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To feel really upset by DH and PIL making fun of me

(38 Posts)
littlestressy Sun 21-Apr-13 12:22:02

A little background info so I don't drip feed:

DS is 16mo and our first baby, I'm still breastfeeding, morning and bedtime plus any daytime feeds he wants.
My MIL has been in hospital for a couple of weeks with a respiratory illness, she is back home now and doing well.

Yesterday my DH took DS to see his parents, staying overnight and back home later today. All totally fine, I had arranged to meet up with friends, have a bit of 'me time' and have a lie in. Lovely. I felt a bit worried about DS staying away without me but only because this is the first time he's stayed away from me for longer than only a night. I knew he'd be totally fine with DH and PIL.

Anyway, I rang my DH last night at a time that I knew DS would be in bed, started making conversation and asking a few questions: How was he? Did he have a nice day? What did you get up to? What did he have for dinner? etc the background I hear my MIL laughing "You can talk to him if you like" meaning my DS, then my FIL saying "he had vindaloo, lager and rice for dinner", which my DH repeated to me.

At this point I got really upset, started crying down the phone and told my DH he was being a knob and all I wanted to know was some basic info about our son, it was the first time he'd stayed away and I was missing him. I just wanted to know how he was. I told my DH that I was also upset by him and PIL making fun of me ringing and asking what (I thought) were normal questions for a parent to ask.

In short I was really upset, and still am. Was IBU to ask questions like dinner/bedtime/general well being? Am I being precious? I didn't ring this morning, DH rang me and told me what time DS had slept till and what he had for breakfast....

welliesandpyjamas Sun 21-Apr-13 12:24:40

To me it doesn't sound like they were making fun of you. It sounds jokey, as in the last thing you'd give a toddler would be vindaloo and lager smile

Jestrin Sun 21-Apr-13 12:27:21

I think your questions were reasonable but I also think your DH and PIL were not laughing at you, they were making lighthearted jokes.

LittleBairn Sun 21-Apr-13 12:27:30

You over reacted but they were being twats winding you up when they must have known you would be anxious being away for the first time.

pigletmania Sun 21-Apr-13 12:27:54

Sounds jokey and in gest, nothing horribal

Maat Sun 21-Apr-13 12:28:08

There was nothing wrong with you ringing and asking those questions but I
think you are being a bit sensitive to be upset by their comments which I believe was just a joke.

Try and put it behind you. smile

Yonihadtoask Sun 21-Apr-13 12:29:09

I don't think they were making fun of you.

I think that you over reacted - but can understand that if this was the first time that DS has been away from you.

Don't let it bother you - enjoy the rest of the time to y ourself smile

Dumpylump Sun 21-Apr-13 12:29:31

I guess it depends on the relationship you have with your pils normally. Do you get along with them usually? It's like the sort of joking that my parents did when I had first dc- many moons ago - and it wasn't intended to upset.
I don't think you were being unreasonable asking questions about your ds, but it doesn't sound to me, as though they were being particularly mean either.
I wonder if you were missing your ds a lot, and perhaps that caused you to get so upset, rather than what they said?

littlestressy Sun 21-Apr-13 12:29:32

Yes you're right I was being over sensitive and they were just joking around. I'll try not to get so wound up!!

SirBoobAlot Sun 21-Apr-13 12:30:06

You're being a little over sensitive, but I can understand why - DS only stayed away for the first time recently and I was a nervous wreck grin

Try and remember that if they were able to make light of the situation and have a giggle, that means everything was fine smile

ChasedByBees Sun 21-Apr-13 12:30:09

I'm worried about leaving my 15mo BF baby for the first time overnight so I understand his you feel, that said, I think you were a bit touchy. I think they were making a joke (i can well imagine my parents saying the same).

If you'd just said, 'oh ha ha, what did he really have?'

It does depend on their tone I guess, but i think you're making this into a bigger thing than its needs to be.

littlestressy Sun 21-Apr-13 12:30:37

And I am missing him a lot....much more than I thought I would do

ENormaSnob Sun 21-Apr-13 12:30:46

I think you are massively overreacting.

BlastAndDalmatians Sun 21-Apr-13 12:34:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JaquelineHyde Sun 21-Apr-13 12:35:34

YABVVVU and have probably made your DH and PILs feel like shit because of it.

However, don't dwell on it, what's done is done but maybe an apology for your over reaction would be a nice gesture.

Sh1ney Sun 21-Apr-13 12:38:05

Dear oh dear. Don't be daft!

Are you usually so easily wound up? Try and chill out

currentbuns Sun 21-Apr-13 12:39:43

Yes, you were probably being over sensitive, but I have felt much the same in similar situations. Totally understandable reaction

Chottie Sun 21-Apr-13 12:40:21

I think the questions you asked were very reasonable and I think they were all a bit insensitive with their replies. Obviously they thought it was a 'funny' reply, but it wasn't.

VitoCorleone Sun 21-Apr-13 12:41:33

Major overreaction, they where only joking!

Sparklyboots Sun 21-Apr-13 12:41:56

You were asking completely reasonable questions, my own family would have made similar 'jokes' which I think are stupid, FWIW, and I would have felt a bit narked, mostly because Dfam have a whole narrative about me being too well organised and interested in my own son controlling or whatthefuckever (though they are happy to go along with how my level of organisation makes their lives easier). Having said that, probably I'd have done a false laugh, cracked a joke back (along the lines of wah-wah! Wrong answer!) but with my big two fingers up at the phone all the way through - because I honestly don't think they have any idea, or can be persuaded that they are stupid and insensitive, and I'd rather just put it all down in my Ways I Won't Be Treating My DD/ DIL book. I'd also have a completely relaxed and randomly inserted discussion with DP in the following few days about how it was odd being away, and although I knew DS was fine, it was really important to me to feel able to chat about him etc. on the phone because my sense of responsibility to DS is not something I can leave at home for the evening and is actually part of who I am as a parent.... etc. Just focusing on me and my needs rather than getting into a 'you and your family are tossers and are mean to me' discussion.

HeathRobinson Sun 21-Apr-13 12:45:18

I think they were insensitive. Dear God, if you can't ask about your own baby...

Fairenuff Sun 21-Apr-13 12:59:44

It sounds to me like they feel you don't trust them to look after him properly.

What did he eat, etc implies that you are checking up on them. They all responded with a sarcastic 'vindaloo and lager'. You can almost see their eyes rolling.

You also make a point in your op that I rang my DH last night at a time that I knew DS would be in bed and MIL saying you can talk to him if you like, which shows that, in actual fact, he was not in bed and you are not happy about this.

I think you need to let your dh get on a parent him as he sees fit, provided you trust him, which you said you do.

littlestressy Sun 21-Apr-13 13:06:45

Ok thanks for all the replies, I understand that I was being precious, I over reacted and I am being unreasonable. I'll certainly not do it again.

MidniteScribbler Sun 21-Apr-13 13:06:47

You really need to chill out or they will continue to tease you. It was very obviously a joke, so the best way to deal with it is to respond back with another joke. "Oh no, not a vindaloo!! You're not supposed to give them anything stronger than a masala until they're two!" or "Ppppft lager. DS gets a bigger dose of alcohol from the gin in my boob milk".

Relax and enjoy your child free time. DS is 16 months and I haven't had a night away from him yet. I'm absolutely gagging for a child free night on my own in a hotel somewhere with a jacuzzi, mini bar, and lie in.

pumpkinsweetie Sun 21-Apr-13 13:09:06

Sounds like normal questions and they made a bit of light banter/jokes. I don't think they meant any harm or upset, just forget about it and try not to overreact in future.

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