothering.

So I feel your pain! I think they have a complete lack of self awareness!!!

MsAspreyDiamonds Fri 14-Feb-14 10:28:13

I know someone who takes a week off to celebrate her birthday every year with a selection of meals, drinks, shows & dancing. Her birthday week celebrations costs her 1.5k every year.

AwfulMaureen Fri 14-Feb-14 10:35:47

Yanbu it's not something it's not something I relate to. But I do see that some people LOVE it...so who am I to judge? I just don't attend! grin I give my mates a gift etc and usually arrange a meet up for lunch...they all know me and accept that I don't "do" big nights out.

BeetlebumShesAGun Fri 14-Feb-14 10:56:40

I have a friend like this. Every year it is a mammoth party/night out and she gets very pissy if you can't make it. To the point where my best friend went to her birthday party 2 weeks after giving birth so as not upset her.

It's her birthday in 2 weeks and I have already let her know I won't be attending due to having a 10 week old!

I do like to celebrate my birthday, but agree there's no need for a huge piss up. My DH wouldn't celebrate his at all if it were up to him (I get him a card!)

Tryharder Fri 14-Feb-14 11:02:18

I totally agree.

And some of them must be mumsnetters judging by some threads on here.

squoosh Fri 14-Feb-14 11:47:54

YABU.

She can make as big a deal of her birthday as she likes. Doesn't mean you have to participate.

CoffeeTea103 Fri 14-Feb-14 11:56:40

Yabu if she wants a big deal of her birthday then she can.

ENormaSnob Fri 14-Feb-14 12:01:09

Yanbu

But, its not a huge deal as i'd just decline if i couldn't be arsed.

Kaluki Fri 14-Feb-14 12:05:42

YABU to be annoyed - its her birthday she can do what she likes.
YANBU to not go along with it though. She shouldn't get shitty if you cant make it, especially after she forgot yours.

Quokka1 Fri 14-Feb-14 12:07:00

But should she expect me to make a big deal of her birthday when she doesn't make an effort for mine? (Yes she sent me flowers 10 days late but I'd have preferred a text or phone call on the day to show she actually thought about me).

Fair enough people should celebrate how they like but I don't think they should make other people feel bad if either they don't want to or are unable to participate like mentioned by a few other posters. To me it just seems to be a bit attention seeking.

Quokka1 Fri 14-Feb-14 12:08:01

X post with the last few

Quokka1 Fri 14-Feb-14 12:08:51

And also how can 100 people go on a pub crawl together? Really??

chocoluvva Fri 14-Feb-14 12:12:06

YANBU

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Fri 14-Feb-14 12:17:40

YANBU. Each to their own I suppose, but I really can't understand grown adults acting like this.

'Big' birthdays are different but every bloody year is ridiculous.

I have a friend who was quite like this until she had her first DC at 36. Since then (we are 39 this year) she has cut her own birthday celebrations down to a meal out with her DP & spends more time & effort on celebrating her two DCs birthday parties.

BucketsnSpades Fri 14-Feb-14 12:20:02

I like a party and i think if people want to host parties, and they are prepared to cater for everyone then great. I do resent it though when i am expected to pay for a meal out for me and dh to spend an evening in the company of friend's friends plus the token trying not to look cheap pressie. I just don't go these days.

Trills Fri 14-Feb-14 12:29:11

YABU in your title because she's not "celebrating like it's her 21st", she's "celebrating in the way that she enjoys best".

YANBU to think that people should not be rude or unpleasant if the way they like to celebrate is not convenient/enjoyable for others, and should not expect a greater level of effort for their birthdays than the amount of effort they put into others.

Topaz25 Fri 14-Feb-14 14:38:02

She is not BU to celebrate her birthday the way she wants even if it's not a big year. She is BU to expect you to make an effort for her birthday when she doesn't for yours.

Topaz25 Fri 14-Feb-14 15:23:56

BTW I love your username, Quokkas are cute!

Joysmum Fri 14-Feb-14 15:25:59

YABU

It's ip to her what she does and you're not being forced to go.

Quokka1 Fri 14-Feb-14 15:35:32

Thanks Topaz! I've not made it to Rottnest Island to see them in real life yet but I will do one day! smile

CrystalJelly Fri 14-Feb-14 15:43:37

No I know people like this and it's just attention seeking IMO. I only make a fuss on milestone birthdays. This thing of expecting a big fuss every single year is quite childish, but as another poster has already said you do see threads quite often on here from people who get so very offended and "hurt" when friends won't drop everything to do something for their "special day"

It's like an entitled princes syndrome.

DoJo Fri 14-Feb-14 18:27:18

YABU to think that she shouldn't celebrate however she chooses.
YANBU to choose not to join in - it doesn't sound like you enjoy it, and if it isn't reciprocated I can see why you don't want to go along.

Nomama Fri 14-Feb-14 18:39:52

God no, YANBU.

BIL does much the same. We don't join in, in fact we barely see ILs these days (long, sad story). But he makes a point of coming round a week or so after after his b'day, big sad kicked puppy dog eyes, tears and recriminations.....

We will be moving soon... the temptation not to tell him where is very, very real smile

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