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To not want to be asked this everytime I see her (bf related)

(119 Posts)
GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 25-Mar-13 10:49:42

Everytime I walk into dp's mothers house with my 3 month old ds: 'Are you still breastfeeding?' Cue awkward 'Um, well yes..'

It's just getting boring now as she's done it everytime from the first visit. She also holds him and talks to him, but directing it at me, saying things like, 'when are you going to start aptimil?' hmm

I feel like bf has gone really smoothly for me and ds and all I get is people trying to stop me sad. Even dp yesterday said he looks to big to still be doing it!

My mum and sister also say to give him a bottle before bed and he will be happier. He's very happy thank you!

I don't expect a well done or a pat on the back but this is just pissing me off now. Rant over.

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 25-Mar-13 15:00:07

Erm me and dp visit her every fortnight or so, Pure. I spend my time well thank you!

MajaBiene Mon 25-Mar-13 15:07:20

Every fortnight does sound quite often for someone you don't like, is rude to you and was/is abusive to your DP.

PureQuintessence Mon 25-Mar-13 15:08:22

So the incident you complain about takes place just twice a month, and you are so riled about it you need to post? hmm

I hear knitting is a good hobby! smile

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 25-Mar-13 15:34:35

It's obvious DP has a guilt induced relationship with her. He feels the need to go and see her even though they aren't close and because of his childhood. But it is his mother so he does what he thinks is right, and of course I go because baby is bf so where he goes, I go.

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 25-Mar-13 15:35:13

Pure I remember you as being quite a nice, helpful poster. What happened?

LadyClariceCannockMonty Mon 25-Mar-13 15:46:46

Pure, 'just twice a month' is a fair amount for unhelpful, intrusive, judgemental and passive-aggressive incidents.

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds Mon 25-Mar-13 15:54:34

I'd be complaining if it happened once!!

PureQuintessence Mon 25-Mar-13 15:57:49

I dont know, Girl. sad


Catchingmockingbirds Mon 25-Mar-13 16:01:40

I wouldn't be able to stop myself from asking her why she keeps asking that. Too old to bf at 3 months, fgs what's next? Too old for nappies at 6 months?

midori1999 Mon 25-Mar-13 16:18:16

I made a point of telling anyone who would listen I planned to BF until DD self weaned, whatever age that was, even if it was 5, 6 or 7 when they first started asking me how long I was going to BF for. I also quoted the WHO guideline of at least 2 years and then beyond. DD is 21 months now, I'm pregnant again and although I suspect a few people think I've stopped BF due to the pregnancy, no one asks now.

As for your DH... Can you have a good chat with him about the actual benefits of continued breastfeeding up to and past 2 years old? My DH was a bit hmm about me BF past a year old at first, but he sees how much DD loves it and knows what good it does her and he's unfazed by it now, totally. He also used to scan the room like an MI5 agent every time I fed in public, but he knew asking me to cover up would probably just lead to me being less discreet, so he never said anything. As I've got more relaxed with it, so has he, although I suspect he still cringes at times like me feeding walking round the supermarket, but he hides it well.

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 25-Mar-13 16:53:31

Hope you're ok sad thanks

midori I laughed at MI5 agent smile

CSIJanner Mon 25-Mar-13 16:59:08

Tell her WHO recommend the first 2 years but that you're aiming to beat the woman on Time magazine. Her son was 5.5years.....


IneedAsockamnesty Mon 25-Mar-13 17:13:32

My youngest baby's(12 months) dad recently got all weird about bf apparently I should be respectful of his discomfort and stop.

My response "feel free to fuck off and not come back" worked quite well.

wongadotmom Mon 25-Mar-13 17:24:32

My MIL was horrified when I put my then 3.5 yo DS on the breast at bedtime. She said oh my god are you STILL breastfeeding him? I didn't know what to say. Yes seemed to be the most obvious answer! grin

Wibblypiglikesbananas Mon 25-Mar-13 18:56:54

If you need any additional support, why not try La Leche League? Even better, take her along to a meeting with you!

I don't think you can win with people like this. My MIL was an NCT breastfeeding counsellor in her day, very pro breastfeeding, but when DD got to a year, even she started asking when I was going to stop! This was after months and months of her going on about the benefits of breastfeeding beforehand - even though I was planning to anyway and she knew it. At one point, I was very tempted to buy some bottles and formula and leave them out when she came round, just to see her reaction. Think that was my hormones as I'm not normally like that!

Good luck and do what's right for you and your baby!

carabos Mon 25-Mar-13 19:00:28

In laws you can swat away pretty easily, but I'm afraid I don't believe that fathers have equal say in how babies are fed, that's mum's call as far as I'm concerned. Any bloke who tries to suggest that his child's mother should cover up, not bf in public or not bf at all can sling his hook angry.

Pigsmummy Mon 25-Mar-13 19:04:23

I think that it is a generation thing, is she over 60? My MIL seemed to discourage BF, no idea why but I have since learnt that Ireland has a very low rate (she is Irish) and also this generation were the first to really FF, my Mum said that on the maternity ward in 1975 you were encouraged to FF and if you insisted in BF then you were considered "a bit hard work" by the nurses. Just smile and say that the you and baby are happy so will continue to take the advice of the times (even say "it's different now"). Your baby, your breasts = your choice

VisualiseAHorse Mon 25-Mar-13 19:09:16

If they comment on how the big baby needs formula or food....just reply 'I know, I can't believe how big he is! Breast milk is truly amazing stuff!!'

I am loving all the comebacks on here. Especially putting a blanket on anyone's head who doesn't want to see you BF.

iloveholidays Mon 25-Mar-13 19:14:43

I had this with my MIL although to be fair it was post 6 months (i fed DD1 to 17 months and DD2 to 14 months so it got quite annoying!!!)

I now have DD3 who is coming up 5 months, she came up with a new line yesterday "she's got so big, is it still all your own work?" Kind of wish she'd just asked the normal "are you still feeding". You'd think she'd had learnt by now that its likely to continue a while longer!!!

I feel your pain!!!

Idocrazythings Mon 25-Mar-13 19:34:52

You are so doing the best thing for your baby. Big well done here and a [virtual] pat on the back.

Ps lucky she doesn't know me… DS three in a few weeks… still has his nightly BF.

CatsRule Mon 25-Mar-13 19:50:09

Good on you op...ignore everyone and their comments and do what's right for you and your baby. Only you as the mother will know when the right time to stop is.

Fwiw I'm still bf my ds who will be 13 months next week much to my mil and sil's disgust...they never wanted me to bf for their own selfish reasons

BimbaBirba Mon 25-Mar-13 20:14:34

I'm still breastfeeding my 13 month old and recently MIL was shock when she came to stay and saw he's still breastfeeding. She kept saying "you know it's going to be hard to make him stop, don't you?"
I didn't have the courage to break it to her that I have no intention of making him stop and he can carry on as long as he likes.
I hate that people have to be so judgemental about breastfeeding.

oldraver Mon 25-Mar-13 20:20:55

I've not had a lot of adverse comments when B/F, though have had all the "are you STILL feeding like that"

I have always found a " crikey yes, I'm far too lazy to bottlefeed" really throws people

disclaimer...I dont care how people feed their babys

PukeCatcher Mon 25-Mar-13 20:43:51

World average age is 4 I believe, that stopped my dad from asking.

LittlePicnic Mon 25-Mar-13 20:56:58

You are doing brilliantly. I had Midwife telling me to think about stopping breastfeeding DC1 when pregnant with DC2, when DC1 was 14 months. I just ignored her. Only helpful professional was a consultant (referred for other reasons), said I had to ensure I consumed enough calcium for all three of us when I was six months pregnant, to avoid osteoporosis.
Self-weaning is what I will do unless he continues after starting primary school...wink

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