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to think people who say "cheer up" need a good slap?

(66 Posts)
PurpleValentine Sat 07-Dec-13 23:52:07

Last night I went out for a work event, in a city that I don't know at all. To cut a long story short I got a call with some bad news and left early. I got myself a bit lost and when a man walked by me and shouted -

"Cheer up love"

I wish I'd told him to fuck off there and then. But seriously I'm joking about the violence part but aibu to think this is just so rude and ignorant. Why say something to a stranger when you actually don't have a clue what the hell is going on in their life?

expatinscotland Sun 08-Dec-13 17:23:38

Fuck off and bite me is my response.

lurkerspeaks Sun 08-Dec-13 17:15:43

Ironically one of my neighbours works in that shop (I worked in another branch as a student) and she and one of my old colleagues who is now the floor supervisor of the branch in question came to find me in the car park to check I was OK.

Definitely not what either I or he had intended. I bet he doesn't say it anymore though!

lurkerspeaks Sun 08-Dec-13 17:13:11

I had a really shit time a year ago. My Mum was dying and there were multiple other stressors going on in my life. I was in a real state and just about managing to function (crying on the sofa was my default activity, having a shower was a major achievement, going to work in my responsible professional job was far beyond me).

One of the checkout operators in my local supermarket took it upon himself to tell me to "cheer up" when I ventured in to buy some food (also a significant achievement at the time).

I'm afraid I outlined exactly all the reasons I was looking glum and why "cheer up" was entirely inappropriate.

I then somewhat ruined the effect by bursting into tears and fleeing to my car.

LaBelleMadameManchotSansMerci Sun 08-Dec-13 16:12:32

YANBU. No one has the right to tell someone how to feel. I can't see how being ordered to cheer up or smile could possibly make anyone feel better.

I used to pass a man sitting on a bench on the way home from work three afternoons a week. Every time he would shout at me to smile and cheer up. Every time I had actually been feeling quite cheery until he shouted at me. I just ignored him.

In the school holidays I went that way with the dcs. He shouted at me as usual. I ignored him as usual until he said to my nine year old, "Is that your mother you need to tell her to cheer up." I said "You need to stop being so rude." Because I didn't want my ds to think it was ok for people to speak to us like that. The man started mumbling defensively.

A few days later we went that way again. The dcs were running ahead being Jedis. When they passed the man he said "All right lads?" They went quiet. He said "Even the boys aren't smiling." I gave him the deathstare and said "They were until you spoke to them." And walked on. He's not been on that bench when I've passed since.

The irony is he had the grumpiest most miserable looking face I've ever seen.

limitedperiodonly Sun 08-Dec-13 14:09:12

I got this last week. He was driving so I stopped at the kerb. He waved me over, which was nice, so I waved thanks.

Then he said: 'Give us a smile, love.'

By strange coincidence I had just been told my mum was dying and I was hurrying home to do some vital things so I could return that night and then go to the hospital to watch her die. What are the odds, eh?

I wondered if I'd make it but it had to be done. She held on for two days so at least I was there.

I don't think he meant to be nasty. So I can't say I was angry. But I am baffled that he wouldn't think: 'Ooh! Woman with sad face. Maybe she's just had some bad news. I'll just wave her over and keep my mouth shut.'

I couldn't be bothered to tell him to fuck off because my grief is far bigger than any annoyance could be. But if I had, he'd have deserved it for being so fucking stupid.

His behaviour was strange enough, but I'm even more baffled to read that someone thinks that would have been unkind of me to swear at him confused

NigellasLeftNostril Sun 08-Dec-13 13:52:48

funnily enough this was said to me for the first time in years by someone at the garage where i was buying petrol - as I am not even of shaggable age any longer it was a blast from the past, as I recalled how FUCKING annoying it used to be.
in reply I went into a long monologue about how I was just thinking and worried about something, about how I am starting to look just like my dad, and asked his opinion on whether I should get some botox treatment, etc etc
By the time I had finished and paid for my petrol he was looking slightly worried himself....
grin that'll larn 'im

mrsjay Sun 08-Dec-13 13:52:00

I have a dour face i never look happy and it really pisses me off cheer up hen it will never happen well it just did you idiot you decided it was ok to tell me to cheer up angry I am a lovely person really just never look all that happy but why do they do it, and ime it is usually men who do say it

ExcuseTypos Sun 08-Dec-13 13:47:55

I got told this when paying for petrol. I'd just dropped my dd (17) off at the church yard so she could visit her best friend who'd died 2 weeks before.

I really wanted to tell him why I was miserable. I thought the shock of it might stop him saying the same thing to someone else, but I just couldn't.

Dollslikeyouandme Sun 08-Dec-13 13:47:25

In fact we should be allowed to carry a bag of stones to throw at men who say this.

AmIthatTinselly Sun 08-Dec-13 13:46:35

Words of comfort? confused Seriously

Dollslikeyouandme Sun 08-Dec-13 13:45:28

Well I'm so glad it's not just me, I used to get this constantly, made me furious.

Yanbu, only a complete pig ignorant shithead would say this.

CailinDana Sun 08-Dec-13 13:37:59

I just look past them as if I've heard something but they're invisible. It really works. They want attention. If you reply, even rudely, they get what they want. Just pretending they don't exist totally cuts them dead.

TeamJavert Sun 08-Dec-13 13:24:00

What the hell is at all comforting about being told to cheer up? It's rude and dismissive of one's feelings? It's also usually none of their bloody business.

TeamJavert Sun 08-Dec-13 13:22:10

I hate it. It's so bloody patronising,and said almost exclusively by men to women.

I had some idiot say it to me on a bus once,and I said "If I look like this,it probably has already happened." Not a great comeback,but 'it' had indeed just happened. My grandmother had died. But he made that stupid 'oooh' noise when I said it,as though I was in the wrong.

70isaLimitNotaTarget Sun 08-Dec-13 13:20:25

No, I think it's the height of rudeness to tell someone to Fuck Off if they say "Cheer Up"

If I was walking along with any member of my family and they said "Cheer Up" and they were told to F* Off I'd be furious.

Jusy ignore.
Or look away.
But My God , what an obscenely vicious world we live in if a stranger cannot pass on a couple of (ill timed ) words of comfort < eh?

EmmaFreudsGivingMeJip Sun 08-Dec-13 13:13:57

I get this all the time, I have a bitchy resting face. It's always men who say 'cheer up love, give us a smile' oh do fuck off. My friend told me that people ask how she is friends with me as I look unaproachable and a bit scary grin haha. I can't help it, it's just my face and I haven't the motivation to walk around inanely grinning.
I am quite a happy person as a rule, believe it or not.

OhWellWhatToDo Sun 08-Dec-13 11:04:58

My DSil got told this. She was walking out of the hospital where her husband had died. (I mean, especially in a hospital, where 'it' is more likely to have just happened, who says it?)

To be honest, I'm surprised she didn't kill him violently, she was just too exhausted. I'm still fucking angry on her behalf angry

southeastastra Sun 08-Dec-13 10:20:10

hate this too, also get it from my sister (of all people) miserable is my neutral face, can't help it. it's annoying

Mia4 Sun 08-Dec-13 10:16:22

YADNU OP. And why is it mainly women that seem to get it? I just asked DP and his DCs who have stayed over, they never get that at all.

FunkyBoldRibena Sun 08-Dec-13 10:07:17

I was cheery until I saw you coming this way.

NotQuiteWithItAtAll Sun 08-Dec-13 10:04:16

I got, 'smile love, you look so miserable'

I was counting out his 10 sugars he requested. Why would i smile whilst counting out 10 sugars grr.

He got quite a look. Arsehole.

When I'm working, i get it at least 4 times a shift. You need to smile when your mopping a floor don't ya know!

MurderOfGoths Sun 08-Dec-13 09:34:36

YANBU at all, it's bloody annoying and completely unnecessary.

Mishmashofstyles Sun 08-Dec-13 09:32:09

Mid thirties now, I don't get this any more. Yay!

SamU2 Sun 08-Dec-13 09:05:56

I get this all the time.

I always look moody even when I am not.

LadyBeagleEyes Sun 08-Dec-13 08:49:04

It happened to me a lot in my teens and twenties. I just have a naturally miserable face in repose.
I could never think of a smart answer.
It never happens now as I'm in my 50's and invisible.

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