Owing friend money

[basketweaver2012]

Have NC because i think i may be overreacting a little

My DD (6) went to my friends DDs birthday well over a month ago. After the party friend called me to ask if it was ok for my DD to go shopping with them and could she spend some money. I am completely skint but said yes as I didnt want to for her to spend all day shopping with her friend and not be able to buy something.
I had gone to work by the time DD came home so didnt see what she had bought but called friend to say thank you for taking her and ask how much did I owe her. Im pretty sure and im only doubting myself now, that friend said that it was her treat and not to worry about it. This wasnt untypical of friend as before DD has come home from shopping trips with a little something as has her DD when her DD has been with shopping with us.

Fast forward to yesterday when friends DD called the house phone to say my DD hasnt paid her the £10 she owes and she needed it back straight away as she was going shopping.
I was a little taken aback as i speak to friend at length on the phone 3-4 times a week and nothing had been mentioned before but said i hadnt any cash in the house so could I speak to her mum. Friend was in the shower and her DD kept saying DD needs to give the money today.

Friend calls back a few minutes later and I told her if she wasnt going out straight away id drive to the cash machine and get the £10. Friend said it was ok and she'd lend her DD the £10, with her DD in the background crying "basketweavers DD needs to pay it back now"

This morning i withdrew the money and as soon as I had arrived home, another friend/neighbour (i'll call her friend 2) calls to say she is really sorry but I owe her £10?? It turns out friend 1's older DD owed friend 2s DD £15 for a dress and had brought round £5 and told friend 2 to get the £10 from me!

Now friend 2 is miffed off as she felt bad asking me for the money and feels like shes been put in the middle. As it goes, i've given friend 2 the £10 no problem but what if i didnt have it? Friend 2 would have been mad at me then (we are both strapped) and could have caused bad feeling between us and friend 1 had also potentially embarrssed me by highlighting that i owe them money.
I think also that due to the length of time elasped since this apparent loan friend 1 thought maybe she wasnt going to get it back so clawed it back by making friend 2 the one i owed.
I know its only £10, the amount isnt really relevant, it just seems to shitty way to go about things.

BTW none of this has been conducted by friend, just her 2 DDs passing messages on to adults.
AIBU to a little annoyed buy the whole senario?

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Bit embarrassing friend 1 telling friend 2 you owed her money but more to the point, did you see what your DD had spent a tenner on? I personally wouldn't feel right taking my DD's 6 y o playmate out shopping and let her borrow and spend £10 presumably whilst my own DD spent gift cash. Is that what friend 1 meant by taking her out or did you mistakenly assume she included it as a treat? Pity she didn't discuss repayment that weekend. I can see both sides but yanbu to think best raised by and discussed with adults not left to kids.

[tri10]

I'm a bit confused why you owed 2 people the £10? Did dd spend £10 or £20? I read it as £10 but you paid it back twice?

If I understand it right then yanbu first of all it their treat next next you have to back friend 1 and friend 2 for friend 1 dd. I would be getting my tenner back off friend 1. Her kids sound awful.

[selsigfach]

Yanbu. Friend 1's daughter sounds like a complete brat.

[basketweaver2012]

Sorry, no i owed friend 1 £10, friend 1 owed friend 2 £15 and today gave friend 2 only £5 and told her to get the rest off me!

[DoJo]

It sounds very convoluted - apart from anything it sounds as though friend 1 actually made her daughter lend your daughter money, presumably from her birthday money, which is an awful way to deal with the finances of a 6 year old.

[lollilou]

We used to call this passing on the debt and it is VERY bad manners.

[basketweaver2012]

Donkeys No, friend took DD to her DDs party as i had DS at home and rang after the party to see if DD could go shopping after the party with them, which wasnt arranged before they left.
If id known they were staying on (party was in a shopping centre) id have given DD some money to go with.

[LIZS]

You pay only the one you directly owe. What they do is up to them. imho 6yr olds should only have pocket money to spend anyway.

[knackeredmother]

But you e ultimately paid back £20? Or have I read it wrong?

[basketweaver2012]

no, i owed friend 1 £10, but she passed this debt on the friend 2 and told her to get the £10 friend 1 owed friend 2 from me. i have only paid £10 to friend 2 now.

[oldraver]

I wouldn't of got involved with friend 2..just given th money back to the person who you actually owed money to

Did you write the ages correctly ? so a 6 year old was whining to you about the money owed ?

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

I did get the bit about your DD being taken along by friend 1 I just meant she sounded a bit relaxed letting your DD borrow and spend £10, sorry if my reply was muddled. In her shoes I would either treat your DD or put a limit on spending eg £5. I take your point it's not so much the sum involved it's the manner of retrieval of it.

[BoringTheBuilder]

I think it is scary that children are so aware and worried about money like this.
I would have a chat with friend 1 and remind her that I actually tried to arrange a way to pay her back on the day but she fobbed off. Than I would carry on saying that I didn't like the way she involved friend 2 in the situation and say that my dd would not be allowed to go shopping with them anymore.

I would have given the money back to friend 1 and she could pay friend 2 herself if she wished.

[basketweaver2012]

My DD is 6 almost 7 but friends DD it was friends DDs 8th birthday

[mumofweeboys]

Im sorry I would have given your friend the £10 straight away after the shopping trip even if she had said it was her treat.

[LIZS]

Even an 8yo whining would wind me up. If the second debt was actually her sister's then it is hardly going to help that you have paid that off if it was her own money your dd borrowed.

[Rainbowinthesky]

These are 6 year olds?? Blimey, dd is 9 and understands money but has never borrowed or lent this amount of money to anyone.

[basketweaver2012]

I actually didn't realise that friends DD had lent my DD the money until yesterday. I understood that when friend called to ask if DD could have some money to spend, friend was going to give her the money and I would pay it back when she got home . When I asked how much I owed friend she said not to worry as it was her treat. Or at least I think she said that but I'm wondering if I misheard. Don't think I did though or else I'd have sent the money round straight away. I didn't realise it was even £10 that she'd spent to be honest as I didn't know the prices of the stuff (1D crap!) DD bought. It certainly didn't seem like £10 worth but knowing how they inflate that stuff it properly was!

[StuntGirl]

Your friend sounds like a bit of an idiot. I would just not get involved in it next time and say no, you'll come collect your daughter now or something.

Her daughter sounds like a brat too.

[Naysa]

That's an awful way for friend 1 to behave. If was in your's or friend 2's shoes I'd be really embarassed about the whole thing

[BoringTheBuilder]

1D stuff is actually not expensive. And you can find loads of items on the pound shops

[basketweaver2012]

In think they'd gone to Claire's for the overpriced tat!

[zlist]

YANBU
That is an awful thing for your friend to do. Her DD sounds unpleasant. I would be so ashamed if my son treated a friend like that (not that I would ever suggest having someone else's child and doing an activity like that and if I did I wouldn't assume to set the amount they spend!). Getting friend 2 involved as well - WOW!
I would pay friend 1 asap - make it clear that you didn't realise you owed her money and exactly what her DD has done and that SHE owes friend 2 £10. I would then be drifting away from the friendship...

[StuntGirl]

I'll be honest, if I behaved that way, whining and crying while my mum was on the phone to a friend I'd have been pulled up on it pretty sharpish. Nether are painted in a particularly flattering light here.

[MsTakenidentity]

YANBU. Very sneaky of 'friend' to pass on the £10 'debt' - and relevant info- thus allowing a complete stranger to hassle you for money. Awful.