to buy DS a (real) drum kit for his 5th birthday?

[greenbananas]

DS had a toy drum kit for his second birthday, and he absolutely loved it. When it eventually broke through overuse, and couldn't be mended, he kept asking for another one, and after 6 months we did buy him another. That one also fell apart through overuse.

He wants a real drum kit, has been asking for ages, and I am bidding on ebay for a second hand one now. Goodness knows where I am going to put it...

Obviously, I want to encourage him to be musical (we are a fairly musical family). BUT we live in a small terraced house! Even with blankets stuffed inside all the drums and practice pads on top of them, this is bound to be noisy. AIBU?

[CoffeeTea103]

Yabu, you acknowledge your living situation and the problems that might arise.

[bekywig]

Hi.We were the same. Bought toy ones and they fall apart so last Christmas, Santa did deliver a proper full size drum kit for our then 5year old. He's loved it. We've loved it. The silencer pads are a good investment. Maybe talk to your neighbours and ask what would be a good time for them for your son to have a good practice? or stick to one particular time of the day when he can go 'hell for leather' on them and tell your neighbours this. You ANBU!! He'll get so much benefit! Good luck on your bids. We got ours from ebay to.

[raisah]

Be prepared to have neighbours knocking on your door and complaining about the noise. If the situation were reversed and you had neighbours practicing the drums all hours how would you react. One or twice you can put up with but listening to a 5 year old learning the drums everyday particularly after a hard day at work is enough to drive a reasonable person mental.

Is there a drumming/musical school where he can go and learn? That would be a compromise but it is upto you but be prepared for complaints if you decide to go ahead.

[Edendance]

What about one of the electric ones with earphones? Far more practical and can be stored out of the way as takes up much less room. Does he take lessons?

[Weller]

Why not digital, it is what my son has and what the school uses for lessons, without the amplifier it is quiet and folds away small.

[Dahlen]

Do you have a garage or somewhere else you can store them so he can drum away to his heart's content without hurting anyone?

Maybe you could also invest in a second-hand electronic set where the noise is controllable.

I hate to think of a child's natural talent being curtailed simply because his parents aren't able to afford the luxury of a detached house with no neighbours, but at the same time you have an obligation to steer clear of antisocial behaviour that could upset everyone else. I think chatting to your neighbours and agreeing a set time each day is an ideal solution if you go down this route. If I was your neighbour I wouldn't object to that at all.

[greenbananas]

Wish we could afford digital drums! You're right, they would be the ideal solution.

I'll get silencer pads, and obviously only let him practice at certain times of day. Will also ask the neighbours when would be best for them.

I just knew you were going to say this but he wants to play the drums so much ..

Off to collect him from school now, back in a bit.

[Minifingers]

You need a digital drum kit.

My kids have a full sized one of these and have percussion lessons. No problems with noise.

[LookingThroughTheFog]

It's life, isn't it? Sometimes, if you live in a close community, you will have to hear your neighbours doing DIY, or practising the piano or recorders (how I loathe the sound of a child practising the recorder!), or their radio, or a garden party. There are noises that general life makes, and as long as everybody is considerate and tries to meet people half way, you just have to get on with it.

I agree with the others who say to check with your closest neighbours as to a better or worse time for it. But your son has the right to learn to play an instrument too, as long as he's taught to do so considerately.

The good thing as far as I'm concerned is that it clearly won't be 'all hours' because he's 5. It won't be during school time. it won't be late in the evening. Given that, I would imagine that people could make compromises, especially if you say that you will buy dampeners and will absolutely not allow him to play at a nap-time or straight after work or at a dinner time.

I would at any rate.

[MoominMammasHandbag]

DS had a drumkit at a similar age. We discussed the best practice times with our neighbours; little and often is best at that age anyway. He did all his grades up to 8 and has played with loads of different bands from jazz to brass.
He has been in an indie band with his best mates for the last couple of years and had some great times out of it; it has also made him cool and popular and invited to all the parties at school, despite being a bit geeky and unsporty.
A word of warning though; bands frequently do their practising at the drummer's house - fortunately we are detatched now.

[BarbarianMum]

It does sound as if he's one of nature's drummers so yes he does need a drum kit. Your suggestions sound sensible but I do suggest you save up for an electronic kit if you could do so in a reasonable time period. Keep a look-out for a second hand one too.

[Sallyingforth]

I can speak from the heart as I have suffered from this at my last place. The son had a drum kit in his bedroom on the far side of the house but it was awful. They put in some sound insulation that brought the level down a bit but even then the continuous rhythm of the drum beats was unbearable. It was far worse that the noise of ordinary music or TV in their house.
Be prepared for complaints.

[BIWI]

Are you aware, though, of how much space they take up? We have a full set here, and the only place it will go is in my bedroom

And the inevitable has happened - lovely son never plays them.

So, if you live anywhere near SW London, I'll take any offers ...

[Weller]

Sorry it is about the price, try the local music shop or local instructors they are usually good at knowing of people selling their unwanted kits. If he loves it then any kit is better than no kit, you sound reasonable so I am sure your neighbours will be fine.

[jacks365]

We have a full sized drum kit with silencer pads and the noise is not an issue, the tv is louder. At your ds age he is not going to be practicing late at night so it shouldn't be an issue but yes talking to your neighbours would be polite.

I hooe you get the kit you are after.

[StuntGirl]

Sorry, given your living conditions it's a YABU from me.

If you're going to go ahead anyway you need to get an electric kit, with silencers, speak to your neighbours and make them aware, as well as finding out when they'd be happy to put up with the noise, and limit his playing time to suitable times. For example, maybe they work until 7pm so they wouldn't be in to hear his practice after school or something.

Can you look into lessons so he will be playing elsewhere?

[medhandthekiddiesvtheworld]

digital drums can be got second hand for pennies if you keep your eyes out, my eldest has drums at dads, at the bottom of a long long garden, in a terraced house you are just asking for troub;e

[greenbananas]

Hello again. Thank you all, I really appreciate your views.

I didn't get the drum kit I was bidding for on ebay... but have just won the auction for a third-hand electronic kit instead! It was an awful lot more than I was originally prepared to pay - was £150 aaargh - but still about half the price of a new kit and I do think this is the best solution all round. I hope that DS and his little brother will get many years of use out of it.

I do basically agree with those of you who are saying it would be unreasonable to consider having a real drum kit in a terraced house. It's just that DS is so very keen on playing. We can't really afford to be sending him to lessons every week, and will be teaching him ourselves at least to begin with. It would be awful to be constantly telling DS to keep the noise down, and worrying about the poor neighbours. Hopefully the neighbours won't even know we have got this one - it has a headphone socket.

Thank you ladies, for helping me to clarify my thoughts.

[StuntGirl]

Aw yay :) Glad you got something in the end, and I think this is the best solution for beginning anyway. Hope he enjoys his new drums!

[BIWI]

So does anyone want our drum kit?

[Sallyingforth]

Well done OP. That's the right choice. I hope he enjoys it.

[greenbananas]

Ah, thank you both
I thought dh was going to be a bit cross when he saw how much I had spent, but he is quite excited about having a go on them himself

I'm sure we have made the right decision about the electronic drums. They were a good investment, I think.

[Xales]

Same here BIWI. Lovely set of drums currently gathering cobwebs.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Pawn shops, I would have said before you actually bought some. Musicians are forever pawning their gear.

[pianodoodle]

I'm just reading a couple of people who have said he could have lessons so he'd be playing elsewhere...

Complete waste of money if you've nothing to practise on at home unfortunately!

It does surprise me the number of people who enquire about piano lessons from me who seem surprised that they might need an instrument at home.