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AIBU?

to want to strangle my 11 year old dd

109 replies

BellaTalbert · 30/07/2013 19:50

Need to vent as would happily like to strangle my dd as she is currently screaming and crying in the kitchen as well as trying to make herself vomit.

My dd has just had a friend around for dinner and after her friend left I asked her to help me with the washing up. My dd then totally lost it screaming that she has "bloody children's rights" and that its slave labor.

I am apparently a child abuser and the worst mother in the world. I warned her that if she continued to shout etc then she would lose her phone which now as she has lost.

My mother would have killed me if I every spoke to her like this at this age. Where did I go wrong???

OP posts:

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Perspective21 · 31/07/2013 17:31

I have to share this here, we started the holidays with various meltdowns from DDs 10.5 and a week off 13. They were particularly furious that for every heated debate, I found a thread for them to read for us to discuss. We have covered trampoline rules, allowances and sibling bust ups...I love MN but they said, it's not fair, all those mums getting together to discuss us!! Ha ha ha keep the support coming..remember, we're stronger together!!

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 31/07/2013 17:31

Ds2 17 went out last night half an hour before tea was being served, I asked when will you be in, he said when would you like me in.... oh about 3 weeks on thur was my honest response, got a snigger from his friends waiting for him.

Beastofburden · 31/07/2013 17:34

When DS 1s student friends cook, they google a recipe on their phones and work it out as they go along. They don't see it as something they need to learn in advance. Perhaps this is because they are all lab- based scientists so it is just another experiment, more reliable than most.

On pulling weight, I found it easier once I was back at work and we could afford a cleaner to do the really tedious stuff. Then it became an issue of everyone having a day job- theirs being to take their education seriously- and all of us doing whatever needed doing to keep the ship afloat at weekends.

Children can be more sexist than alf garnet when it comes to saying that a SAHM ought to do all the housework, all the time, as that is her "job" .

Beastofburden · 31/07/2013 17:40

The other thing I do remember helping is a discussion about how the teen years are an apprenticeship for adulthood, and the parents are supposed to let the DC practice everything they need for successful adult living, including decision making, planning and prioritisation. And that the point is for parents to let go as soon as the DC is ready. So someone who isn't ready even to tidy up the consequences of her party is not ready to have more independence on deciding what parties to hold.

StuntGirl · 31/07/2013 17:45

I'm amazed at these posts. I never spoke to my mother like that (or my father! or anyone for that matter!) Teenage strops yes, teenage idiocy yes, but all this talk of abuse and neglect and childline

muddymarvellousdarling · 31/07/2013 17:46

Sorry OP you made me laugh only because I know the feeling

My DD also 11 had a meltdown yesterday over threading a needle. It took a whole hour to calm her down.

I'm used to DD packing a bag and telling me i'm horrid and saying she's phoning childline because I say NO.

I think we will have another meltdown here soon as I've told her to tidy up her craft stuff. bangs head against wall.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 31/07/2013 17:46

You mean there are people out there whose daughters don't slam doors and swear at them? Where? don't underestimate the door slamming powers of a teenage boy

valiumredhead · 31/07/2013 17:50

Stunt-we didn't have phse lessons

NettoSuperstar · 31/07/2013 17:56

You can have some fun with them though.
I'm still laughing at the horror on DD's face when I picked up a pack of condoms in the supermarket.
(I'm single, very much happily so and DD knows it)

muddymarvellousdarling · 31/07/2013 18:13

nettosuperstar

DD learnt about her rights in year 2, when her school did a "rights of a child around the world" day.

She loves nothing more than quoting her rights. When she starts PHSCE
in Sept. it will only get worse.

daisychicken · 31/07/2013 18:30

Wuldric not true here either...

My two have always had to help in the house. We started with their own stuff, bedroom, clothes in hamper etc and then gradually built it up. They've had "chores" since they were 3/4 such as laying the table and were always expected to bring their plate to the kitchen, we gradually built up the chores and now they have a daily chore plus a couple of weekly, fortnightly and monthly chores each. DS1 will be getting an extra chore soon (since we pay for phone and other extra stuff that DS2 currently doesn't get). I want them both to leave home knowing how to look after themselves, how to cook and how to look after the basics of a home but also how to be part of a team - the family team.

All that said, DS1 still creates merry hell when asked to do his chores or any occasional extra jobs.........

5madthings · 31/07/2013 18:46

agjhh my ds2 is just 11 and making me want to tear my hair out atthe moment.

they have all had to do jobs/help out from a young age but its now that he is a stroppy sod about or lies that he has done it when he hasnt.

ds1 (almost 14) can be grumpy/sullem but he does as he isasked and i dont get the amaeteur dramatics from him.

whats worse is ds3 is 8 and the door slamming and stomping up the stairs with cries of 'its not fair' have already started.

and i have five children...remind me again why i thought that was a good idea? they are so delightful as babies/toddlers young children and then it gets so mu h harder. i love them growing up and seeing them mature but god its hard work.

muddymarvellousdarling · 31/07/2013 18:46

wuldric Not true.

DD has always kept her bedroom tidy and will wash up if asked. DD likes cleaning. She even puts her laundry in the basket. unlike DS2
She makes everyone drinks and helps with cooking dinner.

She went out this morning and posted a card for me and went via the little shop on the way back for rolls.

It's just the meltdowns over stupid things.

Mia4 · 31/07/2013 19:47

Yikes, good luck OP. I remember my youngest sister at 12-not pretty. She was a nightmare and spoilt because of being the baby. She once screamed that she hated me when i was babysitting and refused to let her go out somewhere when mum and dad had grounded her (for being so horrible). I was upset but just shrugged and told her that was fine because actually much as i loved her I really disliked her because of the way she continued to act-being so brattish. I also told her I couldn't wait for her to get over herself and this phase so i could get back to liking her.

She went really quiet and looked as upset as her shittiness made me feel- came down from her room an hour later and asked me if she really was being that bad and when i was honest and said yes she burst into tears an said how sorry she was. Harsh, yes, but she's always come to me for honesty, advice and help telling me how much she appreciates it so can't be so bad.

GhostsInSnow · 31/07/2013 19:50

Until you've had
"I"M CALLING CHILDLINE!!!!!"
you just haven't lived.

daisychicken · 31/07/2013 19:53

does the "I'm leaving home" count? I've had that since he was 3!!!!

AudrinaAdare · 31/07/2013 20:24

I have just told DD to de-orange scrub her face ready for the best beauty / skin treatment known to womankind. Better results than the most expensive creams and cosmetic surgery, scientifically-proven and at my disposal!

I have given her the precious gift of an early night.

valiumredhead · 31/07/2013 20:32

Arf

dementedma · 31/07/2013 20:55

Have read this out to 11 year old Ds. He said anxiously " I'm not like that am I mum?"
Not yet dear......not yet!

Twattybollocks · 31/07/2013 21:38

Love this thread, and hate it. Because I have a 7yo daughter who has a terrible door slamming habit ( the wall around her door frame is cracked, and the one downstairs which is directly underneath it is also cracked!) she nearly had my bloody fingers off the other day doing it.
I don't know what she will be like as a teenager, but I know I'm not looking forward to it at all :0(

Whereisegg · 31/07/2013 21:43

When mine turns 11 in a year, you can all tell me off for posting on a zombie thread...

LindyHemming · 31/07/2013 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 31/07/2013 21:51

I am constantly amazed at what the kids I teach class as 'child abuse'.

And yet the ones who are properly abused and knocked about by their parents think that is normal.

Beastofburden · 31/07/2013 22:24

That's so sad, bunch

bigbuttons · 31/07/2013 22:38

one of my children dialled 999 when he was about 4 because I wouldn't give him and ice cream!

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