I suspect IABU. Birthday disappointment.

[SmiteYouWithThunderbolts]

It's my birthday on Tuesday. Not a big one, but I love birthdays and always make a big effort to do something nice for DH, all the DC, both sets of parents, etc. This year for DH's birthday I arranged a BBQ, got a modest group of friends and family to come over to surprise him, saved up and got him some nice gifts and baked him his favourite cake. We all had a lovely day and he said he was really touched that I'd made such an effort.

I know it's not a tit for tat thing, but AIBU to be totally gutted that he hasn't so much as booked the day off work for my birthday and that the plans we had made for tomorrow instead are now out of the window because he's been offered overtime? My birthday will come and go as any other regular Tuesday, which really stings in the wake of how much I did for his birthday.

We've had a crap few months for various reasons and I've really been looking forward to us finally doing something nice and familyish. The day out tomorrow was only to a local village fete but we were going to meet up with friends, have a picnic and generally make a bit of a fuss of me. I can hopefully still go without him (transport may be an issue as I don't drive, buses are crap here and I'm not sure how to juggle 4 dc and a basket full of picnic stuff!) but it won't be the same.

Please kick some sense into me and tell me to getteth a grippeth.

[Ashoething]

In the nicest possible way-get a grip! My dh has never taken a day off for my birthday! I only get a present because I remind him so often. Of course you can still go for your nice day out-I have 3 dcs and also don't drive-I manage perfectly fine.

Your day will be what you make it so have a lovely time!

[Lj8893]

I would be feeling exactly the same as you!

Is there any chance this is just a cover and he has actually planned something?

[pictish]

I think expecting him to take a day off for your birthday is a bit overkilly OP, sorry.

I know how you feel. I stopped making an effort for my dh as he never did the same (or anything approaching it) in return, which was annoying and hurtful, so I hear you.

But do you really need him to take the day off? You are growns ups - with jobs.

[CajaDeLaMemoria]

Meh, I know how you feel. It was my birthday last Sunday and everyone forgot. DP was ill and then preoccupied with a work thing, nobody else remembered. It was very odd. We are due to do something 'at some point' but it does sting.

Try your best to get to the fete tomorrow, and let DH make it up to you some other time. It's not ideal, and if you are anything like me it'll make you feel beyond low priority, but at least you'll see friends and have a nice day.

[MrsReacher85]

I can sympathise as I have similar with my DH. I've learnt that I need to explicitly tell him what I want to do, and usually email him links to suitable presents! It does annoy me that he doesn't put in the same effort but it genuinely doesn't occur to him.

Have you told him you're upset about it?

[Flibbedyjibbet]

Pictish just curious did your DH notice that you were making less effort?

[BeckAndCall]

Why can't you do something together on Sunday?

Birthdays mean different things to different people but I've never taken the day off even myself when it's my birthday, let alone expecting my DH to! We plan something for the nearest weekend day.....

[CaptainJamesTKirk]

I certainly wouldn't expect my DH to take the day off for my birthday, I don't even take the day off for my birthday!

It would be nice if your DH made some effort regarding a nice gift and maybe dinner. But seriously it's not that important. Are you sure he hasn't got any plans? Could he be surprising you?

[livinginwonderland]

I wouldn't expect anyone to take the day off for my birthday, that's a bit of an overkill in my opinion. He's an adult with a job to go to, after all. DP is working his birthday next month so I'm taking him out in the evening (falls on a Friday), but if it was a mid-week thing, it would just be moved to the weekend.

You're still celebrating, so does it matter whether it's on the actual day or not, really?

[NotYoMomma]

we always book each others birthdays off but now wr havr kids will be booking theirs and having our birthday time at the weekend.

I think I am similar to you OP, dont have a massive birthday but always put in a bit of effort, its only once a year!

you'll get the miseries on here posting 'oh boo hoo I last got a present in 1987' or telling you its ridiculous as an adult to even expect one days effort to make it nice from your partner.

me and dh always sit down at start of year and decide how many days to take off and when depending on aallowances, works out better and no nasty surprises like this

[pictish]

We have a different approach now. My dh hates shops and shopping you see. My birthday involves him doing a DIY task of my choice. So I can say - paint x room, or build x thing, or do x project...and he does.
So far I have had a treehouse built for the kids, an alcove created for storage, and the kitchen redecorated - all without complaint.

It may seem odd to some but it really works for us. I am far more over the moon with the results than any overpriced meal for two or bottle of perfume.

[YouTheCat]

It wasn't really taking a day off though was it? It was not taking the overtime because the family had plans.

Yes, I'd be massively pissed off if plans had already been made.

[pictish]

Oh - and some would say he should do these things anyway - but he works full time and long hours, and we've all got a long list of things that we should be doing but haven't got around to.

[MaryKatharine]

Instead of saving up to buy him a great present, spend it on driving lessons so you can enjoy treating yourself on your birthday and your not stuck unable to get anywhere with 4kids!

[TimeofChange]

Overtime is more money though and most of us are not in a position to turn it down.
The DH hasn't chosen to go out with his mates instead.

OP: Can the picnic go in a ruck sack?
That may make the day out easier for you.

[SmiteYouWithThunderbolts]

Thanks all. I've just got off the phone with my mum where she very delicately told me to get a grip too.

You're all right. It is a bit egocentric for me to ask him to take the day off. It's what we always used to do for each other (although I'm a SAHM now) so it was disappointing to hear that he wasn't doing that this year and that he's taking overtime tomorrow so our unbirthday plans will be cancelled too.

I'm going to commandeer his naice rucksack tomorrow to pack up the picnic and tell him bollocks. We'll have a lovely day regardless. Thanks all.

[Beechview]

Get a grip :)
Your dh is accepting overtime so you and family can have more money. He's not doing it to have a lovely time.

Make sure you let him know that that you'd like to do something on your birthday even if its a meal out or nice take away and cake when he gets back from work. Invite family around yourself. Don't anticipate and have a rubbish day when you can take steps now to have a nice one.
If birthdays aren't important to him, he may not realise how much they mean to you [speaks from experience]

[Shesparkles]

In a nice way, get a grip!

Pictish I'm liking your approach with the DIY task-like you I'm not actually bothered about presents, but would appreciate the time spent. Might be a bit late for this year as we're on holiday and my birthday's on Sunday!

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

Its my birthday on Tuesday as well/

Dh is going to work
I am going to work
DD is doing work experience
ds1 and 2 are going to school.

To be honest it is not a big deal to me.

But if it bothers you, have you talked to your dh about it?

[SmiteYouWithThunderbolts]

Ooh, birthday twin! Yeah, I have talked to him about it and he's full of perfectly reasonable arguments in favour of doing as much overtime as possible. The car will need MOTing and taxing at the end of August and we're pretty sure it'll need some expensive stuff doing to get it through its MOT. His overtime will really take the sting out of that expense. He knows he has my full support for any other instances of overtime this summer, but it is disappointing for him to do it this weekend when we had made nice birthday plans. I would sulk less about my actual birthday if tomorrow's plans hadn't been cancelled too.

[LazyMonkeyButler]

It's my birthday next Friday. I hope everyone forgets!

I honestly can't understand grown adults being so precious about birthdays, but maybe that's just me .

Apart from during childhood, why on earth do people want to celebrate getting another year older? "Big" birthdays OK, but 36, 43 etc. - just why?

It's just another day like any other - get a grip. You are an adult.

[Crinkle77]

OP I can understand your disappointment that he is doing the overtime. Would it be possible to arrange something tomorrow evening when he finishes work or maybe he has something nice planned for tues night after work?

[Jux]

DH likes a big fuss over his birthday, but succeeded in forgetting mine almost completely for the first 8 years we were married. Then I did two things; a) 'forgot' his and b) when he made a fuss about it, pointed out how often he forgot mine.

The next couple of years he didn't actually forget, but made minimal effort so I made a big fuss and got cross with him.

Now he remembers and makes a bit of an effort. It helps that dd is old enough to remind him!

[BadLad]

I love a fuss over my birthday, and make a fuss of DW on hers too. But we do it the weekend after if it is on a week day.

[QuintessentialOldDear]

I am sorry to break it to you honey, but your birthday IS just a regular Tuesday, and you are an adult.