If I am, I know I will be told (forcefully and with much swearing 
and I can take it 
Just because you don't like your choices, doesn't mean you don't have them.
Just because choices are often between two equally shitty things, doesn't mean they aren't choices
Just because you are afraid to make a change, does not mean you are not making a choice to do nothing (doing nothing being in itself a choice)
Not wanting to do something is not the same as having no choice.
Not liking to admit that you have choices or have made choices, does not stop them from being choices
Bad choices are still choices.
You choose to do something, you don't have to do it. You only have to be ok with the consequences of your choice.
I am just so tired of arguing about the meaning of choice with my husband that it would be good to hear other views.
AIBU?
Or perhaps just utterly pedantic, regarding the nature of 'Choice'
RevelsRoulette · 09/10/2013 14:22
See, this is part of the argument I have with him I maintain that two different but equally shitty things are still choices! you just have to choose which you hate less. He thinks that it's not a choice unless you're choosing between a great thing with only positives and a crappy life wrecking event! But most choices are a case of weighing up which pile of shit you are least unhappy to be plunged into.
How am I contradicting myself? I'd love to understand the other view. Maybe I am unfair
meant to say that I am not saying that everything in your entire life is a choice. there are things that are not. death, disease, getting burgled, etc etc. That's not what I'm on about. I am on about actual things where there are in reality, two or more possible courses of action.
I'm talking about, well, to use the ridiculous and completely unimportant example that sparked the (lighthearted!) debate again today - you don't HAVE to spend an evening with someone just because you have travelled down to them to ask a favour. You can choose to have a coffee and a chat, say thanks very much and leave. It's not that you don't have the option of doing that. There's no gun to your head.
That's an extremely trivial example of it, just off the top of my head.
See, I would see that as a choice. A choice between a pain in your leg and a pain in your eye.
I'd choose leg. It would hurt for a while but a poke in the eye could cause damage to my sight. Of the two options available to me, the leg is the one that would damage me the least.
A choice between two shitty things is still a choice. There doesn't have to be an outcome that is good for the options to be choices.
Again, that's my take on it and I am having trouble wrapping my head round the idea that if there's no good choice, there's no choice. But I am listening and trying to get it. Honest.
Interesting thread.
I think your definition of choice is quite vicious though - a bit 'you made your bed, now lie in it' like you have no right to complain if you made a choice to do something that turns out to be crap or you regret.
It can be a tool in abusive relationships as a way of gaslighting - 'would you rather I go out with my friends, or stay home with you because you clearly want me to?' - yes there's a choice, but it's a horrible one.
I do it with my toddler in fact - so if I'm predicting a tantrum about wearing shoes, I say 'ooh which shoes would you like to wear, your trainers or your boots? Aren't they both lovely?' And he's momentarily baffled and doesn't complain
I think your DH is probably very justifiably frustrated with your outlook on this right than you
However, I'm supposed to be in the car now (school run) so will have a think and come back later with a more reasoned post!
That is my *choice
oh gosh, does it come across like that? That moaning is forbidden? I never said that! We all have the odd whinge about stuff. I'm going back over my posts frantically to see where I said or hinted that you make your bed now lie in it. cos that really would piss him off if he thinks I'm saying that
I agree that you have to own your decisions. That's why I said that you have to be ok with the consequences of the choices that you make. Note I said ok and not happy You often have to make a shit choice that doesn't fill you with joy, but you have to be accepting of the fact that that was the choice you made and you made it for a reason. I've always thought seeing it like that was empowering, that you own your choices, you weren't a victim in them, they weren't done to you, you did have the power. A way of thinking that gives you control.
you also don't have to accept the choices presented to you, you can go with your own. The toddler can say no, I'm not wearing any shoes at all (he can't read yet, can he I don't want to be responsible for that ) and the woman can, well, I want to say hit the arsewipe with a frying pan and bury him in the back garden, tbh.
Some very interesting points and, as always when I put something out to MN, lots of new things to consider.
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