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to want to strangle my 11 year old dd

(110 Posts)
BellaTalbert Tue 30-Jul-13 19:50:30

Need to vent as would happily like to strangle my dd as she is currently screaming and crying in the kitchen as well as trying to make herself vomit.

My dd has just had a friend around for dinner and after her friend left I asked her to help me with the washing up. My dd then totally lost it screaming that she has "bloody children's rights" and that its slave labor.

I am apparently a child abuser and the worst mother in the world. I warned her that if she continued to shout etc then she would lose her phone which now as she has lost.

My mother would have killed me if I every spoke to her like this at this age. Where did I go wrong???

daisychicken Fri 02-Aug-13 18:09:37

He's been horrible all day...

none of his friends were coming out to play, didn't have anything to read (when I said we've just been to the library, why didn't you get something.. he replied they have boring books.....), he was BORED(!) I offered a job and it was turned down(!) A friend then did come round and they snuck into the garage (not allowed due to dh's work tools) and have spilt (how??) white paint....

He's now throwing himself off his high-bed and apparently 'I won't take him to hospital if he breaks his leg...' He wasn't amused when I said I'd take him but make sure everyone knew how he did it and they'd laugh(!)

When will it get better????? or am I going to be the tee-total mum turning alcoholic??!

SquinkiesRule Thu 01-Aug-13 20:39:20

I'll be sticking the Childline number up for my Dd then. She can complain to Glitterandglue about having to tidy her room.
She's 8.5 and Mrs Drama queen and a proficient procrastinator already. How I now will look forward to age 11, thank you all sad

valiumredhead Thu 01-Aug-13 20:22:43

I'm tempted to guide ds into next week at timeswink

tittytittyhanghang Thu 01-Aug-13 18:51:56

You are all terrible mothers. Your children are just testing boundaries. What they need is someone to gently guide them to the right path of loveliness.

Thats all BS. YANBU. ds1 (13) can make me go from lentil weavy laid back mum to psycho bitch in 0.2 secs

Euphemia Thu 01-Aug-13 18:01:35


Whereisegg Thu 01-Aug-13 17:26:51

Thanks for that Euphemia.
Really encouraging...

GhostsInSnow Thu 01-Aug-13 09:57:57

I have a door slamming, home leaving teenage DD (though to her credit she hasn't left home since she was 5). The door slamming unfortunately happened as I was behind her with my foot on the threshold of her bedroom door..... One broken big toe and a very very sheepish DD later and she spent the next 4 weeks waiting on me. Yes, I may have over egged how long I needed to be immobile with her, but oddly she hasn't slammed a door since....

The leaving home. That day dear Mumsnet DH and I were left looking rather ridiculous.

She was 5. I can't recall why she was going, but she'd packed her best Blues Clues backpack and she was off. Smirking to DH I let her go, opened the door reasoning she'd walk to the end of the drive and stop. She got to the end - and carried on. It's ok because we can see a fair way down our street. She was marching along, determined little thing, and she kept bloody marching. As she disappeared around the corner some 50 yards down the road I told DH he'd best go get her.

Now, this was evening and all DH had on was his loungepants and T Shirt (stripy loungepants at that) so when he hopped in the car that was his attire. It wasn't until he pulled level with a still stubbornly marching DD that he realised he couldn't get out in his PJ's. He wound the window down and ordered her in the car. She ignored him. This carried on for another 50 yards or so with DH cruising along and DD refusing to get in the car. Finally she agreed but DH spent the rest of the night waiting for the Police to turn up to accuse him of kidnap.

daisychicken Thu 01-Aug-13 09:21:30

I'm just waiting for the day Glitterandglue!! grin grin

Glitterandglue Wed 31-Jul-13 23:30:49

I'm a counsellor at ChildLine. Generally if a kid calls ChildLine to complain about their parents (which doesn't happen that often at all, really, so a lot of the time they probably chicken out after they get through and either put the phone down or talk about something totally different) then we ask a load of questions to sort out the situation properly (it's usually pretty clear from the beginning if they're in the wrong) then we sort of try to go through it with them step by step about why perhaps mum might have said no, you can't ride your bike on the roof/eat four ice creams in one day/punch your sister etc. Sometimes they sort of start to get it, sometimes they hang up when they don't get the answer they want. grin

But our confidentiality policy anyway is that we don't pass any information on unless someone is in life-threatening danger, or if they tell us about an abuser who's in a position of power over children (like a teacher or a coach) or if they ask us to...and most kids aren't brazen enough to go through with asking us to contact the police or social services on their behalf over this sort of thing, so if they say they'll call ChildLine on you, hand em the phone! We're quite happy to listen to them be righteously indignant for a few minutes down the phone to us so you can take a few minutes breathing and trying not to kill them. smile

bigbuttons Wed 31-Jul-13 22:38:55

one of my children dialled 999 when he was about 4 because I wouldn't give him and ice cream!

Beastofburden Wed 31-Jul-13 22:24:51

That's so sad, bunch

YoureAllABunchOfBastards Wed 31-Jul-13 21:51:12

I am constantly amazed at what the kids I teach class as 'child abuse'.

And yet the ones who are properly abused and knocked about by their parents think that is normal.

Euphemia Wed 31-Jul-13 21:44:26

Don't worry Whereisegg, it starts when they're 10. grin

Whereisegg Wed 31-Jul-13 21:43:09

When mine turns 11 in a year, you can all tell me off for posting on a zombie thread...

Twattybollocks Wed 31-Jul-13 21:38:47

Love this thread, and hate it. Because I have a 7yo daughter who has a terrible door slamming habit ( the wall around her door frame is cracked, and the one downstairs which is directly underneath it is also cracked!) she nearly had my bloody fingers off the other day doing it.
I don't know what she will be like as a teenager, but I know I'm not looking forward to it at all :0(

dementedma Wed 31-Jul-13 20:55:04

Have read this out to 11 year old Ds. He said anxiously " I'm not like that am I mum?"
Not yet dear......not yet!

valiumredhead Wed 31-Jul-13 20:32:07


AudrinaAdare Wed 31-Jul-13 20:24:42

I have just told DD to de-orange scrub her face ready for the best beauty / skin treatment known to womankind. Better results than the most expensive creams and cosmetic surgery, scientifically-proven and at my disposal!

I have given her the precious gift of an early night.

daisychicken Wed 31-Jul-13 19:53:15

does the "I'm leaving home" count? I've had that since he was 3!!!! grin

GhostsInSnow Wed 31-Jul-13 19:50:02

Until you've had
you just haven't lived.


Mia4 Wed 31-Jul-13 19:47:16

Yikes, good luck OP. I remember my youngest sister at 12-not pretty. She was a nightmare and spoilt because of being the baby. She once screamed that she hated me when i was babysitting and refused to let her go out somewhere when mum and dad had grounded her (for being so horrible). I was upset but just shrugged and told her that was fine because actually much as i loved her I really disliked her because of the way she continued to act-being so brattish. I also told her I couldn't wait for her to get over herself and this phase so i could get back to liking her.

She went really quiet and looked as upset as her shittiness made me feel- came down from her room an hour later and asked me if she really was being that bad and when i was honest and said yes she burst into tears an said how sorry she was. Harsh, yes, but she's always come to me for honesty, advice and help telling me how much she appreciates it so can't be so bad.

muddymarvellousdarling Wed 31-Jul-13 18:46:54

wuldric Not true.

DD has always kept her bedroom tidy and will wash up if asked. DD likes cleaning. She even puts her laundry in the basket. unlike DS2
She makes everyone drinks and helps with cooking dinner.

She went out this morning and posted a card for me and went via the little shop on the way back for rolls.

It's just the meltdowns over stupid things.

5madthings Wed 31-Jul-13 18:46:49

agjhh my ds2 is just 11 and making me want to tear my hair out atthe moment.

they have all had to do jobs/help out from a young age but its now that he is a stroppy sod about or lies that he has done it when he hasnt.

ds1 (almost 14) can be grumpy/sullem but he does as he isasked and i dont get the amaeteur dramatics from him.

whats worse is ds3 is 8 and the door slamming and stomping up the stairs with cries of 'its not fair' have already started.

and i have five children...remind me again why i thought that was a good idea? they are so delightful as babies/toddlers young children and then it gets so mu h harder. i love them growing up and seeing them mature but god its hard work.

daisychicken Wed 31-Jul-13 18:30:07

Wuldric not true here either...

My two have always had to help in the house. We started with their own stuff, bedroom, clothes in hamper etc and then gradually built it up. They've had "chores" since they were 3/4 such as laying the table and were always expected to bring their plate to the kitchen, we gradually built up the chores and now they have a daily chore plus a couple of weekly, fortnightly and monthly chores each. DS1 will be getting an extra chore soon (since we pay for phone and other extra stuff that DS2 currently doesn't get). I want them both to leave home knowing how to look after themselves, how to cook and how to look after the basics of a home but also how to be part of a team - the family team.

All that said, DS1 still creates merry hell when asked to do his chores or any occasional extra jobs.........

muddymarvellousdarling Wed 31-Jul-13 18:13:40

nettosuperstar grin

DD learnt about her rights in year 2, when her school did a "rights of a child around the world" day.

She loves nothing more than quoting her rights. When she starts PHSCE
in Sept. it will only get worse. grin

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